Lose Myself

Chapter One: A Change

Looking to the side I remembered the sleeping bag I had packed in one of the boxes, I sprung into action.  Digging frustratedly through most of my boxes before grabbing a hold on my sleeping bag and pillow and after taking the toiletries bag I'd packed in my suitcase to the bathroom and brushing my teeth, I came back to the main living space and changed into an oversized grey tee and snuggled into my sleeping bag.

Its just like me to forget to buy a bed. That was the last thought of the day.

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I winced as the light from outside shined through my very much open, very much bare windows. Of course along with not having bought a bed, I also hadn't bought any curtains. You know the way things were going I was starting to think maybe this wouldn't be so great, especially at this rate.

I groaned as I sat up from my warm spot in the middle of the living area and smiled down at the buzzing traffic, I may have grown up in a quiet neighbourhood but the buzz of the city never seized to amaze me. It was five in the morning —the time I had programmed myself to wake up ever since I was young — and yet the world was already in motion. If one thing could cheer me up it was the possibility of the day ahead, anything could happen and honestly I couldn't wait.

I got up ignoring the pain in my back from sleeping on the floor and made it my mission to buy some furniture today. It was a great opportunity, it was sunny and I had money to spend.

After brushing my teeth, taking a warm shower and freaking out about not having a towel then having to rummage through boxes naked looking for one, I was wrapped in fluffy cotton and walking into the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks remembering I didn't have any food then let my body move itself to get some clothes and my wallet.

As soon as I'd stepped out into the hallway and locked the door behind me, Vince popped his head around his door to say hello and after I'd smiled at him wishing him a good day, I made my way down stairs and into the car.

After a successful trip to Starbucks, I entered IKEA with a mocha in hand and a smile on my face. Nothing beats coffee in the morning. I welcomed the cold air-conditioned air of the store as it caused my skin to grow goosebumps. I walked around a little, picking things up, looking at the price and then putting them back down. Then I got bored and got down to business, I headed straight for the bed frames then decided I didn't want a frame on my bed. Then I just decided to go with a frameless bed remembering the struggle I went through when I lived with my parents, framed beds suck.

After purchasing a frameless bed, bedside tables, a headboard, shelving units, a dressing table set and bed linen. I signed the delivery papers and went in search of furniture for the rest of my new home. And after purchasing all the furniture I needed for the living, dining and office I scheduled a delivery date for the following day and went out for lunch.

I'd managed to find a different restaurant along the waterfront before leaving the apartment that morning and was sure glad I'd opted for finding something new instead of heading to same place I'd gone last night. This new restaurant had the best hot chips I'd ever tasted and for a restaurant that sold hot chips and was next to the water, I was surprised it wasn't a seafood restaurant. I hated seafood but still it was quite unexpected, maybe the owner hated seafood too.

Looking out at the ocean and down at small section of sand I couldn't help but notice all the fit girls tanning on beach towels, under fancy umbrellas and with reflective boards. I could never picture myself in a scenario like that but as I sipped my slushy and watched from afar it didn't seem like a half bad idea. I wanted to, but my fair skin could easily be burnt and the idea would seem great at first but it wouldn't be very rewarding in the long run.

Sighing I walked back to my car and started the engine, I had no where to go and nothing to do. I sat for a while enjoying the cool breeze of the air conditioning against my skin for the second time today. Its funny really, I thought to myself as a smile spread across my face, here I am thinking about how great air conditioning is when I could be outside in the ocean enjoying the cool ocean breeze.

I shook my head as I backed out of the ocean front parking spot and drove back home, I had a ton of unpacking to do anyway.

It had taken me hours to get everything out of their boxes and packed into wardrobes and cabinets but I'd done it and all in good time. It was only about three in the afternoon and I still had plenty of time to run an errand. Grocery shopping. I still needed to get food and it had almost crossed my mind once again but luckily my empty pantry had jogged my memory.

After frowning down at my phone searching for a grocery store I'd located a handy supermarket only a couple blocks away, I could walk but knowing myself I had a hell of a lot to carry if I decided to do that. A car would be the best option. Starting up the car for the fourth time today, I drove to the supermarket and struggled for parking for about ten minutes before finding a spot fairly close to the front. I would need to learn what time to come shopping here if I was to find parking anytime sooner next time.

I'd spent a solid hour just picking up whatever I felt like before I decided that some healthy foods where called for, and after picking those I'd gone back and returned some of the junk. Just looking at it made me feel fat. Satisfied with what filled my trolley I trudged along to the register. "Hello, how was you day?" a young girl asked from the other side, I smiled back at her thinking this must be one of her first jobs because she looked about fifteen years of age.

"It was great thanks." I smiled as I piled all my groceries onto the counter and picked them up after they'd been scanned. The girl didn't ask any questions after the first one and I was glad, often cashiers tried very hard to make conversation and I just didn't like people who asked many questions. I didn't find a need for anyone to know exactly what was going on with my life so the silence comforted me.

"Wow, you have a hell a lot of stuff here." the girl breathed after tapping in a bunch of things. It had come up to over three hundred dollars, but what had I expected after I'd grabbed about everything on the shelves.

"Yeah I just moved here, I live alone so this should last me a couple weeks or more." I smiled swiping my card and pushing my pin into the faulty machine. The girl smiled with a thanks and I was out the door.

When I got home it had taken at least another hour for me to get all my groceries up, it suddenly seemed a lot harder without Vince to help me. Puffed and just about done with life, I slumped down onto my sleeping bag and fell asleep, nightmares followed of my previous life but relief flushed all the regrets down the toilet because I was somewhere new now. Somewhere were I could start over.