Bride To Be // Sandor Clegane

54. Ms Sassy

'My Lord.' Bronn said bowing before Tyrion.

'Do you have new clothes.' Tyrion remarked

'Do you like it?' Bronn said 'look at these gloves they're dove skin they're softer than a virgins thighs.'

'I sent for you days ago.' Tyrion reminded him.

'I've been a bit busy.' Bronn informed him.

'Doing what?' Tyrion questioned

'my bachelor days are over I am to marry Laures stokeworth.' Bronn told them,

'Laures stokeworth. she does not strike me as your sort of girl..' Tyrion remarked.

'I wouldn't say I have a single type of sort of girl.' Bronn said.

'She is dim witted.' Tyrion informed him.

'If I want witt I would marry you.' Bronn told him.

'Did my sister arrange this love match? Did she mention that Laures has an older sister?' Tyrion questioned.

'Yes Feliez I did know that I knew about the older sister.' Bronn informed them.

'Then you knew about the laws of inheritance.' Tyrion went on

'Feliez is 40 and barren.' Bronn told him.

'she still gets the castle when her father dies.' Tyrion reminded him

'She does unless she happens to perish before her father than Laures gets the castle.' Bronn remarked very calmly. 'what? Ladies fall off their horses and snap their necks all the time.'

'You and my sister deserve each other... why would you bother to come here?' Bronn sat down on the cell bed

'Do you remember you told me that if anyone ever asked me to sell you out you would double the price?' Bronn questioned and Tyrion nodded.

'Is it two wives you want or two castles.' Tyrion questioned

'One of each would do but if you want me to kill the mountain it better be a damn big castle.'

'I am a bit short on castles at the moment.' Tyrion admitted 'but I can offer you gold and gratitude.'

'I have gold what can I buy with gratitude?' Bronn questioned.

'You might be surprised.' Tyrion said 'a Lannister always pays his debts.'

'Your sister is a Lannister too.'

'My wife is the heir of Winterfell if I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders I may one day rule the north in her name I could carve you out a big piece of it.' Tyrion recalled.

'If and may and could but it's bloody cold up north Laures is soft and warm and close.' Bronn told him 'if I gave you the choice between fucking Laures and fighting the mountain you would have you would have your pants down and your cock up before I could blink.' Bronn remarked.

'Does he frighten you so much?'

'He frightens everyone he's freakishly big and freakishly strong and surprisingly quick for a man of that size.' Bronn remarked 'maybe I could take him dance around him until he's so tired of hacking at me and drops his sword get him off his feet but one misstep and I'm dead... why should I risk it?'

'Because you are my friend.' Tyrion suggested.

'Yes I am your friend, I have risked my life for you time and time again how many times have you risked your life for me?' bronn questioned. 'I like you, the pampered little shit that you are but I like you and I'm sorry it has to be this way.' Bronn told Tyrion.

'I understand.' Tyrion said 'Why are you sorry because you are an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart that is what I liked about you in the first place.' tyrion reminded him sticking his hand out Bronn shook it.

'I bet your pissed you didn't get lady Thea, little miss sassy skirts when you had the chance.' Bronn mused.

"Yes I think we established Shae was a bad idea.' Tyrion agreed.

'Come on, pretty little thing is probably just as miserable as you.' Bronn offered.

'you think?' that didn't make Tyrion feel any better though. 'Thea at least made her intentions, her hatred of me clear, shae didn't.'

'Shae was a whore, Thea was a lady, and your wife, wow you have shit luck with woman don't you?' Bronn mused.

'I blame you.' Tyrion told him.

'Blame me?'

"You found shae.'

"You took her from me.' Bronn reminded

'Yes... you gave her up so easily.' Tyrion recalled.

'what was I going to say? No find your own pretty little whore, this tratious bitch is mine?" Bronn pondered.

'Yes, that would have saved me some pain.' Tyrion agreed.

'We had some good days together.' Bronn noted

'Yes we did.' Tyrion agreed Bronn knocked on the door to be released before returning back to Tyrion

'What will you do?'

'I suppose I will have to kill the mountain myself.' Tyrion told him 'won't that make for a great song?'

'I hope to hear them sing it one day.' Bronn said bowing before them.

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"We met, you and I. Many years ago." Oberyn told Tyrion, when he entered his cell.

"I think I would have remembered that." Tyrion said distractedly.

"Unlikely. You had just been born. Our father brought me and my sister Elia with him on a visit to Casterly Rock. My first time away from Dorne. I didn't like anything about the Rock. Not the food, not the weather, not your accents. Nothing. But the biggest disappointment, you." Oberyn informed him.

"You and my family have more in common than you might admit." Tyrion told him.

"The whole way from Dorne all anyone talked about was the monster that had been born to Tywin Lannister. A head twice the size of his body, a tail between his legs, claws, one red eye, the privates of both a girl and a boy." Oberyn went on Tyrion looked up at him with a chuckle

"That would have made things so much easier." Tyrion joked lightly.

"When we met your sister, she promised she would show you to us. Every day we would ask to see the monster. Every day she would say, "Soon." Then she and your brother took us to your nursery and... she unveiled the freak. Your head was a bit large. Your arms and legs were a bit small, but no claws. No red eye. No tail between your legs. Just a tiny pink cock. We didn't try to hide our disappointment. "That's not a monster," I told Cersei, "that's just a baby." And she said, "He killed my mother. And she pinched your little cock so hard, I thought she might pull it off. Until your brother made her stop. "It doesn't matter," she told us. "Everyone says he will die soon, I hope they are right; he should not have lived this long."" Tyrion let out a sharp breath, cersei had always hated him, always.

"Well... sooner or later, Cersei always gets what she wants." Tyrion remarked.

"And what about what I want? Justice for my sister and her children." Oberyn informed him.

"If you want justice, you've come to the wrong place." Tyrion told him

"I disagree. I've come to the perfect place. I want to bring those who have wronged me to justice, and all those who have wronged me are right here. I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane, who killed my sister's children and then raped her with their blood still on his hands before killing her, too." Tyrion held his breath not daring to believe what he was about to say, "I will be your champion."

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