Devils Revenge

~Chapter Forty-One~

~One week later~

I slowly walked into my usual room and sat down on the chair. I looked at the group in front of me and waited for them.

They quieted down once they realised I was waiting.

"Could everyone please grab a paper and pen?" I whispered. They slowly got to my desk and took a paper and pen, sitting on the floor.

"So today we're going to be writing letters," I mumbled. They started talking over each other, yelling about how stupid this activity was.

"SHUT UP GUYS, SHE WANTS TO TALK," someone yelled. They quieted down eventually and stared at me.

"You guys are writing letters. No one argue with me because I don't want to fight with you's," I muttered.

They muttered things under their breath before settling down.

"Grief is just a endless pit of despair.  It starts up in your chest. It feels tight, like you can't breathe," I started.

"When you keep the feeling down long enough, you think it's gone away. It hasn't. It only rises up into your throat. With every breath you take, you attempt to swallow down the feeling but it only gets worse," I could feel their eyes on me as I played with the spare pencil on the desk. My eyes were welling with tears as I talked.

"And then your eyes start to sting, the tears forming in them due to the pain," I felt as if my voice was going to break at any moment.

Don't cry, not here.

"Grief is just love, all the love that you couldn't give to that person. All that love gathers up into the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and that hollow feeling in your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." I turned away from them and wiped my eyes.

"You guys are going to write letters. To family, friends, lovers. Write them a goodbye, a love letter, an apology. Tell them how much you loved them, appreciated them. Tell them your regrets and future goals," I whispered. They looked around at each other confused.

"If any one of you die fighting, I'll send the letter to who ever you want, I'll send it for you. I'll take it to their house and explain the situation. Because no one should have to leave this world without getting to say a goodbye. Because no one should have to experience grief alone," they stared at me unable to talk. I stood up in my seat so they could all see me.

"So tell them how much you love them, tell them that they're the only person you ever needed, tell them that you made mistakes and would fix them when you got the chance," I mumbled.

"Tell them that they mattered, and that your sorry for all the stupid shit you said behind their backs or to their faces. Because this is the only chance you will ever get. This is the only chance you will get to apologise to them for everything," I began to breathe a little heavier. I sat back down and stared at my desk.

"Are y-you okay?" Someone asked. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and looked up.

"I'm f-fine," I mumbled. They began to whisper.

"But your eyes are teary and red. What's wrong?" Hassan asked. I shook my head at them and wiped my eyes.

"Just write your letter, please just write them," I said. They didn't ask any further questions and started writing. I put my head in my hands and turned around, facing the wall and hugging my legs.

He's gone because I left him at home.

He's gone because of me.
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