How would you feel? (Harry Styles) || COMPLETED

56. I'm A Mess

July 3rd 2015, New York

Waking up, I felt confused and lost. My head was pounding and my stomach was all over the place. I looked around and realized I had crashed on the couch. Memories from the night before started coming back and tears only followed. I saw the pink Moët & Chandon bottle on the coffee table and felt the urge to kick it, but resisted.

I heard a knock on the door and my stupid, naive heart fell for it once again: I wanted it to be Harry. How could I still want him after the night before? I didn't know. God, and to think I had always believed I was a strong woman. Strong my ass, I was a ridiculous mess.

As the knocking continued, I found the strength to stand up and go check who it was. I opened the door and found Jack with a worried look on his face. As he realized I was in front of him, a smile of relief appeared on his face.

"Damn, woman, what happened to you?" he half giggled, "you look like a mess" he said as he overtook me and made his way inside

"Could you please lower your voice?" I asked, "my head hurts"

"Hangover?" he giggled and I nodded at him, "you're lucky I'm your friend: I've brought you the best donuts of New York"

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry" I looked down

"I've seen pictures online and you've lost a ton of weight in the past month... I'm forcing you to eat at least one of these" he sighed, "you can either choose which one, or I'll be the one choosing it and shoving it into your mouth" he said but I only burst out laughing. Turns out he was serious, because I was the only one laughing.

"I'm not kidding, Miss" he said, "you're eating, then you're going to wipe the smudged makeup you have all over your face off, have a shower and then we're going out"

"No, Jack" I shook my head, "I really don't feel like going out today"

"What the hell happened last night?" he stared straight into my eyes with his hazel eyes but I immediately looked down. Why couldn't I stand to look at someone in their eyes for long these days?

"You seriously don't wanna know it" I faked a laugh

"Oh, but I do" he said, "you can tell me all about it while you have your breakfast" he handed me a chocolate donut. I took it and, as I bit into it, I realized how hungry I actually was. In no time, I had finished the first donut and was about to dig into another one. As I was eating, I felt slightly better (only physically) and I felt really grateful for Jack. After all, not everybody was mean.

"Ohh" he suddenly said, "fancy chocolates" he winked

"You can have them" I shrugged so he opened the box. A weird folded paper fell from it and I immediately felt curious and nervous. What was it? He picked it up and opened it. As he read the first lines, he folded it again and put it on the coffee table,

"I think you should read it when you're alone" he said, "I should go..." he stood up

"Don't be silly, stay..." I took his hand and dragged him on the couch with me, "whatever it is, it can definitely wait" I said, even if I felt curious to know what was written in it. Was it the explanation I had been wanting to hear for a whole month? Was there a need to write it down? Wasn't he able to communicate? Bloody hell, he made me mad. I was going crazy. He was - we were- too difficult. Too much to handle, for the both of us.

Even if I found it extremely hard, I decided to get myself together and tried to not let him ruin my last couple of days in New York. I had plenty of time to be alone and depressed in my hotel rooms, so I stood up, took a quick shower, got ready and left the flat with a smiley Jack.