Chapter 54

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“Demona, it’s so great to see you!” my mother gushed, holding open her arms so I could step in for a hug.

I hesitated for a moment – what had brought on this change in her? She hadn’t touched me willingly since I’d started the Trans, so why should today be any different? I did need the contact, the feeling of being with someone who cared about me, so I stepped into her surprisingly warm embrace. With everything that was going on with Simon, it felt good to at least have my mom back in my life the way she used to be. Caring, sweet and loving; even if it was only for this one hug, I would gladly take it over the hurtful silence and hesitation I’d been putting up with for the past couple of months.

“I thought you were bringing a friend?” she asked while we were sitting down. There was, indeed, an empty chair she’d reserved for the friend I’d been supposed to bring: Simon.

I sighed. “I know, but he… changed his mind.” That was one way of saying I got dumped. “I’m really happy to see you though.”

As it turned out, my mother was truly happy to see me as well: she almost acted completely normal around me again. The only thing off was that she was a little bit too nice, apologizing when she accidently kicked my under the table, making all kinds of small talk about the weather, teachers, my room, and so on. But she was making a genuine effort and I appreciated that.

We got to talk about my dad for a little while, which was very strange. My mom was the one to start talking about him, actually, which was even weirder. She told me she’d decided I should know more about him, since he’d been a part of my life once and it wasn’t right that I knew nothing about him. The reason she’d been unwilling to talk about him for so long, was because of the pain it caused her – so she didn’t want me asking non-stop questions. I got three questions about him every week, no more than that. I could call her, text her, email her, or meet up with her somewhere. If I thought of more than three questions, I would have to save them until the next week. She just couldn’t handle talking about him too much.

That day, I asked about the good times she’d had with my father: their first date, when he met her parents, stuff like that. I didn’t want to get into the hard stuff just yet. Mom was great; she told me everything I could possibly want to know, and some things I wasn’t sure I wanted to be aware of too… Like how she’d felt when they’d first kissed – that’s the kind of thing a girl wonders about, but as soon as she knows, she realizes she shouldn’t have wanted to know that. Parents and feelings, parents and sex, parents and kissing… No, those things just don’t mingle.

When we’d made our way through an entire pile of delicious pancakes and the talk about my dad had subdued, my mother started to look nervous again. I was afraid she’d go back into her old state of being scared of me, but as it turned out, that wasn’t the case at all…

“What’s wrong, Mom?” I asked, reaching to take her hand.

To my relief, she let me touch her and she smiled tentatively. “Nothing, really. I just talked to Anne this week – she… she called me.”

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