Quick A/N: I know that I'm suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper late with posting my chapters. And that's honestly because I feel this platform wasn't doing it for me. You see, I have been posting, but on a completely different site. (AO3) I wasn't sure if WP was the bets home for this story because of certain Maturity restricts and I had to be careful with it. But I'll do my best to post more efficiently from now on.
Again I am truly sorry for the delay. Tis not what I wanted :(
I've become very critical with my writing since I don't have anyone to look over it or proof read it for me. If I've learn one thing; editing chapter by chapter takes a lot of time and work.
So I get reaaaaally nervous and self critical when I am ready to post chapters.
My thoughts actually travel from me thinking things like;
"Will readers like it?"
"Did I make it too long?"
"Will it upset them?"
"Will they enjoy this chapter as much a I had fun writing it?"
"Is the slow burn within the story too much?" (this one in particular is really interesting to me, because I actually got a comment about that here. But character development is very important to me. I actually can't fathom the thought of throwing two characters together just for the sake of rushing their love interest without much growth.)
SO many thoughts and questions pop up in my brain as I post and write these novels that I end up getting a headache and just...yeah XD
Haha, It's funny how I think of my readers emotions before I post, because honestly....I reeaally want to give you all the best and just a good, interesting and entertaining story that will make your feelings go up and down and well, juts give you an amazing feels in the end.
That's what a story should do that; right?
So, thank you for your patience and really, thank you for your continued reading of "Crave: The Escort"
And for all who are questioning; When the two main characters will have their shine? Don't worry; it's coming. And I shall make it quite rewarding for all this this waiting time ;)
I hope the future chapters to come will be worthwhile for you.
And I hope you have a fantastic week!! <3
Now Enjoy~
Taehyung's POV
IT'S BLACK
ALL I CAN SEE IS DARKNESS
GLASS SLOWLY SHATTERING IN MY MIND
"Taehyung...; what-what have you done?"
"J-Jin?"
"...You killed him. You killed him, Taehyung."
"No...., I-I didn't. I didn't kill him! It was an accident!"
"Lair, look at your hands." He tells me, and when I turn them over; my palms were drenched with someone else's blood.
Blood...; blood that was stained to my hands with no way of washing it off.
And a man; who was completely unconscious because of me.
"Murderer."
"Murderer."
"You are Murderer."
A voice echoes inside my head and I clench my fists at the sound of that word.
"I am not murderer! Jin told me he was alive! I didn't kill him! I – I didn't mean to hurt him! I never meant for anyone to get hurt..." I plead for my innocence; in the jail cell of my own mind.
"You were Careless, Wild, Negligent and Reckless."
"No! I wasn't! He wouldn't let me! I wanted to call for help. But He-!
Unable to finish my vindication; I was swallowed by a wave of guilt.
Sucked in by my own darkness; I felt lost within myself.
And just when I thought I would drown in this sea of anguish, I was met with a shimmer of light glistening through the waves.
"Taehyung?"
The sound of someone calling my name leads me ashore.
"Kim Taehyung." It whispers again and I am eager to find the source.
With my anxiousness soon satisfied to see who it was; I felt a sense of relief as I walk towards the woman that keeps interfering with these tormenting nightmares I've been having for quite sometime.
"Hey, are you okay?"
"No, ....I'm not." I weakly answer; losing strength.
"What's wrong? Why are you like this?" She asks reaching for my hand and I am quick to pull away.
"I...I can't tell you."
"Taehyung, ...please tell me what's wrong. Tell me so I can help you." Y/N persists and I am unable to do so.
"You can't help me. No one can. I'll always be stuck here."
"Stuck where? Tae..., who's pressuring you? Tell me so that I can fix it."
"You can't and you shouldn't be here, Y/N. You'll get hurt....and I don't want to hurt you. You will end up seeing a side of me I never wanted to reveal to you. Pleas...just leave me here. I don't deserve you and you shouldn't care about me. You can't fix what has already been done. So please, I'm begging you; just go." I plead, and with a gentle touch of her hand to my face; ...I crumbled to my knees before her.
"Then maybe...I can make it better." She kneels to my level and tenderly holds me in her arms.
Again, this feeling she brings me.
Slowly but surely peeling layers of myself.
Why does a woman like you exist?
And why must you constantly intrude my thoughts.
Why must I feel this way about you; when I know I'm unable to have you for myself?
AND YET....
I felt a sense of calmness and I also felt free. I was in a safe bubble; a dream within a dream.
Let me stay here where I can see you. You are the only person that keeps coming back without wanting something in return.
You listen to my problems and you try to learn more about me. But, here am; a selfish being without even asking; where your scar came from.
Taking a look at her arm; checking to see if this dream could be real. I ease up her sleeve and there it was.
I've wanted to ask you for so long Y/N; but will you tell me? Will you tell who did this to you?
"Who was it? Who hurt you?" I ask; waiting for this long awaited reply.
"You did." She answers; her voice dead in tone.
"...what?"
"You hurt me." She says again and I am force to look at her.
Blood, again there was blood.
Not on me alone, but on Y/N's hands as well.
She...she was bleeding. She was hurt.
The scares on her arm grew multiple at a time and as I look towards her face; there knelt a completely different person before.
"YOU! YOU HURT ME! YOU!" They screamed.
"H-Herin?!"
"Look at what you did! I did all of this because of you! Because I...love you! Why...? Why did you do that to me?! Why did you hurt me?!"
"Herin....I-I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I nev-
"LAIR! You Lair! That's all you ever do. So, just like me...; she will get hurt. And just like me, you abandoned her too."
"No! No, that's not true!"
"You..., you killed her. You're the one that did it." She says and I step back; trying to find a way to escape from this nightmare.
However, my heart suddenly weighed heavily in my chest.
For the next sight I saw as I turned behind me; was Y/N bleeding lying flat on her back.
But, as I move closer with weary steps; the same man from that night of the accident came into frame of my sight.
Again, he was still unconscious.
Bleeding from his head as I slowly knelt to my knees to feel his pulse; he swiftly grabs my hand; frightening me out of my sleep again.
-GASP!-
.........
With heavy breaths and cold sweat coving my face, back and chest; I come to see that I am back in my apartment; being tormented by these dreams once more.
These nightmares come every so often, and sleep was nothing more than a wishful dream.
However as of recently, they've become even more disturbing. Mainly because...; things don't tend to end well for Y/N and I in these dreams of mine.
Y/N..., I don't want to hurt you. I never do.
But...this path I chose to take; was it the right choice to make in order to protect you? I quietly thought to myself; rubbing what little sleep I had from my eyes.
Viewing the clock on my nightstand so I could mark just how long I've actually been asleep; I noticed that my hours of rest were still at a minimum, as my clock showed me a time of 3:27 am.
Ever since I left home; my dreams have gotten, well...rather intense. And since it was now early morning; there was no way I was able to fall back asleep again.
Truthfully, I was tired as hell, but... I was also very anxious and felt extremely tense.
Tired...because of the lack of sleep I've been having for these past few weeks.
Anxious... because today is officially another anniversary of the WaVe's grand opening.
And tense because; today....was that day.
The day that Jin has finally agreed for me to see...him.
Aiko Ikeda
The man I almost killed 2 years ago.
_________________________
"Taehyung..., you... you did this."
"You almost killed him."
"How could you do this Taehyung?"
"Tae."
"Taehyung....?"
"...Taehyung-ah?"
"Yah! Kim Taehyung!"
"Huh?!" I jerk up from my seat; answering to Jin's calling which snaps me out of my own inner thoughts.
"Wow..., so I have been talking to myself all this time. You...okay over there?" He questions and I lazily ease forward out of the passenger seat.
"Yeah..., I'm fine. Just a little tired, that's all." I answer; pulling my seat belt from around my torso. "So... is this the place?" I ask him, looking at the massive building that stood in my sight before me.
"That's right. This is the hospital he's admitted in. We actually made good timing to get here when you think about it though." Jin points out; powering down the engine of his car.
"Yeah..., I guess we did. But, ...why is he located here all the way in Gwangju?" I query and Jin pauses with his hand on the door.
"...Because, we had to transfer him. And also, Dr. Yang is one of the best specialists out there. It's just a shame that this is the hospital branch he's been assigned to. However, at least I know the patient is getting the help he so needs."
"Wait a minute. Dr. Yang? You don't mean...?"
"Yes. That Dr. Yang." Jin confirms.
"Shit, you mean to tell me that he- ...he knows about-"
"Not into much detail. But yes, he knows." Jin clarifies, cutting me off. "However there's no need for you to worry. Dr. Yang has known for a year and a half now. And, he hasn't said a word to anyone; therefore...were good."
"...Good? Heh..., hardly. We all who he's a client of. What if he decides to tell-
"He won't.tell.a soul. Trust me. He'd be stupid to so and I'm sure he's not willing to lose everything in the process he's worked so hard to gain. And believe me; Dr. Yang is much smarter than that." Jin assures me.
And yet...I was still skeptic.
This was honestly what I've wanted for the longest time; however I was still fearful to see Aiko Ikeda in person after two long strenuous years.
Also, it really didn't help with me constantly seeing him in my dreams.
But If I wanted to overcome my nightmares; I had to face my reality first.
__
Walking along the corridor halls of the infirmary; I could see a familiar face striding straight towards us.
"Dr. Yang, thank you for meeting with us on such short notice." Jin greets the physician; extending his hand in the process.
"Of course. I'm very glad you both could make it; especially you Taehyung."
"...How do you know my real name?" I question and Dr. Yang immediately looks at Jin.
"Easy tiger." Jin says; resting his hand on my shoulder. "I was the one who told him your name."
"And may I ask why?"
"I needed to inform him, rather than using your alias name. Besides, Dr. Yang... is a trusted friend. Whatever happens between us; stays that way. And not to mention, he's been taking wonderful care of our...small dilemma, if you will. More importantly; he's ensuring that nothing misfires in this whole situation itself. Because if it does; ...well I need not go further. Isn't that right, Sang-Hoon?" Jin suddenly addresses Dr. Yang by his first name; firmly holding unto my shoulder.
Even I could feel the tension growing as I viewed Dr. Yang's Adams apple bobbing as he swallows.
"A-ah, yes. Ahem, ...you see, Kim Seok-Jin was very detailed and strict on the requirements for the patients' health. He also told me that it was imperative for you to be able to see him today. That's why I took the initiative to be present at this time of visiting. That way I can explain all the information you need to know." Dr. Yang explains.
However; there was one main thing I needed to know.
"Can he walk? And if so; when will he be able to leave?" I inquired hoping to get the answer I've been so longing for.
But instead I was greeted by an unsettling look on Dr. Yang's face.
"Well, we can't say for sure; at least, not right now. He's still in a very fragile state when it comes to certain things. Such as loud noises, bright lights and even the sound of...well vehicle engines." He reveals and I stood there dumfounded at how bad his condition actually was. "Also when it comes to Aiko's walking skills; they have improved but...to a bare minimum." Yang answers. "For now I would say it will take a few more months to see if he will be able to fully walk again."
"...Then, what about his memories? Is there a chance for him to get them back?" I ask and again Dr. Yang looks at Jin and then back at me.
"We have hope but...right now it's a lesser chance than we predicted. His memory is...quite mangled; therefore where still running to see if there is a greater chance of him regaining it." Yang answers; and all I could hear was; "no hope"
His answers did not make me feel better. Aiko's condition...has barely changed since the past 2 years with little improvement.
Glimpsing my sudden sulk in demeanor; Jin steps forwards and makes his request.
"...Can we still see him then? After all; this is why we came all the way here." he states and Dr. Yang quickly extends his arm towards the hall.
"Yes, of course; this way." He leads and Jin and I follow.
I could already feel my heart rate begin to pick up speed as we walk through two large doors that were connected to a separate wing. And in few brief minutes; we enter a room that seemed nothing short but private and well facilitated. It had two separate rooms; the concept of a luxury suite.
One room to facilitate visitors that looked almost similar to a full on lounge and the room for the patient in which he laid.
"As you can see this is one of our best rooms on this wing. We have kept him here for the best rehabilitation possible." Dr. Kang mentions and I could see Akido fast asleep on the hospital bed.
"...It's past 10 am. Why is he still sleeping? Has he even eaten breakfast as yet?" I ask and Dr. Kang hesitates for a second.
"...Well, you see, last night we had a bit of a problem."
"What kind of problem?" I peered; turning towards him.
"He had an episode of frantic actions yesterday. He tends to lose his state of mind when he doesn't remember as to why he's here or where he's from. We had to drug in order to calm him down." Dr. Yang tells us and I automatically turn my attention back to Jin.
"Did you know about this?" I ask him but Jin decided to remain silent. "...Jin, did you or did you not know about this?" I prod one more time and he finally decides to speak.
"...I didn't know he was drugged." He answers; looking at Dr. Yang.
"I came all this way to see him. I need to see him wide awake."
"We did all we could for him this morning but unfortunately Taehyung, he's still heavily sedated. What if we reshedu-
"No! No more rescheduling anything! It took me a fucking year to get here! I need to see him. Really see him! So I need you to wake him up!" I demanded and Jin steps forward; resting a hand on my shoulder.
"I...don't think that's how it works Taehyung."
"Then why am I even here, Jin? I didn't plan on coming here to see him strapped down like this! Laying almost lifeless! I came here to make sure he was-
"Still alive?" Jin says; cutting me off. And I clench my teeth at the main truth of it all.
"...Seeing him like this...doesn't make things better. This...this high class room that he's in, it doesn't make things better." I say walking over to of the night lamps that sat on either side of his bed and picked it up. "I mean, what is this? Is he going to take up night reading?!" I fumed dropping it to the floor. "He shouldn't even be in here in the first place! We shouldn't even be here in the first place." I pointed between Jin and I. "This isn't right Jin!"
"Listen, you need to calm down; you hear me. This is a hospital."
"I don't really give a fuck right now! Tell him to wake him up or I'll stay here until he does."
"We don't have time for this Tae. We have things to do, and we need to start getting back back to Seoul soon. It's a three hour drive from here!"
"...Then leave without me." I averred and Jin's lip twitches at my assertion.
"Say...Dr. Yang, could you give Taehyung and I a moment alone." Jin authorized, without even glancing over at the physician.
"Suh-Sure, ...most certainly." Yang replies, and then quickly bows before exiting the room.
I could already sense the tension in the air between Jin and I as the door closes behind us. And I was definitely crossing sour ends, seeing Jin completely dazed looking straight through me right now.
With a solid inhale and exhale of his breath; Jin closes his eyes for a brief moment and then stares directly at me.
"......What's with you? Huh? We're finally here and you're still acting out! The patient is obviously fine. Why can't you see that?"
"He is not fine Jin; ...and this is not what we agreed on! Him being sedated and lying there motionless makes me feel even worse! You told me he was walking again; that he was getting better!"
"He is. He is getting better. He got quite the hit that night. Besides...it's not like he's dead." Jin says cold heartedly and I stood there peering at him in disbelief. "Listen, I know how you must be feeling."
"No, no you don't! You have no idea how I feel! If you did; we wouldn't be here in the first place!"
"What are you talking about? Of course I considered your feelings. You're the one who wanted to see him in person."
"Like hell! It took you a whole year to agree on letting me see him! You know exactly what I mean by you being considerate of my feelings! I meant from the get go we should have called for help. We should have gone to the police! But you-
"Ya! He may be sedated, but he can still hear us." Jin points out and I bitterly turn away from him.
"Drugging him, does not prove to me that he's better. Seeing him up and walking will." I expressed, looking back at him. "But, why? ...Why are they sedating him?" I ask and Jin stood there silently; avoiding my gaze.
Walking closer towards the door; he opens it gesturing for me to step outside and into the visitor's waiting lounge.
And with the close of the door; Jin turns and shuts the blinds to the glass window, so I could no longer see the patient that was lying in the other room.
"...They sedated him because..., he's been regaining his memories." I hear him reveal and I stood there motionless at the sound of this newly informed information.
"...Why didn't you-...why haven't you told me this?"
"That information doesn't really concern you."
"Like hell is does! Everything that happens that man concerns me! How long has he been remembering? And when were you planning on telling?"
"Oh, I don't know. I mean; should I have told you before or after I found out that you decided to go rogue and scare the crap of a client by smashing your fist into a glass mirror!" He expresses with irritation; hands balled into the form of a fist. "Ssst...look, obviously there was a chance that sooner or later he would regain his memories. However, I've come to realize that things won't be in our favor if he remembers about that night."
"...We can't keep him here forever Jin. This isn't right. You gave me your word; you told me-
"I told you that I would make sure he survives. That was my promise. And I kept it. I didn't promise you that I would let him rat us out."
"Jin..." I steadily shake my head. "This-this is wrong." I say; slowly backing away from him. "I can't be apart if this. We need come clean; ...we need to-
"We need to what? Huh? Go to the police? Fine then; ...you go. But just remember this; everything that I did, was all for you.
So yeah Tae; go ahead. I mean, what a grand idea it will be telling the cops that you were so intoxicated while driving two years ago, that you almost killed a guy!" He raves; pacing the room back and forth. "Heh, honestly...I bet your parents would be so proud to know that you've even kept such a secret from them for this long, right? But it doesn't matter; you came clean. However, for them to have a son in prison, well...that will definitely be the greatest highlight of their life." He sarcastically says; mocking my interest to tell the truth. "Ah, and how could I forget Jae; your little brother. How would he feel to know his big brother that he looks up to so much was in jail? His big and only brother he will have to visit every other month just to see him through a glass window." Jin dictated; guilt tripping me in such a way that I begin to doubt my own morals.
"Don't you see Tae, I did for us. I did this so that you could live a good life. So that we could live a good life." Jin gestures; pointing his hand between both he and I. "I protected you so that you wouldn't have to face jail time. I kept him alive like I promised. So the least you could do is stay low and let me handle all of this. ...You said you trusted me Tae; and I made a promise that I would take care of everything. Are you...are you doubting me?" He seriously asks; slowly stepping closer.
"...I never said I doubted you Jin. I meant it when I said I trusted you."
"Then why? Why are you so pent up on telling the cops?! I thought we were past this, Tae. We've talked about this so many times in the past. Why are you not past this?! Why is it so hard for you to ju-
"Because! Because I'm not like you Jin!" I snapped; clenching my jaw in anger. "I can't just shake off this feeling of self-condemnation I've been having for the longest time just because you asked me too! It's not fair. ...And I've tried. Believe me, I really have. I've tried living like nothing was wrong but...it's far too hard not to. What I did...was horrible. I don't even think I deserve forgiveness. So, how do you think I felt walking in here seeing Akido restrained like that? This isn't even a mental ward! So why...why is he in this state?!!" I exclaimed; begging him for what little justification he may have that what I'm seeing here would make sense.
And with a sharp breath as he looks at me; Jin moves closer with both hands resting on each side of my shoulders.
"Listen, ...I know this is a lot to take in. Especially since it's the anniversary of when this all transpired. But Tae, your my brother; my only brother. And as your big bro; it is my responsibility to protect you. So, I'm asking you...-No, I'm begging you...please, put all your trust in me. I don't want to see you behind bars. I don't want anyone to see you as a criminal. What happened two years ago Tae..., was only an accident. That night, he basically came out of nowhere. Not to mention the fact that there were barley any street lights on that road. ...We can't keep going back to that night. We need to move forward; together." Jin finishes; and all I could think about was how do I even begin to start doing so.
Aiko Ikeda
Age 29
The man who came out of nowhere
The man who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time
The man who I needed to forget and move forward with my life
...But how?
All these thoughts consumed my head as I stood there dazed; looking into Jin's eyes.
"...I can't seem to remember anything before the accident that night. Majority of it is all a blur now. And as much as I've tried to re live it and reflect on my actions; I just can't get past the feeling that all of this is a misapprehension. But, being here now; it's all too real." I conclude, shifting my body weight away from him. "I-I can't be here anymore. I feel like I might lose it. I wanna go back to Seoul."
"...Sure, no problem buddy. Why don't you wait in the car and I'll be right there." He says handing me his keys. "I just need to make sure Dr. Yang gets all the information needed so we can begin a proper care for Aiko. Will you be okay on your own for a few?" Jin asks and I steadily nod my head in reply.
And with nothing more to say to each other; I leave the room feeling jaded and dismal.
Walking back through the corridors of the halls as I pass and bow to Dr. Yang in the process; I pull out my cell hoping that I could hear from one person only. However in all my stupidity and stubbornness; I knew what I hoped were just wishful thoughts.
Although I knew I had to keep my distance; I was completely struggling with these new layers of boundaries that I had put into place.
Honestly...I wanted nothing more but to hear her dulcet voice again. And even if she were to shout and course me for ignoring her; I'd take it all without complain just so she could me if I was okay.
So...I called her.
"Were sorry but this person is unable to accept this call, ple-
And I called her
"Were sorry but this person is unable to accept this call, please leave a mess-
And again...I called.
"...Please leave a message after this tone."
And after the six attempts with no answer; I came to the realization that she had probably blocked.
How foolish was I? Thinking I could move on well without her.
I should have known; I shouldn't have taken it lightly; that she was the only one who could ease my worries away.
End Of Taehyung's POV
_____
Jin's POV
"Mr. Kim? I just passed Taehyung in the hallway. Is everything alright?" Yang questions as I continue to stare at the patient in bed.
"Why didn't you tell me you drugged him? You could have at least given me a heads up before we got here." I say sternly; now looking in his direction.
"I'm sorry Sir. But things got far more worse than what we intended for it to be last night."
"Worse how?" I turn to him; gearing for whatever information to come. "What could he have possibly done for you to bring him to this state?"
"Well..., he was demanding to see you, Jin."
"And? It's not like he hasn't before."
"...It's far more serious that you think. His recalling of events has become more noticeable. He demanded to see the man who put him here. The one who's responsible for hi-
"Enough. I don't want to hear another word of it." I cut him off as I walk over to the fixed window of the room. "However, what I do need to know is about that thing we spoke of two days ago; can it be done? Will you be able to do what I requested?"
"...It's possible, yes. But it's far more difficult than tha-
"Can you or can't you make damage to his memory possible?" I agitatedly ask; annoyed by his vagueness. "Just enough so that he will stop calling names."
"...Yes, I can. However; it will take time for the procedure to follow through. I'm not able to do such a surgery on my own. And even so; the hospital would need signed documents from a legal guardian or family member just to bring him into surgery. Also, we can't trust anyone with this type of surgery. My career is on the line just for even considering this."
"I get it Sang-Hoon; ...we need persons we can trust. And I know plenty of those. I have a few people I'd like you to meet later on at the party. I'm sure they will be of great help to you as well. Just make sure to be present. Tonight is very important me after all. I have much to look forward to. Having this problem on my hands for much longer will only form into a far greater liability than what I need for it to be right now. My future plans are clear. And Mr. Ikeda here; isn't really a part of it." I portrayed; giving him a calming smile. "So, now that I've said my part. Any questions before I go?"
"...Just one; what about his family? What will you do with them?"
"His mother already made her decision. It's quite funny how people say money can't buy happiness. And as for the rest of his family; after a year or so they knew it was finally time for him to sleep in peace. However...if things do come to a bitter end and all of this doesn't work; do you remember what I told you to say if prosecutors wanted to bring in justice if that day ever comes?"
"...Yes Sir, I do."
"Good." I say; looking out the window as I spot Taehyung walking towards the car. "Let's just hope that day never comes. Now, if we're finished here; I have more important matters to deal with. Who knows, maybe later tonight; I just might be so lucky to meet someone new." I fixed my watch; looking at the time.
And with just a few hours left for my big reveal; I thought of how great it shall be to finally meet her face to face tonight.
Let's just hope my dear Jungkook doesn't disappoint.
End Of Jin's POV