5SOS Preferences and Requests

Please Read xx

Hi guys.

I know I haven't updated in a while. I'm really sorry about that.

If you didn't already know, I've been dealing with moderate-severe depression. And right now, I've just been hit really hard. I'm not motivated, I'm having a hard time sleeping, I feel like I've let everyone in my life down.

And my writing has really helped with all of that. It lets me escape and get away for a while. And seeing your comments, you have no idea how much I love them. From the really funny ones to the stop or I'm gonna cry ones. It's literally the only thing that's making me smile to see that I'm making someone on the other side of the world laugh.

When I showed my mom my writing, she thought it was funny and cute. She comments on how much she loves to see me talk about it and typing away.

I can't talk to my dad about this stuff. He just doesn't get it. I do love him, but honestly, he doesn't feel like a dad to me.

That's a lot of the reason I'm depressed. He's never told me I was beautiful or pretty. He's constantly hinting that I need to lose weight. He even told me he was disappointed in me. I can't tell him what makes me happy. He wouldn't understand.

My brother. He's the best person I could've dreamed he would be. He's helped me so much. Even though he's going through a lot as well. I'm so proud of him because he graduated high school even after missing so much due to medical issues. He's now in college studying to be a history professor.

My mother. It's a rollercoaster with her. She's had so many medical issues. I know it's not her fault, but sometimes I want to scream. I'm the adult most times that has to take care of her and act like everything's OK. I love her so much and I wish all of this would stop for her sake.

I've grown up a lot faster than my friends. It hurts that I can't be as weird with them as I am with you guys. They don't see how you and music change my life. That's why I'm so glad I have you guys. You guys get it. You understand that feeling of "no one would care if I told them how much I love this".

I'm 16 (for two more months!) I'm currently not in school. I live with my mom. I have 5sos posters on my walls and lyrics on sticky notes. I sing when I'm alone. I think about how my life would be in different situations. My parents have been divorced for 10 years. I used to alternate between them all the time. I listen to my iPod so much it's not even funny. I drive my mom to the ER at least once a week. I get criticized by my dad every Tuesday. I laugh when inside I'm dying. Music. Music is what keeps me thinking I'll be alright.

I'm sorry for ranting or whatever. I guess I just needed to get it out somewhere. But I'm babbling now. And I'm not asking for sympathy or telling you 'my life is horrible' crap. I'm simply jotting down the life I'm living.

What I'm saying is, I'm really sorry if I'm not writing as much. I'm really trying to get motivated but it's really hard. I'm being honest with you guys. I'm not blowing you off or anything like that. I just find it physically hard to do anything. I really do love the requests you guys send. I don't understand all of them, xD, but I love them nonetheless. Thank you for being patient and for being supportive. I love you to the moon and back. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S instead of me writing the boys' notes, you guys should do it ;) Be creative and have fun. ❤❤❤

My heart goes out to anyone dealing with any mental health issues. From depression, anxiety and eating disorders, to self harm and suicidal thoughts. I love all of you and I want to tell you "Be strong and remember that you're not in it alone." So please come talk to me whenever. I love you