Sarah
I wake up before anyone else the following morning and make up a pot of coffee. I'm sitting on the back porch when I'm joined by Karen. After making small talk, she eases into a much deeper conversation that I've been dreading, but expecting.
"I know we've talked about this before, Sarah, but where do you see things going with Michael?"
"I honestly don't know. I'm not looking that far ahead. Life is too short to try to plan out everything. I have fallen in love with him, but I don't expect it to last forever. I hope it does, but I'm not stupid. He's a young, talented, attractive man with an amazing heart. He has so much ahead of him. There's so much life has to offer him, and I'm not going to stand in his way."
"I like you Sarah, and I love your kids. They're great kids, and a lot of fun. They like to see you happy. Just don't let a man, even my son, be your source of happiness. Your happiness has to come from within you." Such wise words that I truly believe in as well.
"Exactly! I know tour is going to be hard, but I am happy. Sure, I miss him when he's gone, but I can live without him and still be happy with myself, with my life. No man will ever define my happiness ever again. I'm not making the same mistake twice."
"What? I'm a mistake?" Michael says from behind us. It's never good when they only hear half of the conversation. He's scratching the back of his neck nervously and I hate seeing him like this.
"You have a habit of doing that, you know that?" I chuckle. "Of sneaking up behind me when I'm talking about you! You only caught part of the conversation Mikey. I was telling your mom that you are not a mistake. And I am never going to let you become one. You make me so happy babe, but you aren't my source of happiness. I am." I hope he understands what I'm saying. He stands there for a bit, thinking over my words before he smiles at me, nodding. I think he does.
"Like what we were talking about last night?"
"Exactly." He smiles wide and tells me he loves me, and of course I tell him the same.
Michael
I think I understand what she's saying and it makes me love her that much more. She wants to be strong, happy and independent on her own. She doesn't want to need anyone ever again. I saw first hand how Rob's mood swings and controlling behavior affected her. I don't ever want to see her that way again. And neither does she. But it's kind of scary to think that she doesn't need me. She could drop me so fast and it wouldn't phase her.
"Hey mom?" Grace interrupts cautiously. "Can you come here a sec?" Sarah gets up and goes inside and I'm left out here with my mum.
"If she doesn't need me, does that mean she's going to leave me?" I ask my mum quietly.
"Oh Mike, not at all. You're not understanding this right. Come sit a minute." She motions for me to take the chair Sarah was just sitting in and I sit down. "Honey, she loves you. But what she's getting at is that she has to love herself first. She can't give you all of her love until she's happy in who she is. Her self worth can never be defined by a man, no matter who it is. I don't think she understood that when she married Rob. She defined herself by Rob's happiness and you see where that got her. She has to be happy with who she is as a person. Just as you need to do. You need to find that inner self worth and be happy with Michael Clifford as a person. Only then will you two be truly happy together. I love your father with every fiber of my being, but he doesn't make me Karen, only I can do that. Does that make sense?" More than you know Mum. I nod at her and hug her tight. "Just always remember one crucial thing. Those three kids in there - they will always come first. Before herself, and before you."
"I love you Mum."
"I love you too Mike. Take advantage of this tour to find yourself and be truly happy with who you are. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the difference it will make in your life."
We walk inside and Sarah is coming back out of the hallway.
"Everything okay?" I ask her.
"Yup! Girl stuff," she says with a wink. Oh. "I'm going to go shower and get ready. When do we need to leave for the airport?"
"Noon." It's 9am now, so we have three hours. It's going to go quick. Too quick. "Mind if I join you?" I ask quietly so the kids down the hall don't hear me. That was a lesson well learned! She grabs my hand with a smile and leads me down the stairs. Mum remains quiet and starts getting out pans to start breakfast, a smile stretched across her face.
Sarah
There's a different air between us as we reemerge from the Marah Cave. It's a peaceful content that is really foreign to me. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly, but I really like it. It gives me a sense of hope, and makes the trip home much easier. I'm not dreading the UK /Ireland leg anymore. Sure, I'm not looking forward to going a month without seeing him, but I'm not feeling as miserable about it as I was before. April is going to be nuts, with soccer games starting, and work, and preparing for end of the year everything at school. It's going to fly by.
We all sit down and eat the brunch buffet that Karen put together, then I help make sure the kids didn't forget to pack anything. I leave Karen with the equivalent of fifty American dollars, which she fights insistently on. In the end, she takes it from me after I tell her it's just in case we leave something, so she could ship it back to us.
We say our sad goodbyes full of tears, mostly on Karen's part, and make the drive to the airport.
There's a shitload of fans outside and I have no idea how they knew we were flying back today, but they figured it out. We drop off the car at the rental place and figure out our plan on the shuttle to the terminal. We all get off at a different terminal and sneak our way inside. Just like on our arrival, Michael won't meet the fans because there's just too many without his security team there. We manage to get in through customs with only having a few fans inside to deal with, and they're really quiet and polite. They talked to all of us and we have a nice conversation until the group outside spots us and we have to leave quickly.
It's the same inside the security checkpoint, with only a few random fans taking weekend flights out of Sydney.
Finally we're boarding the plane and as soon as we find our seats, Michael gets a text from Ashton that our flight information the entire way to Dulles has been leaked. Shit. This isn't good. Dulles is too small to sneak out of unseen. Michael looks to me fearfully and a thought occurs to me. One great thing about living where I do, is there's three different airports nearby to choose from.
"When we get to LA, we get our flights changed to one into Baltimore. I have a friend with a car big enough to drive us all home. Tomorrow morning she can take me up to get the car from Dulles." The relief on his face is obvious and I'm so glad that I could help him. He texts Ashton back with the plan, then shuts off his phone and we get ready to take off.
Just as before, the kids are several rows ahead of us, this time they're closer to the front restroom, while we're near the back one. He's been tweaking the seats as we go I see!
A few hours into the flight, when most of the first class passengers are asleep, he looks at me with mischief in his eyes. I know exactly what he's thinking and I get up and go straight to the bathroom. A minute later, he joins me in the bathroom and, like twice before, he fucks me quick and hard. Why has the flight from Sydney to LA become "our" flight? I'm not complaining, though! I love every bit of it!
