After the awards, there was an after-party but, since I wasn't feeling my best and I didn't want to be around too many people, I asked the girls if I could go back to the hotel before them to rest for a while. They said we could all go back if I wanted to, but I knew they really liked the ambience of those parties and also hanging out with their friends, so I wasn't going to do that to them.
"Girls, Jisung said he's going back to the hotel. He's feeling a little dizzy," Chan told us over the music.
"Dizzy?" I asked him and turned towards Jisung, who really didn't seem to be feeling okay.
"Alix was going to leave too," Mika said and turned towards me. "You can ask one of the managers and go together so the other one can stay here."
Nodding, I approached Jisung and touched his forehead to see if he had a fever but he was normal, so I was confused.
"Are you okay?" I asked him.
"Can we leave, please? I want to get out of here," he said.
Nodding, we both approached the managers, who were talking to each other.
"Oh, you are ready to go?" his manager said and we both nodded. "Yeongjae told me you were going to leave too so I am going to take you both there."
"Thank you," I said to him and bowed slightly.
"No problem," he said and turned towards Yeongjae. "I'll see you later."
"See you!" Yeongjae said. "Rest well, guys! You worked hard."
We both then headed to the van along with the manager and thankfully, since the after-party was at a secret place, no one was there, so we peacefully headed to the hotel, not even turning on the radio.
"You two both horrible," his manager said. "Are you feeling okay?"
"My head hurts from the music and everything," Jisung said and hissed slightly. "God, I hate it."
"You need to sleep. You are exhausted."
"Yes, yes..."
After a while, we finally arrived at the hotel and headed to our rooms while the manager went back to the party so he could pick up the rest later on. When we reached our floor, he grabbed my hand and I looked at him confused.
"Let me change and I'll go to your room. Wait for me," he said still not looking fine.
"No, you are going to change and go to sleep," I told him.
"But-"
"No buts!"
I then turned him around and pushed him towards his room until we were at the door so he had no choice but to get in.
"Good night," I said kissing his cheek and headed to my room.
Although my outfit was alright in terms of not being too uncomfortable, I wanted to change into my pyjamas really badly, so it took me less than a minute to do that. I then picked up my skincare products and headed to the bathroom but the doorbell of the room rang and I rolled my eyes but still went there.
"Seriously?" I asked Jisung, who stood before me already in his pyjamas.
"Did you really think I was going to go just like that?" he said with a smile and kissed my cheek. "Better."
"Just come in..."
I then moved to the side so he could go in and closed the door behind him. The first thing he did was lay down on my bed and pick up the notebook with my music ideas and lyrics that I had left there.
"You've been working on new ones, I see," he said. "I like them. "Well, the ones I can understand, I mean."
"Recently I can't write even a full verse without getting stuck," I confessed. "I can still do the instrumental as always, but it's like I have suddenly run out of lyrics."
"How do you expect to be able to write anything when you can't even organise your thoughts," he said sitting up and grabbing my hand.
"You could have been more subtle. I have feelings, you know?" I said rolling my eyes.
He then pulled me so I laid down beside him and leaned down so our lips nearly touched but didn't.
"I've realised I'm basically always the one initiating the kisses or the 'I love you's, you know? I wasn't going to point it out but maybe now it's the moment," he said.
"You have always been more straightforward than me. Remember the first day we met."
"Are you really not going to say it?"
"Why is it so important?"
He then seemed to be pissed off and tried to sit down properly but I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him before he could.
"I love you," I said with a smile.
"I hate that you are so cute. I can't stay mad at you for long."
"You love it, don't lie," I said and pecked his lips, smiling brightly.
Just then, my phone rang and Jisung moved away so I could stand up to grab it, but it was closest to him so he picked it up to hand it to me and looked at the caller ID.
"Your mum?" he asked confused. "Oh, shit! It's a videocall."
"Just stay there and don't say anything," I told him and quickly smoothed out my hair before picking it up. "Hello, mum!"
(A/N: Cursive means English, bold means Mandarin)
My mother was on her working desk surrounded by the piles of paperwork that I was used to seeing a lot where I was younger, but my dad was nowhere to be seen.
"How are you?" she asked me. "I was waiting for you to call since it is time for our monthly call but you didn't."
"Sorry, we had an award show today," I told her.
"Oh, right, Mrs Wang told me. I forgot," she said. "How was it? Did you have fun?"
"Yes, it was fun. We got to show our latest songs, so it was nice. We also won some awards, I got one for best-"
Before I could finish, her office phone rang, so I knew it must have been something about work and shut up.
"Just a second," she said and picked it up. "Hello? Oh, yes. I was working on that right now. Did you talk to Mr Acker?"
She then handed her phone to someone and motioned with her hand that she would call me later, which made me sigh. Jisung noticed that and grabbed my hand, so I sent him a small smile.
"I'll tell her to call you later, alright?" Mrs Wang, the maid, said.
Mrs Wang was a Chinese woman that had been working for my parents since back when they lived in Beijing. She had a daughter only three years older than me and, since my parents were very fond of her, they helped her pay her studies and was attending Cambridge University to study law. I used to play a lot with her daughter since we were about the same age and my parents were always busy or away on trips, so Mrs Wang was almost like my second mother.
"Thank you, Mrs Wang, but don't worry, I know she is busy," I told her. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, just as always," she answered. "I managed to see your group's performance. You did well, I really liked it."
"Thank you. Did my father watch it?" I asked her hoping at least my father had since my mother had already said she didn't.
"They have been in their office the whole day. I'll tell them to watch it later."
"Don't worry, it's okay. I will hang up now."
"Take care!"
After that, I ended the call and threw my phone to the other side of the bed and Jisung grabbed both of my hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked me worriedly.
"Yes, don't worry. It's always like this. I am used to it," I said and stood up. "My parents are busy people and I know they don't really keep up with what I do in terms of music or awards. They haven't even watched the interview I did with Korean Englishman about my anxiety and depression. Well, if they did watch it, they didn't say anything."
I then picked up my long jacket so I didn't have to change back into my normal clothes and headed to the door, but Jisung quickly stood up and grabbed my arm to stop me.
"Where are you going?"
"I just need some fresh air," I said not daring to look at him since I was starting to tear up. "I won't leave the hotel, don't worry. Go to sleep."
"Alix..."
"For real, it's okay. I just want to be alone for a while," I said squeezing his hand.
Although I had told him I wouldn't leave the hotel, I went just to the gardens right in front of it, where there were some tables and a fountain in the middle. It was nearly two in the morning there, so there was no one there and I could be all alone, so I sat on one of the tables and just looked around for a while to see if people would be passing by.
As soon as I was sure no one was going to see me, I finally let my tears flow and started crying my heart out. I had cried many times before, but never had it been about my parents.
Although I didn't have a necessarily bad relationship with my parents, I knew I had disappointed them when I started doing music. They at first just let me do it because that way I would study abroad in the schools they wanted me to and therefore I could make acquaintances with some of Korea's elite groups, but that was just because they thought I wasn't going to make it and would just go back to the United Kingdom and continue studying.
As soon as they realised I was serious about wanting to do music, they almost started losing interest in me. I was their only daughter and the one who would inherit their money and the shares they had. They had once even threatened me with not inheriting them if I didn't go back to study, but I seriously couldn't care less about their money.
My parents still seemed to care about me at least in the slightest and called me once every blue moon to see how I was doing, but those conversations wouldn't last for long as they always had something else to do. Also, we always talked about them and how they were doing since they didn't care a single bit about the music industry or just any music I did, so I just lost interest in talking about that too.
As I cried, someone suddenly moved a chair beside me and I looked up scared but it was Jisung.
"Did you really think I was going to leave you alone?" he asked me as he moved his chair but still didn't sit down. "Don't worry, I won't talk if you don't want me to. I will just sit here with you."
That small action meant a lot to me, but at that moment I couldn't even say anything and just stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist as I cried onto his shoulder. He also wrapped his arms around me and rubbed circles on my back with one hand and ran his fingers through my hair with the other in hopes of helping me calm down, but we both knew that wasn't going to happen.
"I'm here, okay?" he said. "I love you, Alix."