Sarah
I sincerely hope I did not just hear that right. I hope it just sounded that way because it's muffled into my chest. Please. His light snores continue as he holds me tighter and I begin to realize just how fucked up this situation is. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I need to end this before it's too late and he ends up hurt. I've been having so much fun living my dream that I never once stopped to think about him. I just never thought it'd come to this in only a week and a half. SHIT!
After at least an hour of debating with myself on how to handle this, I finally fall asleep, my fingers still in his hair, but having come to no decision whatsoever.
Michael
I wake up in the same position that I fell asleep in, my head on Sarah's chest, holding her tight. I recall my dream I had last night and it disturbs me. I don't remember much, other than hearing her say 'I love you' and telling her I loved her, too. I can't be falling in love with her. It's fucked up in every way possible. Absolutely nothing good could come from it. This was just supposed to be a quick summer fling, purely sex. Emotions were never supposed to come into play. I look up to see her beautiful sleeping face and my heart pulls. Shit, I think I have fallen for her. This is not good. What the fuck do I do? I'm just a fantasy that she's living out, but she's grown to mean everything to me. There is no good outcome to this anymore. I don't want to let her go. But I have no say in the matter. She's leaving in a few days with her husband, going home to her kids, her family. That I'll never be a part of. Fuck, I should've listened to Ashton from the start. I need to go. I need to get away from here before I get sucked in even further.
As I try to unwrap myself from her without waking her, I feel a sharp pain in my chest. It's literally hurting me to leave, but it's what I have to do.
Sarah
When I wake up, my bed is empty. I don't like it, but it's probably better that way. I grab my phone off the night stand and see a text from Michael.
To S
Sorry I had to dart out. I had to go sort some things out. Have a safe flight home. It's been fun. xx
I didn't hear him wrong after all and he left when he realized it. My eyes are blurring up and I know I'm about to cry. I really fucked things up this time. This is so not fair to him. I feel like scum.
"FFFUUUCCCKKK!" I scream at the top of my lungs. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him. I need to get some air. Now. I quickly get out of bed and change my clothes, leaving his shirt on. I leave the bedroom in tears and see Calum in the kitchen. I can't help but cry even harder. I don't make it to the door before Calum spots me.
"Sarah? Are you okay?" He comes running over to me and I collapse to the ground.
"Shit, Sarah. Where's Mike? MIKE!" this makes me cry harder.
"He left Cal. I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I never ever wanted to hurt him Cal. I'm so sorry!"
Calum
What the hell happened between last night and this morning? I pull Sarah into my chest and hug her, hoping she'll calm down soon and explain. How did she hurt him? What she's implying is emotional pain, but I don't understand. I thought things were purely sexual between them.
"Shhh shhh shhh Sarah? Can you please tell me what happened? Maybe I can help." I ask her.
She pulls out of my embrace and looks at me with tear stained puffy eyes. "It was supposed to be purely physical, Cal. I shouldn't have kept it going this long. I never wanted him to fall in love with me! I never thought that he would!"
Oh fuck. "So where is he now?" I ask her, although knowing Mike and seeing how she is right now, I already know her answer.
"He left. While I was asleep." Typical Michael.
"Sarah? Why are you crying though?" There are two possible answers to this, and I have a feeling it's both.
"I never wanted him to get hurt, Calum! He's too amazing, too sweet, he doesn't deserve this!" There's one of the two. I have a strong feeling there's more, but getting her to admit that may be a lot harder to do.
"And?" I prompt.
"And what?" She looks at me quite confused. Yeah, she won't be admitting it any time soon.
"Sarah, you wouldn't be screaming at the top of your lungs and bawling your eyes out over hurting him if he was just a fuck to you. You have feelings for him, too."
She shakes her head vigorously, then stops and puts her head in her hands. "I care about him Cal. I care about him, and Ash, and you, and Luke. I always have. I've always cared as a fan. But after getting to know all of you, I care about you all as people, individuals too, not just as 5SOS." She has got such a huge heart, and it warms my heart to know she cares.
"That's not what I meant, though Sarah," I tell her. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but I've always been told to be honest with yourself. Denying or locking away emotions and feelings will only bite you in the ass later on.
"I know what you meant Cal, and I honestly don't know. I haven't given it much thought."
"Your heart already has and is telling you, and my bare chest, how you feel." She giggles and turns red as she finally realizes I don't have a shirt on. It's nice to know she hasn't thought about that and was just content with me being a friend.
"God I really fucked things up royally, didn't I?" I give her a half-smile, encouraging her to keep talking. "I never should've let things go this far. I have a family, a husband, regardless of how distant we've become emotionally, I should've known better. It's just, a dream come true, ya know? You guys, Mikey especially, have helped me as much as my daughter. I just, I didn't realize how much was missing from my life until I got a taste of it. Now I don't want to let that go. But the reality is that I don't have a choice. I just absolutely hate that Mikey, of all people, is getting hurt in the process. I can deal with my own misery, but not someone else's." I have to admit that I'm bothered by what she said about her marriage. That's never a good thing. They seemed so happy on the plane, but I guess she's pretty good at acting that way.
"Are... Are things okay for you? At home, I mean." I know it's none of my business, but she seems to care more about others than herself. I just need to know.
"Yeah, they are," she sighs and I get the feeling she's lying. "It's just been stressful. Grace's... problems... are fairly recent and it's just weighed a lot on me. It's put a lot of distance between us all. Except for Grace and I. My world's revolved around her for awhile now. She's finally in a better place than she's been in a long time and I really need to try to bridge the gap I created with Rob, and with the boys."
"Correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't you and Rob supposed to come together in times like these with Grace?" I ask. I don't know much as far as my own relationships go, only what I've seen by my own parents, the Hemmings' and Clifford's.
"Calum, can I give you one piece of advice?" I nod and she continues. "Don't rush into anything. Make sure that you really know the person, that you are better, happier, with them than without them." She's happier away from Rob? That's not a good sign. But her kids are obviously everything to her. I'm sure that's why she's staying in this situation because of them. I nod again at her to let her know I understand.
"Sarah? What are you going to do about Mikey?" She sighs and shrugs her shoulders.
"I honestly don't know. I never expected things to go this far. I never expected feelings to get involved, on either side."
