Preacher Man // ross lynch + driver era

54

The day I have dreaded since he told me the news two weeks ago. Today, Ross leaves Colorado to move in with his family.

I'm not going to act like I'm not devastated. He has been my rock these last few months and I don't really know how I'm going to survive this year without him. I would essentially call him the missing piece to the puzzle of my life which is stupid and cliché, but it's true.

I didn't want to make it a huge process because I know I'll break down in front of him. He's leaving at 10 AM with only himself and his bags. I decide to wake up a little before him and walk to the coffee shop right next to his apartment. With a quick 30 minute adventure because the line is way too long for this early in the morning, I walk back with our coffees.

I open the apartment with the key he made me a while ago. With a coffee in each hand, I walk into his bedroom. He's still sprawled out and sleeping. He was up packing until 3 in the morning so I'm not surprised when I see him knocked out when he didn't move an inch when I slipped out of his grasp forty minutes earlier.

"Hi babe," I say softly to wake him up. "Time to wake up."

Ross opens his eyes slowly and blinks a few times. "Hey," his sleepy voice replies.

"I got you some coffee." I lean my hand out and begin to push back his wild hair from his face.

Ross continues to stare at me, clearly confused. "Thank you. What time is it?"

I glance at my watch before replying. "8:15. I think you snoozed your alarm."

"Mm." He sits up and I hand him his coffee. "Thanks, I definitely needed this. My coffee machine is packed up and I have no idea where it is." He leans over and kisses my forehead before drinking some of his coffee.

My heart aches hearing that and I try to act calm and collected. I can't cry in front of him anymore. I have done it one too many times.

Ross gets up and walks into the bathroom, his bare feet padding against the wood floors. He comes out fifteen minutes later with a freshly cleaned body. During the time he was showering, I glanced around at the empty room with the only thing in it was his mattress, blanket and pillow. My eyes teared up at the realization that he was actually leaving. I can't do this. I can't sit here and I act like I can hold myself together.

I wipe my eyes and collect myself once I hear the shower turn off. "I have to go. I got called into work," I lie. I need to leave. If I stay here any longer, all I will do is cry and it won't be pleasant for either of us.

"Really, babe? You have to go now?"

I nod. "I'm sorry. It was, um, some emergency. I love you. Call me when you get there, okay?" I rush my words. I walk over and press my mouth against his quickly, allowing myself to savor his kiss.

I pull away only moments later and quickly walk out the door. I hear him call my name, but I keep walking. I hurry down the hallway as the tears start streaming down my face. I cover my mouth to contain any sobs as my whole body seems to cave.

"Hayley... your keys," Ross yells from down the hallway.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I refuse to turn around. I continue walking to the stairs when I hear his feet running up behind me. I'm hyperventilating at this point from the number of tears rolling down my face. It felt like my whole body was convulsing. Why is this so hard for me?

I think it's mostly because I've never had someone I can truly depend on. Someone I can run to for advice, someone to cheer me up and someone who brings me so much joy. I never had the connection to my parents or any cousins when I was younger. I never thought I was going to be able to connect with a person as I didn't know how to. Then I found Ross and he made me feel something. I'm scared if he leaves and we do happen to break up down the road, then I will lose that. I don't like change.