Alliums

HEAVY ANGST WARNING!!!

TWTWTWTWTWWWTWTWTWTWWTWWTW Suicide, depression, death, literally everything except blood ED and drugs (Those come later)

Please stay safe. 

Did I seriously write an angsty chapter with no blood? HOW?!

Tomathy Theseus Danger Innit Minecraft was done. 

He was just done. In fact, he was so far beyond done that he couldn't even see it. Done was so beneath him. He was drained, depleted, exhausted, spent. 

Oh. What was he done with? 

Life. 

I mean, if Ranboo could do it, why couldn't he right? He was Tomathy Theseus Danger Innit Minecraft! If he wanted to die, he was going to die. 

Just switched to iPad because probably shouldn't be writing this on my school computer...

So after the fight with Wilbur, Tommy ran upstairs. He wrote down a note.

Dear Philza/Dadza/Big man/Crowfather,

I just wanted you to know that this wasn't your fault. My suicide, I mean. You're one of the few people who kept me in this world. But it's become too much and I'm afraid to talk to you guys. Please don't be mad... I'll miss you. I love you

Tommy

Technoblade,

I just wanted you to know that you were the most pog brother I could have asked for. You always made me feel safe and I always knew you'd be there for me. You'd fight thousands for me... but you can't fight what I want. I love you.

Tommy.

Wilbur

I'm sorry we fought. I'm sorry for everything. It's just building and growing and I'm so scared you hate me now. Especially after this. Please Wilby, don't hate me. I just don't know how to talk to you. To any of you. This has been going on for a while, and I don't know how to stop. I love you, Wilby.

Tommy.

Tubso... Big T

I don't know what to say, but I feel like I should say something. You were my brother, my best friend. You were always there, clinging in your way. You were always such happiness in my life, and I'll miss you. I'm scared I didn't do right by you, and that I didn't do enough for you. Don't disappear. Lean on your brothers. Let them be the greatest gift I gave you. 

I love you so much, Tubso.

Tommy.

The letters finished, Tommy sat on the window sill. He was just going to jump, dive even. Snap his neck or hit his head or something... deadly. 

He considered the ground quietly. This was the moment, the one he always considered. Oh yeah, this wasn't the first time. He literally had a stack of notes with several suicide letters hidden in his dresser drawer in a file folder... Anyways, this wasn't the first time.

Tommy just had the courage this time.

"Tommy? What are you doing?!"

Tommy flinched, whirling around. Tubbo was staring at him from the doorway. Tommy saw tears in Tubbo's  eyes. What was he doing?! "Tubbo?!" Tommy cried.

He tried to get off the window sill, but his foot slipped. He fell backwards, out of the window. 

For a second, Tommy felt nothing. Weightless, empty. His physical state matched his mental state. Empty.