96. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

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July 24th 2017, London

"Ahhhh, I'm shitting my pants!" I yelled as I entered the first of the many dressing rooms I was going to enter throughout the following six months. Today my tour was finally kicking off at Wembley and, even if I couldn't wait to perform for my fans again, I also felt pretty scared because the pressure was higher than ever since it was my first stadium tour. Everybody expected something crazy, or at least something crazier than what I did on my last tour, and I hoped I wasn't going to disappoint them. I had spent months driving myself crazy and thinking about a way to top a bloody garden of Eden on a stage and came to one conclusion: I had to make my visual album a reality. The preparation had clearly been very long and stressing as, turning the stage into very different places, seemed almost impossible but, in the end, we had reached our goal.

"I still can't believe I'm going to travel the whole world with my best friend!" Jack said as he put his camera on the table. He was amazing at what he did and he knew what I liked more than anyone so I had, indeed, hired him as my personal photographer for this tour since he had graduated from NYU and was in search of a job. Employing him had also been a selfish act of mine because I knew I would have missed him too much and missing Harry was already going to be hard enough.

Harry and I had recently made it official to the public by attending the London Dunkirk premiere together. I went there to watch the movie and support him but we hadn't planned to take pictures together on the carpet. However, as we were walking inside next to each other, a paparazzi kindly asked us to pose and Harry just turned around and did what he was asked to do (yes, he weirdly didn't refuse).

To be honest, everybody already knew we were together as, in the past couple of months, it seemed impossible to escape paparazzi but, for some reason, the picture on the red carpet was seen as the final confirmation of our relationship

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To be honest, everybody already knew we were together as, in the past couple of months, it seemed impossible to escape paparazzi but, for some reason, the picture on the red carpet was seen as the final confirmation of our relationship. Useless to say many of his fans had started saying that I was only a "beard", which apparently was needed to cover Harry and Louis' real relationship or something like that, but I truly didn't care about them because Harry and I were the only ones that needed to know the truth and that was that we were happy and loved each other very much.

He was going to follow me around as much as possible until he had to leave for his tour, too. If on one side, being both on tour was going to be easier than if one of the two had to stay home alone, on the other hand, it was going to be harder because flying to see each other was going to be even more difficult. I obviously planned on going to the first two dates of his tour but, after those, we weren't going to see each other for about a month and a half and I already knew how much I would miss him, his kisses, his cuddles, his jokes... everything.

After my soundcheck, I headed backstage and my beauty staff started working their magic on me. For my shows, I was going to change outfit and look six times in total so I was going to keep them pretty occupied for the whole night. If the theme of my last tour was a garden of Eden, the perfect word to describe the one for this tour was sexy. It was definitely going to be a different experience for my fans and I was excited to see their reaction.

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