Sun
I threw one of the vases towards the wall. It shattered in thousands of pieces and made a loud noise that reflected everything that I was feeling in that moment.
We went to the living room so we could talk. She told me that she was going to tell me everything so I could understand her and stop this all or at least listen to dad. So I could tolerate their behavior and stop rebelling against it...
I listened to her without saying one word. I listened to her in silence without moving an inch. Each of her words.. I could feel each of her words in every inch of my veins..
I never understood what kind of personal problems they had with Dean's dad. I always thought he was only dad's enemy and he hated him to the core but I never thought that it had something to do with mom or that they almost had a relationship or something disgusting like that..
Now it all made sense. Everything made sense.. why his dad did this all.. that he had some serious mental health issues was obvious but they were the reason. They had such a huge impact in it all.. and they always kept blaming us.
"Let me get this right.. you.. robbed grandmas bank.. successfully. Dean's dad found out.. you broke up with mom so he wouldn't hurt her.. mom went and walked around with him.. she did drugs with him.. he was in fucking love with her.. he was obsessed with her.. she is the reason why he made sure Dean and Blake would come to this world, so he could get closer to us?"
I've never been more angry.. I've never been more patient. My hands were shaking and I was so close to also throw the table at the wall or at them both..
They didn't look at me. Especially not mom.. she crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked away. I couldn't tell what they were feeling or thinking because I couldn't concentrate on them and I was too busy with my mind that I was about to lose.
I started laughing as loud as I've never done before.. as if it was the funniest thing ever. They got on my nerves and I totally lost it.
Everything made sense now.. or it didn't.. this thing was bigger than I thought..
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I screamed, getting serious from one second to the other. I looked at them and started breathing faster. Dad looked at me with his clenched jaw and he did not have the fucking right to do that.
"That's why we always wanted you to stay away from him. Because we knew more than you." he said and I couldn't believe my own damn ears. I literally wanted to cut my ears off.
"THAT IS NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE BECAUSE I DECIDED TO STAY WITH HIM, EVEN AFTER I FOUND OUT ABOUT EVERYTHING SO WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM?!"
My voice was loud.. very loud and I knew that I was never going to forget this day. I was never going to forget this conversation, their words, their looks and everything else about it. The shattered pieces of the vase, the tears, the pain and the anger..
"You-.. you always made me feel guilty.. you always made me feel like I was crazy for staying with someone who kidnapped me.. someone who was a part of your enemy.. when you were the one who's guilty.."
My shaking voice was calmer this time.. it was quiet.. raw and hurt..
"You tried to cover your guilt and your past with giving me the blame. Even if that wasn't your purpose.. I always felt like it was my fault that they entered our lives... but it was yours.. it was all yours. This all happened because of you, yet you make me feel bad for liking him.. " I look straight into moms eyes when she finally decided to look at me and I could see the tears in her red eyes. I still didn't know what she was feeling and I didn't even care. I didn't even want to think of it because this time I was the one who was hurt and upset. She didn't have the right to make me feel guilty again for making her cry.
"Be careful of what you say.." dad warned me also as calm as me with a shaking voice. I slowly shook my head. Mom didn't say a word because she knew how right I was. I didn't even know what she was thinking about it. I only wanted to say what I had to say and disappear.
"You.. did such worse things than I did.. and even tho you knew how much I loved him.. and even tho you knew how bad you fucked up.. you still didn't accept him.. you still don't accept him. You make it hard for me to love you right now. You make it hard for me to see you with the same eyes again right now.."
My voice cracked and tears rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to forgive them.. but did they deserve it?
I thought about all the times that dad just didn't want to understand me. I loved him and I knew what a special bond we had and how much I meant to him.. but I thought about all the times he was just so stubborn and cold when it came to Dean. I could understand him and his worry because of what he knew but I couldn't understand his reactions. All the time he was so mean and a leader instead of a dad..
I thought of all the times mom supported me.. when she got my back.. with the tattoos for example.. just how I could share every secret with her. I thought about all the times she was there for me.. she was my mom.. and I thought about how everything seemed so fake because she told me about her past and it sounded like a person I didn't know.. the girl she told me about was so different than her.. of course she changed. She grew up, gave birth to two babies, went through a lot and all this shit.. but it all seemed so fake to me because none of them said anything about this..
I was confused. I was hurt.. and angry.. I thought it all would be over and we finally found peace. I thought we were done with this but it started again and I didn't have the strength to go through it over and over again until they would finally trust him. I was so tired of it.. we weren't kids anymore.. we weren't dating for three days.. it was too serious.
Moon
I got out of the bathroom while I thought she would be sleeping but she was sitting on the edge of the bed with my shirt on. It looked so good on her.. her wet hair made her look very fragile..
I started panicking when I saw that she was shaking a little bit. She seemed almost traumatize.. her leg was shaking.. my stomach dropped and I felt like someone punched me.
Was she regretting it? Did I do something that hurt her? Did I make her feel uncomfortable? Did I go too far or do something that she didn't want? I almost went crazy with these thoughts.
The lights were off but it wasn't very dark yet.. I could still see her face.. she just looked at the ground so I slowly walked towards her and carefully sat down next to her..
"Babe.. are you okay?" I whispered and she turned her head around and looked at me like I scared her. "Yes.. yes I'm okay." she whispered back and her voice sounded honest but that was still not enough for me. I needed to be really sure.
"Are you.. Are you sure? Not regretting it?" I asked. I was really afraid and I actually thought of the worst but she smiled. "No. Moon, oh my god, no. I would never.." her soft voice and her smile made me feel better.. it made me softer.
"I.." she started but stopped and shook her head. She looked out of the window, as if she didn't know what to say. She kept her smile and she seemed so happy. Something changed about her. She seemed happier and her face was shining.. she was blushing.
"I.. I've never felt this... special. I've never felt this good, I-.." she stopped again and swallowed and I knew that this moment was special. Everything about this was special..
"I can still.. feel my body shaking. The goosebumps.. the shivers.. the knot in my stomach.." she was talking slowly and all I did was just watch her.. listen to her beautiful, soft voice. To her beautiful words and her feelings. Getting to know how I made her feel in such details.. was better than everything..
"I can still feel your kisses on my skin.. I can feel your hair tickling my neck and my thighs.. my hands are still shaking and.." she took a deep breath and looked at her hands that were laying in her lap.. then she looked up at me and she seemed so shy.. so sweet..
"I can still feel you.. inside me.."
She seemed like she didn't expect herself to say this. Like she was afraid of saying this because she didn't know what I was going to say and because she was just so shy and fragile. Because she was herself.
"I feel so good. I feel so complete and.. loved. You gave me a feeling.. that I've never felt before. I feel so attached to you.. as close as I never did before.. I.. it feels like my body is blooming and.. only for you.."
My heart almost melted with her words. She was still talking so quietly and softly.. I wanted to kiss her and make her feel over again. I wanted her to feel like this all the time..
This was the most beautiful thing someone has ever said to me.
She smiled at me and waited for my reaction. Her big eyes and her plump lips and the words that rolled off her tongue.. we're the most beautiful things ever.. she made me feel incredible.
Instead of saying something or smiling, I just grabbed her face and kissed her. I kissed her passionately and ran my hand through her hair.
Knowing how I made her feel made me so happy.. I felt butterflies in my stomach for the first time and it felt so weird.. I hated that because I wasn't a pussy but if loving her and feeling like this meant being a pussy than I was a huge pussy.
It was so magical and special.. I've never felt like this either. I've never loved like this either. I've never thought I could make her feel like this and it would mean so much to her.
"And I was afraid that I hurt you.." I said when I slowly backed off. She shook her head again and then shrugged. "I... you did kinda hurt me.. like a lot. No joke, it literally hurt really really bad.. and I can still feel the pain. But I would want to feel it over and over again if I would have the chance to."
I had to laugh when she said that. She laughed too and covered her face with her hands. She was so cute.. I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted it to last forever. I wanted to have the chance to live it over and over again until I would get enough of it.
Then she looked at me and bit her lower lip a little shyly.. but more worried this time. I titled my head and raised a brow. I wanted to know what was going through her head.
"What?" I asked and she shook her head. I raised my brow even higher. "Tell me." I insisted but she seemed really embarrassed. "No, it's nothing..."
I gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards me. "Baby, no.. I want you to tell me everything.. especially now." I said and she looked away really embarrassed... maybe even a little sad.. that made me even more curious.
"There's.. my blood on the sheets.." she whispered so quietly that I barely heard it.
That's what she was worried about. She looked at me like she was afraid of what I was going to say or do about it.. like I was going to think that it's disgusting or that I would embarrass her.. but it my eyes it was the opposite. It was something beautiful..
I didn't want her to think that she would have to be embarrassed about these kind of things next to me. I was never going to make her feel bad or uncomfortable about it.
"I'll tell the room service to change them." I said and she looked at me eyes widened. I literally saw how she got a heart attack. She started panicking and shaking her head very quickly. "No! I don't want them to know this!" she said and she was so cute but I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry.. I'll handle that." I said and pulled her into a close hug..
Sun
I was so hurt.. and so done..
"Let him go. Wherever he is, let him go." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest and looking at the ground. My voice lost all its power and I just couldn't look at them in that moment. I felt so betrayed for some reason..
"Sun.. you don't understand this.." he said. He said I wouldn't understand it. I. After all of this.. I was the one who wasn't understanding it.. I would've screamed and assaulted him but I really didn't have the energy to do that. I didn't have the energy for anything in that moment.
"Just.. Tell me where he is and let him go or I will go and look for him." I said and realized how deep and raw my voice was. I couldn't recognize it. I couldn't recognize anything. Everything seemed so strange and.. not right.
"I can't." he said. I took a deep breath and tried to keep calm. Freaking out again was only going to exhaust me more. I already felt so tired that I just wanted to lay down on the ground and sleep but I couldn't because Dean wasn't there. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to sleep ever again as long as he wasn't going to be back.. I needed him to keep living.
Just when I opened my mouth to say something we heard loud noises.. several gunshots at once.. a machine gun.. my stomach dropped and I made the craziest scenes up in my head. The panic that I got made me crazy..
What the hell was going on..
I looked at dad just out of reflex and I could see the same panic in his eyes. I could also see it in moms eyes..
Before any of us could react, the front door opened loudly and someone walked in. It took that person a few seconds to enter the living room..
My jaw dropped when I saw that it was Dean with the machine gun in his hand. Suddenly I felt so broken and so tired. I just wanted to lay in his arms and cry. I just wanted to comfort him and him to comfort me. I needed him for everything. My tears came back.
I ran towards him and literally jumped on him. My feet got cut off the ground when I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his head several times. I felt his arm around my waist and had to smile.. I couldn't explain what I was feeling in that moment. I was so relieved.. I was so glad that he was back. The few hours in which I've been apart from him were really really hard for me.. probably the worst and hardest ever.
"How.." I heard dad say behind us but I didn't mind. He sounded curious and shocked.. but I really didn't care. All I cared about was Dean. All I wanted was Dean.
When I got back on the ground and looked at him I almost screamed. I almost got a heart attack.. I froze for a second.. then I held his face in my hands.. and saw the tears in his eyes.. that made my tears come back too.
His wet, bloody, sweaty face and hair.. made me cry. I started sobbing and he put his free hand on mine that was still resting on his cheek.. he looked so damaged.. like he fell apart.. like he was so tired of this all and he was so close to give up.. but I was sure he wasn't going to give up. I knew him too well..
Especially knowing that this all happened to him because of stupid people around us... made me feel even more sorry..
"What did they do to you..?" I asked while he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes that I fell in love with when I met him for the first time and saw how a tear rolled down his cheek. It was so silent but so big. It had the power to destroy me..
In that moment I swore myself that I was going to make all of them pay for his tears. They were going to regret it. Each of them..
My boiling blood was hot enough to grab that fucking gun and shoot them all.. but I didn't.. because I could only concentrate on him..
"How did you.." none of us minded dad still talking in the back. We just looked at each other without saying a word..
Maybe I should've been afraid and stayed away from him because he walked in with a gun after several warning shots. He was fucked up and I knew how angry he was.. he was about to start a massacre but I couldn't stay away from him. No matter what he did, I just couldn't stay away from him. I was literally a drug addicted.. I knew that he was dangerous in many ways.. that he was the son of a psycho.. that his dad's blood was running through his veins and that he was just like him at some point..
But I loved him.
I loved everything about him. Even the bad sides. I loved him just the way he was.. with all his mistakes, all his flaws, all his scary sides, all his mood swings.. I loved him with all my heart, unconditionally. And I knew that it was the same with him.
Because other than them I knew that he could never hurt me. Even if he wanted to. He would never treat me bad or make me feel uncomfortable. He would never have a plan that would destroy me or whatever they thought it would be.
I felt my parents eyes on me.. and for the first time I didn't mind. For the first time I just wanted them to disappear and leave me alone. They made us suffer so often and too long.. I couldn't tolerate it anymore.
"I'm so sorry.." I whispered in pain while he wiped my tears away with his thumbs. He was always getting hurt because of me.. because of my stubborn dad who just couldn't let it be.. he was so unfair...
"I'm sorry.. these things shouldn't happen to us.." he said and I shook my head. He was the only one who could make me smile, even in situations like these because only his appearance was enough..
"No.. don't be sorry. It's over now." I said and he nodded. "Yes.. it's over." he said and my stomach dropped for a second.
For a second I really thought he was going to end this all because he had enough of getting in situations like these because of me. I really thought he was going to let me fall.. I thought he was going to leave me alone.. but he meant something else.
"Sun.. it's over and I can only do this if you answer my question." he said and swallowed. I could see that he was nervous, sad and afraid.. I started panicking because I wanted to know what he was talking about. I thought of the worse..
I quickly nodded and knowing that my parents were still watching me and that they could try to tear us apart every second.. was stressing me.
He looked into my eyes with his furrowed eyebrows and the pain in his face. I looked at him with hope.. Hope was the only thing that we had in this moment. I knew what my dad was capable of as soon as he would lose it.. and all I could do was hope because wishing and believing didn't seem enough anymore.
"Will you marry me?"
My shaking jaw dropped and my vision blurred from the tears that rolled down my face again without permission. I froze with his hands on my cheeks and looked at him like I couldn't believe my ears.. like I couldn't believe what he just asked me.. My blood pressure got higher and I thought that I was going to faint. Everything around me was standing still.. nothing was real. Only him and me.
I wasn't going to ask him if he was serious because I knew very well that he was serious. I knew that he meant it.. I knew what he was trying to do. He was thinking the same as me. Only getting married was going to end this all because only then I was completely, officially his and nobody could do anything about it.. not even dad.. nobody..
We could finally live without all these problems, without all these people around us who were causing the problems. He could get me out of this. He could get us out of this and we could build our own little family without asking ourselves what the others would think about it.
I also knew that he wasn't just asking me because he had to or it was the only way. He wanted this for a very long time. Just like me.. and it was time.. it was only sad because it had to happen in such a situation like this. It was awful because they made us do this earlier than we planned. But I loved him even more because he asked me now. I loved him even more for it because he wanted me.
He wanted to take responsibilities and take care of me forever. He wanted to have a family with me. He wanted to get me away from here so I could be only his and nobody would get between us. He was serious with everything that he said and felt. I knew how much I could trust him.. and I wished the others would've known too..
"Yes. Yes. Always, yes. Forever yes." I said and bursted out in tears. I started crying so loudly and sobbed like I was in huge pain.. but I wasn't in pain anymore.
It felt like a huge relief.. this time it really felt like it was over because we made a decision that nobody could take away from us. We were going to build a home and spend the rest of our lives together. We weren't going to be scared, worried or stressed anymore. Everything was going to be alright.. because all we needed was each other.
"NO!" dad screamed from behind and I hated him even more for this. He wanted to destroy this moment. He wanted to stop us, he thought he could stop us but nothing was going to stop us. Nothing. They stopped us for too long and it was our turn to be happy and independent.
The relief and happiness that I felt fought with the anger and grief that I was feeling towards my parents. My emotions were all over the place but I knew that we won this time and that it all was going to be alright. I've never believed in something more before.
"Do you really think I'm going to let you do this right now? Do you think I'll let you marry her right now? After everything that happened? How outrageous and disrespectful are you? I didn't expect such moves from you." dad said to him after he grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from him. I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.. my blood was boiling again.. he was the disrespectful one.
Why couldn't he just have a little respect for the person his daughter loved?
"It's not the right time! And after all I don't think it's ever going to be. You must be crazy to ask her this now! Of course she will say yes now.. but one day she will understand our worry..l he continued and built himself up in front of Dean and I wanted to punch my dad for the first time.
I wanted to open my mouth to spit some words but Dean approached him and a little panic appeared in me.. I knew that he wasn't going to handle it nicely this time because he reached his limit.
"No.. she won't. She will come and stay with me. I would love to deny the things you said and thought about me but I can't." he said shaking his head slowly. He looked straight into his eyes.. his voice was deep and raspy.. calm.. because he knew he won.
"I'm a psycho. I'm obsessed with her. She is my biggest goal in life and I will do everything to get her at the end, if you want or not." he continued and I could see the furious sparkles in his eyes. He wasn't rushing with his words or showing him how angry he was. He was just looking at him.. he was totally mature with a straight face but I knew very well how hard his words hit dad.
"We are made for each other.. and I will either die or live with her but nothing between.. and guess what.. I want to live." his quiet voice and his words gave me goosebumps.
He empowered me with his words. He hyped me and gave me the energy that I needed. He gave me the strength to get through this all and win against them like they were my biggest enemies and the last level of the game we've been playing. Knowing how sure he was about this all comforted me.. knowing that he wanted this so much that he was going to risk it all.. was all I wanted and all I needed and he was right.. why waiting when we already found each other.
"Beware.. I trusted you, I believed in you.. but now..-.." I finally opened my mouth and cut him off because I couldn't stand it anymore. "Nobody is asking you for permission. Nobody.. cares about who you trust right now because you've lost our trusts. We've been through this so many times and it's been too tiring to try to prove you again how wrong you are." I said and he turned around to me.
My voice sounded a little broken.. really raw..
I knew that this was going to destroy everything.. everybody.. but it had to happen to make it end.
He looked at me like he couldn't believe me. I knew that he was weak.. usually he was strong.. but in this moment we got him and his heart was breaking. He was breaking. He knew that he couldn't stop us this time. He knew that it was over but he was still too scared and stubborn..
Mom's silence killed me.. but I knew that I was doing the right thing and that I wasn't the only one who was carrying the weights this time. It wasn't all my fault. They couldn't blame me for choosing love and life instead of prison.
"I can't do this anymore. I love you both so much.. and I'm thankful for being raised by you.. I'm thankful for everything... everything that you've done for me since I came to this world but I can't do this anymore.."
Tears started rolling down my cheeks and the silence between my words was so loud that it was unbearable.
He turned around with some kind of pain in his face but I grabbed his wrist and screamed "LOOK AT ME!". I didn't want to scream but my voice just appeared louder than I wanted. It was reflecting the pain and stress I've been feeling for so long.. especially when I thought of the beginning.
The tears in his red eyes killed me.
Whenever I thought it was over, it was never over.
"If you leave with him.. if you choose him over us.. I will call the boys, even those from Washington and make them go after you." he said with a strict voice. I knew that he was going to do it but I didn't care. His team in Washington was the worst.. in a good way. It was the best and the most strict team that he had. They were only there for emergencies. Even the FBI couldn't hide from them.
"Don't treat him like he's an enemy. I really love you and I never wanted it to be like this but you're not giving me another choice. You don't see a mistake in your actions and I can't suffer under that anymore. Please let me go and let me be happy. Even if I'm going to be happy without you, just let me go, please." I begged him, still holding his wrist. I was crying like the world was falling apart..
The pain in his eyes.. told me that he knew very well what I was trying to say and what I was feeling..
"Please.. you know me the most.. let me be free."
I didn't want it to end like this. I never wanted it to end like this, even if I knew it was going to happen one day. I never wanted to act like this towards them. I never wanted to hate them, scream at them. I never wanted them to be like this, to be this angry, judging, unacceptable, disrespectful, mean and cold.. I never wanted this all to happen but I had no other choice.
I wished that we could've handled in nicely in peace. I wished they would've understood us. I wished he would've talked to me first instead of letting them kidnap him and hurting him.
He could've talked to me first.. or him. He could've asked us what it all meant and what was going on. Dean would've explained him the same way he explained me. He didn't have to destroy everything because with these moves he just made me feel more distant. And he always did this..
Maybe he was insecure.. scared to lose any of us.. I didn't know but he didn't have to make it all so complicated. I just wished that everything would've been at least a little easier because our life was a huge drama/action movie that was too long.
I knew that my words killed him but he couldn't leave his pride aside.. he just couldn't admit that he was wrong.. he couldn't apologize and accept that things went bad. He's always been like this and he was never going to change. He was never going to change.
I let him go and looked at Dean. I knew how bad he felt for me. For us. I knew that he wanted things to be different as well.. I knew that he wanted everything to be easy as well. But he was ready to go and so was I.
I knew that this was the end. I knew that it was going to end. I didn't know where we were going, what plans Dean had, when I was going to see my family again, when I was going to talk to Moon again.. but I knew that I was going to go my own path with someone who decided to create a new future for me. And I knew that it was all I wanted. I wasn't going to regret it. Not even for a second.
I looked at mom one last time.. she wasn't even looking at me.. dad was also looking away.. I never thought that they could be this heartless. Especially mom..
I slowly nodded and wiped my tears away.. I looked at Dean and he understood me.
We started walking towards the door and every step I took felt so heavy.. like my feet wanted me to walk backwards.. but that was not what I wanted.
I was going to leave the house I was raised in forever. Everything happened here. We cried here, laughed here, did a lot of stupid and wonderful things.. I took my first steps here, learned and said my first words here, met some family members for the first time here, survived several small wars here.. and now I was taking my last steps here.. forever.
My room.. the stairs.. just nothing felt the same anymore.. I knew it all was going to be a memory that was going to stab me like a sharp knife as soon as I would think of it.. and maybe I was going to come back one day and feel everything over again.. it was going to be like nothing changed..
For a second I thought about running back and hugging him one last time.. but I was too cold.. I was just as cold as him.. I was leaving without even seeing my brother for the last time.. I hated them for that.. but I also loved them so damn much.. that it hurt me like nothing else has ever hurt me. Nothing.
"If you leave now.. you won't be my daughter anymore. You'll never see me again or hear from me."
I froze with dads cold voice.. with his emotionless voice..
The voice that told me that he was a leader.. not a father.
Our bond was so special, so deep and so real.. that it hurt more than anything else to hear him say that I wouldn't be his daughter anymore. He was ready to erase me out of his life like I've never been there before. I always thought he loved me so much that he would forgive me and love me, no matter what I would do but I was wrong.
I closed my eyes and held my breath. I didn't want to imagine how I wasn't his daughter anymore. How he was never going to look at me in a comforting way ever again, how he was never going to stroke my hair again, how he was never going to be proud of me again, how he was never going to talk to me again..
But he made it come this far. And so did I. We both did.. and everybody else around us. My behavior and his reactions were the cherry on top. We knew that something was going to escalate and fall apart one day but I never thought that it was going to be our family..
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
If I wasn't going to leave now.. I was never going to leave at all.. not even one day.. and I needed to. I knew it was the right thing. My future was standing next to me with his hand in mine.
I didn't turn around one last time. I didn't want to remember them like this. My last picture of them should've been different.. so I just didn't turn around.
I just opened the door and we walked out.. my whole body was shaking and aching in the most unexplainable, unstoppable and unbelievable pain that I was feeling.
I held my tears back until we got in his car and drove off the property. Then I fell apart and had a mental breakdown in the car.. it was over..
Moon
Luna and I came back as fast as we could when mom texted us.
We literally ran inside to find her sitting on the sofa and sobbing like somebody died. She scared me so much that I felt my heart racing as fast as it's never done before. I looked at dad who was just standing there like he was frozen.. something went wrong while I was gone and it was definitely huge..
"Mom.. dad.. where is Sun?" I asked and mom started sobbing louder. I started shaking because she made me so nervous and anxious. Dad didn't move an inch..
It was so silent.. so sad.. like someone really died. Like the home I used to love lost all its colors. Like it was so cold and empty.. like something changed.
The only noise came from my crying mother who was close to faint.
"She left with Dean..."
Dad's words that came out of nowhere made me feel like the world turned upside down. I thought I didn't hear him correctly but I did.. I knew he was serious. I knew it really happened because it was obvious.
I wanted to know everything with every detail but they didn't seem like they were able to talk about anything so I tried to stay calm but it was impossible.
"Do you want me to go after her?" I asked in a rush but dad silently shook his head. I've never seen him like this. He seemed like he lost all of his emotions at once. Like he was totally numb.. like his soul left his body and he was just there.. but nothing more.
I've never been more anxious.
»She's gone..«
His voice was quiet.. quiet and raw. He was hurt. Damaged and destroyed.. and I knew that it was the truth. I knew what he meant and what he was trying to tell me.. trying to tell himself because he was just realizing it.
She was gone.
She left with him and she was never going to come back.
That's why she took all the happiness, all the colors, all the positivity with her and replaced it with dark loneliness that was sad and depressing..
She was going to build her own future without us. She chose him over us but only because they were made for each other and we made it so hard for her.
I never wanted that.. I didn't want it to come this far.. but it was over. There was nothing left to change..
She disappeared out of our lives without a goodbye, a letter or a card. Without a message or anything else..
My little sister left and I was probably never going to see her again.
I've never felt this kind of pain before.. it was that kind of pain that was able to kill me because it was too strong to stand it..
Suddenly I wished I would've appreciated her more and listened to her more. I wished for so much but none of it mattered because she was gone and she was going to live her own life..
But we were never going to be a part of it..
She was trusting him. He was trusting her. She was in good hands.. they did the right thing. Nothing was going to be the same without her. Nothing was going to work. She took all our happiness and love with her.. everything seemed so empty now.. so cold, grey and uncomfortable..
They were going to be happy and we were just left back with broken pieces and pain.. something was never going to be fixed again..
Because she was never going to come back.
She was gone.