Barry and I's relationship: platonic. We've been best friends since elementary school, and we've been inseparable ever since. You wouldn't see us anywhere without eachother. Sitting next to eachother in every honors class, every lunch, sitting on that same bench every recess...We were the two musketeers. We'd be ridiculed by the older kids because they'd think we were together, but we were too young to know what it all meant.
And though we've been best friends since the beginning of time, there's been times where things between us felt a little different. Sometimes they were accompanied by silence or an awkward conversion, but we would get over them.
Occasionally, as I got older, I began to grow and change. I began to see things differently...I began to see Barry differently. There were times when I had strange feelings when he came around. And it wasn't until a while later that I realized he was cute. And High School was when it all changed. I began to look at Barry as if all the times we were together at a young age were readying us for what was to come.
When dances and proms came around, Barry and I would be seen together, but would never admit to eachother what we were. He would show romantic feelings towards me, but for the sake of our friendship, we talked it out. After a deep conversation, we both agreed that in order to keep our relationship the same as it's always been, we can't take that extra step.
Those feelings you get...They can be deceiving sometimes. When he goes out with Iris, jealousy strikes. I think about everything they could be doing. I think about the clues he has given, just to see if it could be anything more than just a simple coffee at Jitters. And though we agreed to not go further, I don't know why I feel that way. Some days those feelings are gone, whereas other days, they're there. When they strike, I tell myself I can't look at him like that and that it will never work between us.
Though I tell myself this, my brain doesn't always listen. There are times when we're working at CCPD or at S.T.A.R Labs, where I can't hold those feelings back. And sometimes, I can see that it is hard for him, too. But to bring myself back, I tell myself that the signals sent back and forth between us can be so easily mistaken for something else.
It's extremely confusing sometimes. I have cravings for love and attention, and than the next day, it's back to the usual. I look at Barry and picture if it could be any different. If we could take that leap that he's always wanted. And I start to believe it for a snap second before I'm brought back to reality.
There have been times where I've contemplated what would happen if we did take that step. And every time I do, I take a step back. Not because of anything he's done, but myself. I'm not capable of giving him what he wants, and that's what I'm afraid of.
~~~~~~~~~
"Chloe, I love you," Barry exclaimed, reaching for my hands. He held my hands in his own as a tear rolled down my cheek. With a shake of my head and a locked gaze with Barry, I pulled my hands away, crossing my arms across my chest.
"I-I can't love you, Barry," I said, sobbing. I turned my back to face him as I wiped my tear stained cheeks, tears continuing to fall. "I can't give you what you want." I buried my head in my hands, crying. I then felt Barry's steps across the floor as he stood behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "I think that this is what I want...A picture perfect relationship," I said, shaking off Barry's hands. "Hugs behind the waist, tiptoe kisses...It's all I dream of...think of. When feelings like this come up, I let them go. I'm afraid of getting hurt, so I try to prevent it in the easiest way I can. Besides, you can't love me because I'm broken."
"I love you for you, Chloe. I don't care if you're heart is in a million pieces. I can help you put it back together again." Barry looked deeply into my eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"It's not just that," I said, trying to prove my point further. "This isn't kindergarten, Barry. This is real life. This is the future of our relationship! This can make or break who we are to eachother, and I'm not going to be responsible for messing that up! One second, I want it, and another, it's like the thought never crossed my mind."
"Chloe--"
"We're both broken, Barry," I snapped. "I'm indecisive and don't know what I want. My heart says one thing, and my brain says another. You're an amazing and sweet guy, and I don't want to be responsible for the reason that your soft, warm heart turns cold. I don't want to give you more heartbreak," I said, taking a step back. "You've experienced enough darkness in your lifetime, and I don't want you to continue to follow it. You've been pining over me for however long, and I think it's just best if we just settle this now. I'm sorry, Barr," I said, turning around to head off to my room of Barry and I's shared apartment. "You want something from me that I can't give. I'm closed off. Under construction. One wrong move, and I'll go off the rails. And if I broke you...I'd be done." I continued to walk across the hardwood floor, the boards creaking under my feet.
"I know how you feel," whispered Barry. I stopped in my tracks and turned around. I looked up at him, attentively, tears stained to my cheeks. "Loving someone that you knew you could never be with. Feeling jealous every time they were with someone else, thinking about what it would be like, and how you can't provide for them."
"Bar," I said, trying to stop him. His eyes teared as he continued:
"My turn," he spoke, holding up his hand. "I know you feel: lost, scared, worried about the future. Worried about opening up and letting someone in. I know that your parents' situation broke you. It not only broke you, but it caused you to shut everybody out. You think that keeping yourself away from others will help you keep them safe, but it's not. It's only deepening the hole in your heart. I've known you for so long, and I will never let you go, no matter where we find ourselves. This was going to happen sometime down the road, and it's best that we hit it head on, instead of continuing along like we used to...I love you, Chloe," Barry said, taking a step foreword. With every word that left his mouth, he inched closer and closer to me until he towered over me. "I'm standing here with my heart on my sleeve. Please, let me in," Barry said, holding out his hand. I looked down at his outstretched hand, as well as Barry's eyes, which were wide and twinkling. I could tell he was vulnerable, as was I. And with that message, I felt my heart and mind open up a little wider. I looked back down at Barry's hand before slowly placing mine in his. He wrapped his fingers slowly around mine, and pulled me close to him. He hugged me tightly as he rocked us back and forth slowly. I then wrapped my arms around his torso and inhaled the familiar scent of his favorite cardigan. In his arms, I felt safe...I felt happy...I didn't feel as broken.
Little by little, piece by piece, I felt like my heart was coming back together. With Barry, I learned to love again, as well as letting love in.
-----------------------------------------
6/30/17:
SHORT FOR YOU! What did you think? This was more of a monolaugy type thing. (Let me know if you'd like to see more of those.) This idea came from the struggle that everyone has experienced sometime in their life before: balancing feelings and dealing with them.
Teaser coming soon, and some book four clues will be included!
I hope you enjoyed, and I'll talk to you soon! -Flashette1❤️⚡️
*Any baby/gender predictions for book four? Some clues will be given in the next teaser, so stay tuned for that!*
**If you have any more types of shorts you'd like to see (Charry, monologue, song lyrics, etc) let my know. I love hearing your feedback and what you have to say!**
***SCHEDULE UPDATE!
As you can see, the whole "schedule" thing wasn't working for me. I think it's best for me as a writer to get out my updates whenever I have them ready. I try and try to update on time, but fall through because using a schedule isn't the best option for me. But I will guarantee that there will be one short at least once a week. At the end of summer, it may be a little harder, but we'll see when we get there. Talk to you soon!***
•••RICK AND MORTY SEASON 3 PREMIERE TONIGHT! WHERE MY R&M FLASHETTE FAMMERS AT? •••
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