Him & I ( H.S ) Book 1 (Completed)

67

Fuck.

I'm such an idiot. Why did I have to come see her in the first place. Come to think of it. Why did I have to drink in the first place? If I would have kept away from the stupid fucking bottle then I wouldn't have thought it was a good idea to show up to her dorm in the middle of the night.

I blame that stupid long text message she sent me. Once I read it my eyes went straight to the whiskey and then I just couldn't stop. I just wanted the pain to go away. The ache in my heart to just stop hurting. Even if it was just for a couple of minutes or luckily for few hours, I just didn't want to deal with these fucked up feelings anymore.

I was drunk yes. But not drunk enough to not know what I was doing. I didn't go there expecting to have sex with her. Drinking was making me angry, which in my opinion was better then the pain I was feeling previously. I went there wishing she would explain why she did what she did. Instead I probably said some nasty things to her and then I felt bad even though she hurt me in more ways then just a few words. It was wrong for me to sleep with her and I shouldn't have insinuated it.

I woke up an hour ago. I've been sitting on the spare bed in Ava's room just watching her sleep. Contemplating if I should go before she wakes up.

I leave to finish the rest of the tour today. I could make a lucky escape now, avoiding the talk that I know is coming my way. I guess I could ignore it for another week and deal with it when I come back or I can deal with it when she wakes up.

I don't know what to do.

Thinking about it, if I have the talk with her today it's going to piss me off and make my mood for the rest the tour worse then what it was when I left. I was moody and irritable before and that was just from not being able to speak to Ava.

I'm going to tell Liam to not mention anything to Louis and Niall once we get back. It's easier for me if they don't know anything then they won't pity me all week.

I pick up my shirt from the floor and put it back on. I bend down really quietly to pick up my boots. I've decided that I don't want to wake her and I'll leave it for the week. Maybe it would be good for me to think over what I'm going to do about all of this.

I sit back down in the bed to put on my boots.
Shall I leave her a note, just to say bye? I feel bad just to ignore her completely. I did sleep with her last night and if I leave without saying anything then what does that say about me? Maybe that's what I would have done a few months ago, slept with her and left, but I'm not that guy anymore. Even though she has completely fucked me over, I can't do that to her.

I'll text her once I leave instead.

I stand up, picking up my keys and phone from the table, placing them in the pockets of my jeans.

"You're leaving" her quiet voice startles me.

Too late to back out now she's seen me.

"Yeah, I was going to text you once i left." I can feel her eyes on me but at this precise moment I can't bring myself to look at her.