How would you feel? (Harry Styles) || COMPLETED

72. Christmas Love

December 26th 2016, Northwich

After spending the previous night making a playlist for Harry, just like he had done for me, and sleeping only four hours due to my nerves, I found myself wandering around the fields that surrounded my house at 6 AM. It was dark and cold, but something about it made me feel weirdly refreshed. I walked with Harry's playlists in my ears, thinking about us, how much we had changed and grown up but how, ironically, we were still the same. In his "you" playlist, Harry had put thirty songs that made me realize how sad and sorry he was for what he had done... but, for some reason, I wasn't so sure about what to do. I had a million doubts and questions in my mind. Was it possible for me to trust him again... for us to be friends, or more, again? Was he going to hurt me again? Was it worth it? Did I really want to go back? I knew I had always ruined everything with my overthinking, but this time taking the risk seemed like the most dangerous thing in the world. The possibility of being as heartbroken as I was after that night New York again wasn't exactly thrilling but, at the same time, I was aware that he had made me the happiest girl and I hadn't been able to be as happy without him. Somehow, I knew Harry was my person, the one I always went back to, the one that could make feel anything, the one I loved... but I was scared, afraid of hurting.

As I made my way home, I realized that I needed to let go of all those thoughts and just go with the flow. I didn't know what was going to happen between us and it was okay. His company, his friendship, were all that mattered, and I only felt grateful that he was willing to spend his precious time with me. 

"Where were you?" My sleepy brother asked me as I entered the kitchen with my coat on

"Just wandering" I shrugged, "I need to bake some cupcakes... will you help me?" 

"Wandering at 7 AM?" he giggled, "what's on your mind?" he asked as he started looking for the ingredients

"James, what would you do if your ex-girlfriend came back to your life?" I said, "and in the past, she hurt you... a lot... but, for some reason, she seems sorry, remorseful... and she just makes you happy?"

"He's back?" he bluntly asked, "I mean... I don't really know what I should tell you..." he sighed, "you're my little sister and I would really like to protect you from anything... and I don't ever want to see you as heartbroken as last year... but I can see that he's a special lad... so I'll just tell you to follow your heart" he looked at me, "and if he hurts you again, I'm going to kill him" 

"James!" I giggled, "I love you," I said, before wrapping my arms around him. I adored my relationship with him. We were silly, childish and immature together but, in certain circumstances, we could always count on each other, talk about the most serious matters and solve any problem we had. 

After our short conversation, we baked the chocolate cupcakes that I was obviously going to bring at Harry's and I started getting ready for the day. Since I was going to their house, I opted for a simple outfit: a Gucci shirt tucked in my black skinny jeans and my black ankle boots. Same went for my makeup: I put some mascara on and my classic red lipstick since it was still Christmas time. 

"I know I'm early, but I'm the one in the Audi in front of your house. Just come outside whenever you're ready. Can't wait to see you x" I read on my phone's screen at 11.15 AM. I could tell he was nervous about that day because he had arrived ahead of time and he was never on time unless he was anxious or excited. I looked out of my window and saw him in the car. He had a green beanie on and was cracking his knuckles. I giggled at his cuteness before putting my coat on, taking Harry's gift, walking downstairs, taking my cupcakes and the two Penfolds Grange wine bottles, saying bye to my family and exiting the house.