(Trigger warning: Referencing topic on Self-injury)
"Ugh! What an egotistical beast!!" I yelled storming into my apartment.
I mean, what's with him? He's a jerk at first then the next day he's nice? Then by the end of the day he becomes an overbearing jerk once more! Does he have a twin or something? Or is he just crazy?!
My own thoughts clouded my mind as I'm reminded of the events of the day.
"Forget it. I don't have time for this. I need to sort out my own issues. For one I need to repair my laptop so I can receive back my files; all thanks to his girlfriend. Not only that, I also need to check for sure if Sana's okay. She seemed really bothered by what happened. Pretty much everything that's happen thus far is all linked back to Kim Taehyung!" I groaned in misery.
"No! Stay positive Y/N, at least the day wasn't all that bad. I DID get to see Jimin again which is amazing and also...
I silently look over at my backpack remembering my encounter with Namjoon this morning and I soon calmed down knowing that I now had his number.
"...Well, the day wasn't all THAT bad." I say kicking of my shoes. "But, why do I still feel so uneasy?"
Walking towards the kitchen, I realize that there was a note stuck to the fridge. It was something our family normally does just to let each other know any important information that needed to be relayed.
Peeling off the sticky note; I smile at my father's handwriting. It was always crooked and sloped down-hill. It was something my brother and I would always tease him about.
"Hey Kiddo, I'll be running late tonight. I grabbed you something from the restaurant a few blocks over. I had a meal there on my very first visit to this neighborhood a few months back and thought how much you'd enjoy it. Also, I saw your inhaler in the box of disposables. I know it's been awhile, but I still don't think we should throw it away. I know the pills are working fine but let's just watch and see first. I'll get you a new one if that's what you want. See you later kiddo. Love dad.
Oh, by the way; your mother called. She says 'Hi' and when you're ready to speak with her you should give her a call."
I open the fridge to see the meal he left and saw another note signed with a smiley face on it. But looking to my left I could see the inhaler on the counter almost as if it was taunting me. I took it up and held it in my hands being reminded of the days I felt trapped in misery. My eyes blurred; ready to be filled up with tears as I opened a draw and threw it in.
It was a part of my past I knew I couldn't run from but it's also has been months since my last panic attack. Every time I see it, I'm reminded of what I am and things I'm unable to do. The part of me I hated the most.
"You careless little brat! I knew it...I should have never trusted you. That was my mistake."
"Your mom called. She says Hi."
At this point in my life; I'm beginning to believe that I have no mother.
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It's been a couple hours since my confrontation with Taehyung and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my evening drama free.
Without a doubt; a warm shower, some dinner, a face mask and some sweet potato chips did the trick of calming a girl down. But something still bugged me about what happened.
There was no way Yeontan got out with the door being locked and what the hell did Jae meant by "It's happening again."?
"Did something terrible happen with them?" I uttered, as I couldn't shake the feeling of something being wrong.
I became more concern for their well-being and wanted to know if I shoud have done something more.
"Gah! Stop thinking about it!" I scolded myself. "It's not my problem."
I mean...why should I care? It's not like there was and actual stalker. Right?
In that moment of silence; I hear my doorbell ring and I froze with a single chip to my mouth.
The timing of thinking of a possible stalker freaked me out as I shouted "Who is it?!"
"It's me. Kim Taehyung." The voice answered and I sobbed internally.
It would have been better if it really WAS a stalker.
"What do you want?" I answered making my way towards the door."
"Can we talk? It's important."
"What for?" I respond. "I clearly stated not to talk to me again."
I could hear Taehyung heave an exasperated sigh at the other side of the door before speaking once more.
"Look, I'm sorry. I was wrong to shout at you. I crossed the line." He says as I continue to listen.
"Pfft, crossed multiple lines if you ask me." I muttered.
"What?" he response to my snarky remark.
"N-nothing!"
"...Listen, I really don't want to talk to you through a closed door so if you could...; meet me on the roof top deck in five minutes. I have something important to tell you. And...bring your camera!"
My eyes widen in bewilderment at his suggestion as I struggle to open the lock on the door, only to hear his footsteps receding.
"Yah, Kim Taehyung!" I say finally opening the door.
"I'll meet you with your camera in five minutes." He yells down the hall without even looking back.
I blew loose strands of hair from my face and continued to stare at him as he enters his apartment. He must be crazy to think I would just do as he says.
Rolling my eyes in irritation, I turn to enter my apartment and see my camera still there on the coffee table. It irked how much I was fully considering meeting his demands but I figured; since he's considerate enough to try and explain... I might as well hear him out.
"Tch," I clicked my tongue. "This better be good."
With a grab of my camera; I quickly checked to make sure it was fully charged and updated for whatever reason Taehyung needed it for.
Of course I felt silly agreeing to meet with him! But I was willing to listen this once and figure out what his deal was.
Opening my apartment door I turn and looked into the decor mirror which was hung on the wall. With a deep breath I prepared myself and headed out to meet to Kim Taehyung.
_____________________________
It felt like my mind was in a full on debate with my right hand as I stood there holding the handle of the door that stood between me and the rooftop deck. Even though I told myself I wanted nothing more to do with Taehyung; strangely enough there was a part of me that was more curious about him that I could have ever imagined.
Readers...what would you do?
"Screw it." I declared as I opened the door not willing to think about it a second more. But of course; my whole being wasn't fully prepared at the sight I saw before me.
There he stood below; gazing out at the night scenery as the evening breeze gently blew his hair in waves. It was like déjà vu; happening all over again. I pretty much thought I was going crazy for a moment seeing a ball of fur running towards him.
"Come here Yeontan!" He calls and I was ready to pinch myself in order to snap out of this dream.
"K-Kim Taehyung!" I shouted and he turns in my direction.
"Ah, you're here. Come down will you? I can't talk to you from up there now can I? Unless you want me to yell; is that what you're into?"
With angry sneer, I walk downstairs to the lower level of the deck knowing I was just ordered to do something else to his pleasing. Dragging my feet in stubbornness; I then stood before him showing him that I even brought my camera along with me.
"Alright; what is so important that you had me come all the way up here?"
He smiles putting Yeontan down then dips his hands in each side of his pockets.
"I owe you an apology. I'm sorry." He says surly.
"...That's it? I mean...I feel like I'm getting full on Gemini vibes from you. How many Kim Taehyung's are there?" I say looking around me being sarcastic. "You apologize for a second and then you..." I paused trying to find the right words. "...behave contemptible. Listen; I don't want to live in a place where I can't even talk to my neighbor properly so...if this is just another way of you saying sorry now then tomorrow you behave ill-mannered again then...don't bother." I state my case and he looks down to his feet. For a moment, Taehyung was really reflecting on his actions.
Apart of me wanted to leave but there was something, just something that had me stay there that night.
It took a minute, but Tae finally speaks; confessing a dark part of his past.
"I was stupid. And I was wrong by the way I handled things today.......and yesterday." He added. "I haven't really made the right decisions in life and with that I reacted out of character. If you have time...could you hear me out?" He asks and I stood there with lips folded.
At first, I was a bit nervous of what he could possibly be say.
Looking into the city lights as I bit down on my bottom lip; I nod in agreement and Taehyung leans over the balcony railing looking further into night as I listen to his story.
"A year ago...on this very day, something frightening happened to me and my family. It wasn't too far from here but it was a reason why we had to switch apartments. I worked as a..." he paused and I continued to look at him. "I had a job that allowed me to cater for people."
"Like... a concierge?" I ask.
"Very similar." He says in reply. "At the time, I was actually doing a favor for a friend. Unfortunately I was careless on my approach at work. I got involved with some... dangerous people. In outcome I... put my family at risk."
"...At risk how? I know you're trying to explain, but you're being rather vague." I stated as he sighs deeply.
"I can't explain every single detail but...while I was working with my friend, I met someone. Someone who I thought meant me well; someone that my friend trusted and in return I trusted them. However, my actions caused consequences I would soon come to regret."
Turning towards me, Taehyung gave me a weary smile.
"One of my greatest mistakes was that I allowed that person to become close with my brother. And a year ago on this very day...they took him as a bribe."
"....W-what?!" I stutter; and I was unable to form anymore words into a sentence. "...wh-...yo-
"A reaction I was expecting. But it wasn't forced. Because my brother knew the person, so he willingly went with them unaware of his danger. However whe-
"...Wait a second." I say cutting him off and finally being able to speak. "Let me clarify something. Today your brother mentioned something of a stalker. And now knowing of what happened a year ago; is that person linked in any way to who Jae was talking about?" I ask hoping he would deny.
"...They are linked." He says and my whole body runs cold. "She was my stalker."
"She?"
"Choi Herin; she was a colleague of my fried that I worked for. Things escalated too far and she... took my brother as an opportunity to mess with me."
My breath escaped my mouth with a hitch and I could hardly believe what I was being told.
I then hugged myself and turned away from Tae as chills ran though my body. How could someone be so crazy to do something like that? Just to mess with him? Was there even a point behind doing such a thing?
Was I even paranoid for feeling how I felt earlier? Could that person have really tried to do something like that again today?
Questions flooded my thoughts but I was unable to ask them verbally. What does a person even say in a situation like this?
But, I wanted to know...I wanted to know because of the events that happened today. So I asked him.
"What happened to her? Where is she now?"
My lips pressed together feeling slightly anxious as he brings up the courage to give me a response.
"Truthfully...I'm not sure."
Oh My God
My mind unsettled.
"From what I was told, she left the country. But I have no proof of that. I knew she wasn't mentally stable. She would often threaten to physically harm herself if I couldn't comply. I tried my best to help her. I really tried so she would be happy. But what she wanted...I was unable to give her. I just hope she's getting the help she needs. I want to believe that she's doing well. I want to believe that she hasn't..." He says with remorse and I could see the pain reflected in his eyes.
It was obvious he was torn between guilt and resentment. I could now see a vulnerable part of Taehyung as city lights glisten behind him in a distance. I wasn't sure what came over me but at that very moment I felt solicitude towards him.
Reaching out and patting Taehyung on his back then gently rubbed it; I was hoping to send some form of comfort and support his way. I could see that him telling me this was definitely no easy task.
Looking out in the distance hearing the siren of an ambulance; I hear him speak again. "...I've...I've been involved in things in my past that are...
Tae pauses with a deep sigh then turns to face me and I could see anguish reflected in his eyes.
"Y/N...My past isn'-
"S-stop! Stop." I say; cutting him off abruptly and Taehyung's body shifts; moving to fully face me. "I appreciate you telling me what happened. But I know this wasn't easy for you to do. Taehyung...I'm so sorry for what happened. I can't imagine how scared you were when your brother went missing. I can't even begin to imagine how Jae felt. But I'm truly glad you and your family are okay. And I want you to know for whatever reason it happened; it wasn't your fault." I affirmed as he continues to look at me.
"I want you to know something and I hope you take it as me being open to you. I don't care about your past. Because I don't want you to be ashamed of being who you truly are with me due to something that happened before we met. Your past doesn't define you. What defines you is who you are now and what you aspire to be. The love for your brother only proves enough that you're a good person. Don't be hard on yourself and please...don't let all of this affect anything you want to do." I finish and suddenly realize I sound like a self-help book. "Uh...I'm sorry if that was a bit mawkish but...I truly meant what I said."
Taehyung smiles at me then looks down at my hands which held my camera.
"When I saw Jaehyun outside with you earlier today; I immediately started to panic. I was clouded by my own judgment and took my aggression out on you. I was completely wrong for that. Jae actually told me what really happened. About how you kept him safe and protected him. He told me he was the one that wanted to go out even though you already told him no. He's that type to somehow get what he wants. However; he wouldn't stop talking of how cool you were and how stupid I was to hurt you like that. And...I guess he also said that I deserved to be kicked in places I wish not to mention."
I smile at Taehyungs words as he continues.
"Y/N, I'm sorry for being such a jerk, and I'm sorry for making you feel especially bad on your first couple days here and at school. Everything that happen up until yesterday to now, all those bad things... I sincerely apologize for every single one of them. So, I was hoping... can we forget it all? And if you'll have me..." Taehyung presses his lips together then smiles. "Can we officially start over and become friends?"
"Friends?" I ask completely surprised by his request.
"Yeah, friends. ...Why? You...don't want to?"
"No, no..."
"No?"
"No! I mean yes! Yes I mean. Ugh I what am I saying?" I face palm myself and Tae begins to laugh at my blunder.
"It's okay. You can say it." He cheers.
Composing myself; I reply fully understandable this time.
"Yes. That sounds good, let's be friends." I say with a bob of my head.
"Then..." he says with smile on his face. "Since you brought your camera, how about we start over?"
"Start over?" I ask cocking my head to the side.
"Yup!" he says as he picks up Yeontan and takes a few steps away from me. "When we met you were taking pictures of Yeontan right?"
"Y-You don't have to do that. I already accepted your apology. It's okay."
"But I want to, and I want to be able to do this for you." He says with the most sincere look on his face "Could we try? Just this once?"
Tonight; I saw Taehyung in a complete different light. I wanted to believe that this was who he truly is. Not the person I thought so badly off.
"Sure, let's do it!" I say in response.
With a wide grin on his face Taehyung eagerly gets into positon cuddling Yeontan.
Holding my camera in frame I focus taking picture after picture as they move into different poses. It had become a full on photo shoot. And as bad as it was to admit it; Taehyung's looks and Yeontan's cuteness could have made a lot of money by just doing this.
I was ready to take another photo feeling way too into this, but Taehyung suddenly puts Yeontan down and looks directly at me.
"So...you must be new here. Did you just move in?" He asks and my eyes widen
"M-Me?" I say holding down my camera and he nods walking towards me.
I pause for a second in total surprise but then couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"...Ah...W-why are you laughing? Don't laugh." He says looking slightly embarrassed.
"I'm-I'm sorry." I reply as I try to suppress my laughter.
Taehyung truly wanted to do over our first encounter! No wonder he told me to bring my camera.
As weird as anyone would think it was, I found it very kind hearted and endearing, so I decided to roll with it.
"Ahem. That's right. I'm new around town. I just move here with my dad."
Excitingly Taehyung gets back into character.
"Ah! So you did. Welcome! It's nice to meet you. I live on the 7th floor in 704."
"No way! I moved on the fifth floor too. I live in 708."
"Whoa! Then were neighbors! I'm Kim Taehyung." He says with a smile holding out his hand.
"It's nice to meet you Kim Taehyung. I'm Y/F/N." I replied; grabbing his ready to shake it.
But instead he simply held on to it tightly; pulling me a bit closer to where he stood.
"Y/N... You're name...it's pretty." He says as a gentle breeze passes us by.
His long curled bangs swept his face which gave me a chance to notice his beauty marks that were kissed on his eye, nose and lips. It was truly alluring.
"Let's be friends from now on, okay?" he spoke, stroking the back of my hand.
Call me ridiculous, heck call me crazy if you must. But the feeling I got when he held my hand that night gave me perception of warmth and a sense of calmness. Kim Taehyung held something that I could have never imagine I wanted.
"...Okay." I replied hoping to hold on to his hand just a little longer.
If I told my past self yesterday that Kim Taehyung and I would sit and indulge in a conversation for more than four hours; I would probably call myself a damn lair. However, it was very true. We spoke about so much that if you saw us you'd believe we knew each other for some time.
That night... was first of many we spent on the rooftop deck. But it was also one I would never forget.
Do you remember the one person who would shake up my whole world?
It begins with him; Kim Taehyung.
Who knew this very person would have such an impact on my life to this very day? But I was willing to risk it all by putting my hand in his.
Different from the guy you were yesterday and this morning. The person I see before me tonight; is who I hope to see now and always.
So...Kim Taehyung, who are you truly?
____________________________
Taehyungs POV
___________________________
"7th Floor"
The voice annunciator from the elevator says as we arrive to our floor. The large doors open and Y/N steps off first then turns to look as I follow her.
Her oversized sweat shirt and pants gave me the impression that she was the type of girl who chooses comfort over fashion. Most women I talk to would normally primp and pamper themselves before meeting with me.
But it could also mean she honestly doesn't really see me as a man. I couldn't blame her, before all this we were at each other's throat.
"It's almost 1'oclock. It's a good thing my dad called. We would have probably been up there all morning." She says stopping by my apartment.
"I saw the time when Jae came upstairs for Yeontan but I figured we were okay. What time is your father coming home?" I ask; hoping to prolong our night.
"He'll be home soon. He did say he'd be working after hours today due to a startup project. So...the first couple nights here...I spend on my own." She responds with a small smile.
Her facial expression captivated me in a sense where I knew she was anxious.
Of course she hasn't got a clue of what I saw on the roof. A secret she probably was afraid to share.
During a moment of our time talking upstairs; Y/N stretched up and her sleeve pulled down revealing a faded scare on her forearm. I wanted to ask her, was it self-inflicted but I figured the closer we got the better the chance will be to know. A part of me is relieved for that was the only one I could see.
Who hurt you? Would you tell me? I thought as I watched her fiddle with her camera.
"I'll walk you to your apartment." I say, trying to stretch our time together a little longer.
"I'm only four doors down." She says bemused.
"Hmmm...It's still appropriate for me to do so. Besides...I was the one that asked you to come out."
"Pfft, how very gentlemanly of you." She rolls her eyes in amusement.
Following her lead to her door, I watched Y/N from behind; taking in different details about her.
Thinking back; I realize she has a habit of running her fingers through her hair. To be honest it was kind of distracting yet oddly memorizing. How her hair doesn't fall in place the way she wants it. I was tempted to help her. But in the type of work I do...I'd send the wrong signals.
Arriving at her door; Y/N pulls the house keys from her pants pocket then opens it.
"So...I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow." She says holding the door open with half of her body already in.
"I guess so. You sure you'll be okay until your dad gets home?"
"...Why wouldn't I be?" she asks and I shake my head.
"Hurry and go in. Get some rest."
With a wave of her hand I turn to walk away. But before I got much further she says;
"Thanks for tonight. I'm...really happy were friends, jerk face."
I chuckle at her comment, shaking my head at her silliness.
"Me too." I turn and smile at her; seeing her smiling back.
And with that she closes her door, leaving me in the hallway.
With the night ending us going to our separate homes; I begin to think of how truly appreciative I am having a new friend.
Someone who didn't care about my past, someone I can actually talk to without having to please them. Someone who only knows me as Kim Taehyung and not my alter ego...V.
To be honest, the short amount of time I spent with Y/N felt like a safe place where I could be me.
The lonely world I lived in and the heavy role I played; it seemed non-existent with her. I...wanted to protect this friendship. I want it to last longer. Please...this once, let me have my way.
I never want her to know the horrible secrets I've had to hide.