Now I can make out everything. Those dreams were the signs I don’t know from where I was getting. Jungkook in danger, the truth behind the alley night and the reality about everything, it was right in front of me. How can they even hide the fact from me? The more I think, the more pain I feel in my head. I think my head is going to explode painfully.
I should’ve known this from beginning. The angel was never yet to be born, it is inside me. The blood burning Jungkook’s skin was one of the proofs. If I was born with it, then it has to be only me. The feather is only needed to provide me wings, nothing more than that. I suddenly feel stupid. How I could’ve believed them all blindly and risked my life? My life is far more in chaos than I ought it to be. They needed time to just wipe out the existence of the twin coven so that they could do everything peacefully.
I cannot believe that these all things were planned from long ago. I had this feeling that it was all planned, but I refused to believe them all. Namjoon knew I am the angel and asked Jungkook to follow me. We stumbled in the club first, Joon had his suspicion on me since the party night and out of nowhere I had this feeling that I should apply for Crystal Company for my job. So it all started at the day I met all of them at Jimin’s party. However I am glad for one thing, he never said that Jungkook falling in love with me was planned, and even if the god himself will come down to say me that it was planned from before that our love was planned, I will refuse to believe it.
Even though everything was planned, Namjoon asked him to follow me, not to fall in deep love with me. He loves me I know and I am not convincing myself, I can say it with utter confidence, it’s in his eyes, I could never doubt that. But I cannot side the feeling of betrayal in my heart.
Great Namjoon thinks that I am still incapable. I need Jungkook right now very bad. He must be somewhere around the country, I don’t know where but I keep on telling myself that he is fine, he is not alone. Out of the entire conclusion I considered, I can say that they all lied to me, kept things from me which were very important and broke my trust.
I huff out as I go through some random book. I didn’t even consider checking out the name of the book and I am here reading it like my life depends on it. I am not reading it; I am just… reading it. Why did I come to a library at the first place? I ditched gym today, just felt tired with everything and instead stumbled inside this library.
I never questioned it, but I always feel at peace whenever I am inside a library. Not the one with everything white, but the kind of library which looks old. The inside is filled with the smell of books and old paddock woods everywhere. This was the same library where I first read the book about demons. I never got the chance to notice the name of the writer, and I am glad I didn’t notice.
It’s been so long I haven’t seen Jungkook; the hole keeps getting bigger every day. It has been exactly a month since his depart, and I feel nothing but a lost soul. How fast the days pass by… I never count the days I fear if I keep on counting the number will keep getting bigger. Since the day I had this talk with Namjoon, I avoided everything related to it, almost everything. I mean I don’t want to pressure on my poor heart since it is going through sever heartache. I hope no one in this world should suffer from a long distance relationship; it is like sailing the ship without engine.
I swear every little thing reminds me of him. Even though I try to ignore everything that reminds me of him, but I cannot help our memories embedded in every single thing. It breaks my heart even more. The world seems so big right now and I feel small. If this thing isn’t stopping sooner, I will end up dying with depression and anxiety. Even the library looks way too bigger than before to me now. How am I supposed to survive like this?
Just by the line, I receive a phone call startling me off my thoughts. I take the phone out and notice its Rachael. Oh I forgot that have life beyond Angels and Demons thing. Feeling happy, I pick up the call.
“Tell me you forgot me?” Honestly I did in all this chaos.
“No, I was busy to hit on you.” I hear her scoff through the other line.
“Yeah, yeah. After going off from London you should’ve called at least once. You could’ve called thinking yourself as a godmother.” Why does she need to make me look bad all the time?
“Sorry, I was truly caught up in shits. Anyway, how is champion Jerry?” I ask changing the topic.
“Guess what?” She asks excitedly and I play pretend her question. “He is kicking!” She exclaims excitedly making me squeal in happiness too.
“Oh my god, I am missing these all things.” I fake a cry and hear her giggle on the other line. “It must be exciting to you right?”
“It is.” I can sense the smile in her voice. “It makes me feel even happier, Jack is also looking happy.” Her words take me to the time when Jungkook was hesitating about asking me for a kid. I miss the duality in that man. “How are you?”
“Fine.” People used to quote that the term fine isn’t just a simple word; it has lots of meaning behind it. I used to think that those who create metaphors regarding the word ‘fine’ are stupid and too emotional. But now, when I am telling my best friend that I am fine, I could weigh the meaning behind it. I am not fine, I am doing terrible.
“You don’t sound fine.” And that’s the reason why she is my best friend. “You know you can tell me everything.” I wish I could.
“Yeah I know, it’s just, I am having hard time you know.”
“With Jungkook?” she asks carefully earning a sigh from me.
“Yeah maybe.” It is the truth only. I am actually having a hard time with Jungkook. Can you imagine when I say it in words that it has been a whole fucking month I haven’t seen my boyfriend and neither heard from him. I am broken, especially when I need him to comfort me and tell me good things.
“Hey,” her tone turns softer, “don’t worry. I don’t know what’s wrong and I am not gonna ask you, but everything will be fine. Jungkook is a nice man and he knows what your need is and what bothers you. Just wait for the right time.” I know everything what she said already.
“Yeah I guess…” she is right, I need to wait for the right time. Since I have waited for this long, I hope I could wait for few more days, right?
What bothers me more is that I am feeling betrayed and trust broken that even if Jungkook will come in front of me, I will punch him directly on face. I cannot believe that it takes only one truth to break your lifetime trust with someone. I used to say that I trust them with all my might, but I cannot trust them anymore. And the thing that eats my head is that even if I wish to not to trust them anymore, I am in too deep to not to have faith in them. It is all crazy.
Without telling this to anyone, I take my car and drive off from the library to home, and when I say home, it means our home. I know very well Jungkook will not be there, but I just want to be there. I finally reach my destination and I feel surprised to see the passcode isn’t changed. From what they all told me, I thought they will be doing anything to keep me away from Jungkook. After all they are not that heartless, I see.
As soon as I close the door back, I smell the freshness of being home, the scent that always comforts me. As I stand by the door and eye the magnificent drawing room, I cannot help but recall the first time I was here. A small smile curves up my lips at the thought of it. I was so intimidated by Jungkook, well I still am, but it is different now. I found out the secret that day and now I am living my life as a part of their secret, a secret which should be mine too, but I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to feel that way but I think that I am being controlled. My life decisions now depend on what those seven men tend to do, and what the world has to offer me. Indeed the world has a lot to offer me, but my choices are limited.
Shaking off those thoughts away, I walk inside turning the lights on. The world seems darker than it already is or if I am actually being paranoid.
I remember whenever Jungkook would want to run away for a shorter while from all the mess, he would lock himself inside the study and would paint. Is there anything that the man couldn’t do? There were time like when we both would do it together and that would be fun. Of course his paintings and sketches are not that great to be held open in an art auction, but it is good enough for a man with different wishes and interests. Of course he is better than me. He is a better cook, he is a better boss and he is a better guy than any man I might have dated in my past. In short he is a perfect and ideal guy with a messed up past and little to big dark secrets.
That’s it I guess, that’s my life. I gotta live in his life being a part of his dark secret and be the prissy princess to get all the privilege of the world. I deserve it don’t I? After all the drama and things I have been through, I deserve to be the one with all the privilege of the world.
It is a sad and heart breaking truth. Maybe I would sound like a lady pushing up the male domination system, but the truth is, at the end the one who needs to compromise is gotta be a woman in the relationship. This is the basic knowledge that every mother tries to communicate to her daughter. This is not said out loud to men, because if they will know this then the world would really become a male domination firm. But a mother knows when she educates her daughter with this information, she makes sure that the men shouldn’t get to this part, it should be a secret to keep the relationship and marriage a happy one.
And the reason why I am talking about it right now is that I need to compromise my choices and my inner voice to stay up for Jungkook. This not only about the whole angel and demon thing, it is about my life now. And all I know is that my life is all over Jungkook. He matters to me, not my trust issues and my betrayal speeches.
Sighing to myself, I lock myself inside the study. I wonder how he manages to get away from everything. I walk past the giant mahogany table to where his artworks are hung on the ropes, just like back in the mansion; the only difference is that the mansion has a big room full of paintings and here only small part of room.
My hands automatically reach out to my backpack and I take out the golden feather from the front pocket. The feather is beautiful, just like him. I worry about him a lot even if I tell myself I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop. That’s why they say you shouldn’t fall too hard for someone to hurt you just for a couple of distance. I am a mess.
I am sitting on the floor looking up at the painting of me with gold wings. Even though the face is not clear, but it’s clear enough to detect the red hues on my cheeks. My hair is done messily, the golden dress is beautiful, and wings are magnificent. If it wasn’t the dress, it would’ve mistaken it for someone else’s painting. I wonder what he was thinking while painting this.
This is not it, there are many paintings of women which I saw the first time I came here and they’re still hung on the wall. The only difference is, no one is having front view, backs and sides that are all, but they all have golden wings at their back. It is as if, he was waiting for someone to step into his life, he was always ready but not prepared. And I guess I startled him by coming into his life. A silent laughter fills the room and I shut my mouth close to realise that the house is too empty for me to laugh out loud.
My thoughts stop only when the phone in my backpack goes off. I groan at the annoying ringtone and furiously grab the backpack to get my phone out. My annoyance increases when I see Namjoon’s number displaying. If he is calling me to tell me to evacuate this place, then I am gonna rip his head off.
“Hello?” I try to sound polite but fail miserable as it is clear in my voice that I am not pleased to having him call me.
“Y/n…” he trails off in a serious tone and I immediately understand it is more than just evacuating this damn building. Oh, how much I hate to get into something serious especially when it is Namjoon. I feel like he is my history teacher and he is gonna give me hard time for having scored less. “Can you trust me one more time?” his question startles me. I voice out a small ‘oh’ out of surprise and hear him sigh from the other line. This man really is having hard time I guess. “Please.”
First things first!!!
How many of you though that this is a vampire shit at the beginning!!!
You better spit the truth coz I have received so many comments at the chapter #blood freaking out that this is a real vampire shit!!!! 😂😂😂😂 not to offence I wanted to make something different!!!
And you people really want me to cry the tears of blood!!!! 70k+!!!! This is getting too crazy... This book is gaining 10k reads after update of every two chaps!!! 😭😭😭😭 I am sooooooo happy!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
Just remember I love you all!!!! 😭😭😭😭 I purple you!!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜