Gift of the Goddess

chapter 26 - Melancholy

Sometimes I wake up wondering if I'm still in a dream. If the actions I take really have an effect on the world around me. It was a surreal feeling to be in a position like this. Talking to the ghost that always haunted my mind. I always wondered what she could be doing with her life, I wondered if I was a ghost haunting the back of her mind. And now the voices couldn't plague me anymore. I had my answers.

"We were walking home from the grocery store, that's when we passed you in the alleyway." I could feel this twinge in my chest as the words came out.

I could hear the gunshot ringing in my ear faintly, flashes of my mom's body dropping in front of me flared in my mind. I moved my hand up to my face slowly, I looked over my fingers. Slowly moving them to my mouth, but I stopped. I moved my fingers down and I looked her in the eyes.

"I heard you screaming for help, and once I saw what was going on I ran in without thinking." I took a breath and tried to calm down. My heart was racing, faster and faster the more I talked." I tackled the guy down, and you ran off. Now here's the part, I hate the most."

"You don't have to if you-" She started to talk but I stopped her.

"No! I want you to know who the real hero is. I want to tell you about her. Once you were gone, I tried wrestling him down. But he got the better of me and threw me off, and pulled out a gun." I balled my fist in frustration, this wave of rage built up inside me. "That's when my mom came in, she tackled the gunman and told me to run. I hesitated, I wanted to go back in and save her. Then the gunshot sounded off, and my mom. D-dropped." I could hear myself beginning to stutter.

I tried to tell her more, but the words escaped me. I wanted to tell her how the killer ran off past me, that my legs felt like cement. That I couldn't do anything at all. That I was completely useless.

"I can't do this," Lux said as she shot up.

I was suddenly free from my shock and I quickly turned to her.

"Lux-!" I called out.

She rushed to the door and I chased after her. I tried to grab her shoulder but she just smacked my hand away. She stopped as she swung the front door open, she hesitated as she looked down to the floor.

"I can't do this Strdyer, I just can't! I can't even stand being in the same room as..." She stopped for a moment.

A clear look of astonishment crossed her face.

"Lux it's okay if you still can't forgive us both yet.." I replied.

She stood still for a moment, then she abruptly slammed the door leaving out.

I jumped a little and stared at the door. I remember the week of Mom's funeral, my dad beat me as soon as we got home. Telling me over and over again how it was my fault. I carried that burden for years, and even now I still carry it. I can't imagine just how much she's carrying on her back right now. How much change I've been forcing on her to take. How many mixed emotions she had to bury in order to take care of me. She needed time.

"Forgive Lux Donum, it's a lot for her to take in at once." I turned back to her.

Her eyes met mine for a moment, then she quickly looked away to the floor.

"No, no! It's fine!" She replied. "I can't imagine this is easy for her, or for you."

"Well, if I'm being honest. Seeing you is the greatest blessing I could have ever gotten."

She slowly looked back up into my eyes. She had this look of astonishment on her face.

"Why is that? So much happened because of me.."