A Goddess in the Demon World || Sesshomaru

Chapter 40

It's inevitable. My existence is a lie. I have known this for some time, but confirming it like this makes me wonder who I am and if it's right to title myself with the word person. I march out of the temple while clenching onto my chest. Do I have the right to waste Athanasia's tears? I shouldn't since it's not my body.

Ah, I don't feel well. 

I exit the barrier and pass by Jaken and Ah-Un not giving them any attention and just stumble on my way to rest under a tree far from anyone's sight. I feel so embarrassed and stupid for having so much to wish for. My breathing gets heavy, and I start feeling dizzy, but I see a familiar silhouette approaching me. 

Subconsciously, I know it's Sesshomaru. However, with every moment he gets closer, I feel sadness overwhelming me. I had this fantasy of wishing for a world where Sesshomaru and I exist, but not even this place can make my wish come true.

"L-Leave," I struggle to say and close my eyes, hoping for time to relieve me of this panic attack.

This body must have been stressed out because of me. Athanasia should take over. I don't mind staying in that dark place all alone. Probably this time, I need to tell Sesshomaru not to find me.

I-

"Zuri," I hear Sesshomaru whisper in my ears. Suddenly, the coldness my body was feeling a moment ago has been overwhelmed with Sesshomaru's warmth. His breath lingers against my ears, making it harder for me to recover my breathing rhythm. I feel his hand on my left shoulder, and his left cheek brushes against my right cheek. 

What are you doing? You are making me panic even more.

I quickly place both my hands on his shoulder, trying to give him a light push away from me, but he just resists which makes me widen my eyes at this kind of unfamiliar attitude. "You need to calm down first," He whispers.

How will I calm down when-

I freeze in my place and forget to breathe when I feel his nose touching mine, and then in an instant, his lips lay on mine. I immediately loosen my grip on his shoulder, unable to comprehend the current situation. However, it takes me a few seconds to realize what he is doing. He isn't actually kissing me, but he is trying to help me get my breathing back to rhythm, by pacing my breathing with his.

I let go of my grip on him, and we both pull away. He slowly gets up and says, looking away, "I saw a human with your condition."

"Let me guess, his friend helped him," I shyly say while looking at the grass underneath me. I hear him hum, and I sigh in defeat and then ask, "Do I look calm enough to you now?"

Sesshomaru turns to leave without giving me an answer as expected, but as I decide to get up, he halts and surprisingly utters, "I will not allow you to leave." 

Am I dreaming? Or is he just saying that since Zuri is a better option than Athanasia?

"It's not your choice to make because it was never a matter of choice to begin with," I firmly state and get up and then head to Ah-Un. 

Yes, it's not a matter of choice since I don't even exist not here nor in the far future.

We take our time in returning to the palace. Jaken said a few things none of which either of us replied to since we had so much on our mind. The conclusion I reached was to have one sole goal and that's to survive until Athanasia can completely overtake this body or for our souls to merge fully, hoping it will end my constant suffering.

I stand in front of Toga's study and invite myself inside. "I hope you bring good news," Toga smiles at me, and I see his eyes go from mine to meet Sesshomaru's behind me.

"I do bring news, but I'm not sure if it's good. I still have a few questions for Athanasia so kindly be involved as I speak," I state to both Toga and Athanasia as I shut the door after watching Sesshomaru walk inside as well.

"Seven Gods are dormant in the Musubi mountain. The twins told me enough information on three whereas the remaining four need consultation with Athanasia," I utter and proceed to ask Athanasia, "What information do you have on Inari?"

Athanasia smoothly takes over my body and answers, "Inari was always playful. She used the form of a woman in front of me. However, I caught a few glimpses of her when she is in her male form and that's her ruthless form. She only hurts those who cross her, but if you stay out of her way, she will be of no threat."

"What powers does she have?" Sesshomaru bluntly asks.

"Hmm, one time some farmers crossed her so she turned their bodies into fertilizers with a finger snap. It could be magic, but I never confirmed it since I wasn't interested," Athanasia casually answers and gives me back my body just like a switch.

I hear Toga humming, probably thinking of something, but I guess this isn't the kind of information he expected to receive. "The twins told me about the Triads Gods. Were you close to them Athanasia?" I ask, and I hear Athanasia giggle in the back of my head.

"We had so much fun back then. Those three are extremely mischievous, probably one of the reasons why the Northern Gods hated me. Oh! I just remembered. Those stones I'm wearing were a gift made by them," She answers in excitement.

"Yes, I know. The twins told me those stones allow you to go through Musubi's barrier," I state.

However, Athanasia negates my words in my head and corrects them, 'Those stones allow the carrier to go through any kind of barrier, and in return, puts a barrier around one's soul.'

I repeat Athanasia's words to Toga and Sesshomaru. Toga gets surprised and questions, "It doesn't only protect you, but can be used by anyone else?"

"Yes. However, these stones need a lot of power to maintain which makes it hard for anyone other than me to use them," Athanasia replies, and I nod in understanding.

"What about the other Gods in the South?" Sesshomaru states, pulling us to the main topic.

Athanasia hums and says with a smile, "They are my friends too. I'm not sure who is left, but the South are my allies. We will face problems with the Northern Gods, but the rest can be handled."

"Lady Athanasia," Toga calls her, and she turns in his direction. "The East and West have Seven Gods dormant in the Musubi mountains whom you are familiar with. Same thing with the Northern and the Southern Gods, but may I overstep and ask which Gods do you belong to?"

I feel Athanasia hesitate for a moment but eventually answers, "I belong to the Northern Gods."

She belongs to the Gods who chased her out. 

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This chapter is a little bit short. Hope, you don't mind.

Also, let me know when you find something unclear. I will do everything I can to clarify them in the upcoming chapters.

See you later 🍬

-👑 Noorie.