MILO'S P.O.V.
"I was so sorry to hear about your break up man, you must be fucking heartbroken." Oh he's funny. "I mean, love like that only comes along once in a fucking lifetime."
When I get to this party, the very first thing I'm doing is punching my brother in the fucking face.
I swear he wasn't this annoying when we were younger, sometimes I think my life would've been easier if we'd just remained the brothers that fucking hated each other rather than being as close as we are now.
I don't mean that, I love him too fucking much to mean that. I wouldn't have made it through the last four years without him.
"You're hilarious Jayce, seriously, you should try out for comedy rather than training to be a fucking high school gym coach." He's never going to let me live this down.
You be a fake boyfriend for your favourite classmate one time, after her parents threaten to send her off to some military camp when they catch her in bed with another woman, and all of a sudden your the butt of all your brothers inside jokes for eternity. If her parents weren't so powerful and didn't work for the fucking university we wouldn't have needed to go so far with it!
"Sorry man, it's sweet, you have your own Lisa!" She is not my Lisa, not all lesbians are the same person Jayce!
"Funny Jayce, funny. You ever tell a soul about this and let it leak to the press, I will end you." I'm just starting out in my career, get branded a fake boyfriend now and it'll stick for a fucking eternity. It was worth it though, at least she's free now.
"I actually think it was very noble what you did. I just didn't think it would go on for like six months." Yeah, neither did I. "So, are her and her girlfriend safe now? Lisa got them all settled with her support foundation far away from her fucking homophobic-cunt parents?"
Yes, thank God. It took them a while to be able to get everything they needed together and get out but they are now. I'm going to miss her though, Ashley was the first real friend I made after going to LSU. I'll go visit after my first season.
I nod, Luke laughing at me from the passenger seat when I realise my brother can't actually see me through the Bluetooth speakers in my fucking car.
"Yeah, her parents can't get to her anymore. They were still threatening to send her to that place even after we started fake fucking dating, using her mental health against her to keep her under their control and threatening to have her fucking sectioned, it was a fucking mess. I mean, we couldn't have made it much more believable if we tried! Other than actually fucking the girl, I was pretty much the perfect fucking boyfriend... It doesn't matter now, it bought her the time she needed, it's all worked out in the end."
Luke rolls his eyes at me, we both know he thinks I had another reason I agreed to do this, not that it matters. She was my friend, she needed help, the fact that it gave me six months without anybody hitting on me or trying to set me up finally, that was just a bonus.
People didn't seem keen to accept that I just didn't actually want to date through college... at all.
"That's good man, I think people might actually be cool about it if they found out though, you might come across as the hero." He's having a laugh right? Because people on the internet are well known for being so kind and accepting.
I learnt my lesson after the world found out I'm not exactly a ruler-straight guy. Being who I am in sport, yeah Jayce was right, it's hard. Not that I care what anyone else thinks, I'm good with who I am, I just don't want to give them anymore ammunition.
I can see the headlines now "First openly sexually fluid NBA signed player enters fake relationship with lesbian classmate to save her from clutches of homophobic cunts threatening to take her away from college." Yeah, right wing press would eat that the fuck up, they already don't want me on their kids posters.
Fuck them.
"Not fucking likely. We aren't far away now so I'll see you in like twenty minutes, get Luke a beer and not one of those fake shits that you drink, I'll have a coke." I can hear the party is picking up already, I didn't realise how late we were running after checking out apartments this afternoon until we got in the car, plus Luke takes about a month to do his fucking hair.
"Okay man, when you get here I need to tell you something though... I think nearly everybody is here now anyway so don't rush. Brie said we're just waiting on Jo-" He cuts himself off but it's a bit fucking late.
Josh.
Damn it Milo, breathe. You can't stop fucking breathing every time you think about him, it's not fucking natural.
Why does Jayce sound so concerned when he said he has to tell me something? Is it about him... he knows I'm coming right?
Breathe Milo.
Luke makes a loud crackling noise with his throat like we're going through a tunnel before ending the call on the cars display and immediately switching back to the music like nothing happened. It's shit like this which is why I keep his miserable ass around.
He doesn't say another word until we reach the middle of town, stopping at the lights as he continues to fucking fidget in his seat and wrestle with his suit.
"Will you stop. You look fucking fine, chill the fuck out." He's worse than having a fucking kid. Luke gives me a glare that a few years ago would have made me shut my mouth, but after living with him for the last three years, his beady little eyes don't work on me anymore.
"I fucking hate wearing suits. You know I hate wearing suits. I don't understand why you need me to come, couldn't you have asked someone else? Ashley owes you for the last six months, if not here then you could have asked..."
"Eli?" This time when he looks at me I do shut my fucking mouth.
Oh that's right, we don't talk about Eli at the moment. Ever since I saw the... Never mind, that's their story to tell.
"So, are you nervous about seeing... everyone?"
Everyone. No.
Someone. Yes.
Fuck, I'm actually going to see him. Four years and I'm finally going to fucking see him in something more than my dreams. But what the fuck am I supposed to say to him when I see him?
How the fuck are we even going to do this? The last time I saw him in person I was kissing him goodbye, honestly believing that I might go my entire life without coming face to face with him again.
Now, it's four years later, and everything has fucking changed.
For him anyway.
For me... Nothing has changed.
Four years, and I don't feel different at all.
I tried, I really did. I know I told him to move on and I should too... I just couldn't. I've never been the type of person to date a lot anyway, but from my very first college party I knew that my experience there wasn't going to be the same as everybody else's. I just wasn't interested, I wasn't interested in any of it.
That first year there was fucking hell. My whole life collapsed around me and a new one started in the matter of twenty-four hours. I had no one, Eli was still in the hospital and it's not like I could take May with me. I could talk to them all on the phone and Skype but as soon as the screen went dark, I was alone again.
There were a lot of good guys on the team, they took care of me and helped me through my classes but everything else was just on my shoulders. Finding Ashley helped, she loved music and helped me transition my major, it just wasn't enough.
Nothing could fill the gap of what I really wanted. What I needed.
I did what I needed to do to keep myself sane; I threw everything I had into the game and into my studies. Eli, Zoe, even Luke, they all came to visit me on weekends and things when they could, that made it easier.
May came to stay as often as Brie could get her to me, but it was hard, getting someone to bring her all the way across the country wasn't exactly straight forward.
When Eli and Luke turned up on campus for their first day, I don't think I've ever been that happy. Things got better then... Never perfect, and never good, but better.
Of course they had a lot of their own stuff to deal with as well, that's kind of the reason that Eli is on the other side of the pond now, but me and Luke found some common ground in our first year and it's only grown from there.
He might be the grumpiest, most hormonally challenged, dripping with inner emo, person on the entire planet, but now my life wouldn't be the same without him.
He's taken care of me, he understands the dark days more than anybody else I know. He's also my reality check, May has always been blunt but Luke is another matter. He'll tell you what you need to hear even if it's not what you want to hear, it can be hard to process at times but in the end you're always grateful for it.
He was the first person to tell me I had to stop talking with Josh last year after we slipped straight back into contact after the anniversary... It felt like I had a flicker of fucking light back in my life after living in a sea of black, my heart was finally beating again, just seeing Josh's name appear on my screen for those few days made me remember what it felt like to be alive... but a part of me knew it couldn't last.
Luke understood completely why I wanted to keep Josh a part of my life even when it was fucking hopeless, he gets it more than anyone, but he could also see it was ripping me apart whenever it hit me again that I couldn't just run and be with him. Things got rough for a while again after that. He was the one that would take my phone and hide it whenever I had a bit too much to drink, he was the one that blocked all of Josh's social media accounts when I didn't have the strength to stop looking, of course I'd unblock them the next day but he didn't need to know that until my next breakdown.
It's why I chose him for today, if I'd asked him to I know Eli would have got on the first plane to come back here, but in all honesty, I know that Luke will keep me from doing something stupid by any means necessary and he won't get distracted by someone pretty in the mean time.
Eli hasn't changed that way... a lot.
"Milo? Are you going to answer... Holy shit, is that a blimp?" Brianna fucking Parker.
Of course it's a fucking blimp.
"You'd better sort your fucking tie out before that adoptive mother of yours sees you, you know she's only going to try to dress you properly if you don't." Luke huffs as he pulls down the visor mirror and pulls his tie tight enough to fucking strangle him in protest.
Such a fucking drama queen.
That suit looks good on him though, he's grown a lot over the last few years, that's what being able to eat actual food will do for you.
He's happy now, healthy. He still tries to act like he's got no fucking heart but there's too many cracks in his armour for anyone to truly believe it anymore.
I barely get the car into park before someone starts slamming on the passenger window, Luke looking at me like I'm going to be able to help him but that's basically his fucking mother now.
"Oh my baby! Let me sort out your tie before you get in there! Hello Milo dear, you look very handsome." Liz wrestles her way into the car, planting her lips on Luke's cheek before pulling at his mangled tie.
Luke tries to look annoyed but I can see in his eyes that he isn't, he loves this woman so much. When her and Coach took him in after he ran from his fathers, I think he just expected it to be for a few weeks, cut to four years later and there's no way she's ever letting him leave this family.
You should have seen her at his graduation, she was crying worse than Mum was with me. They have so much love to give, they're going to make amazing foster parents but I know it won't change things between them and Luke, he's their son now.
"Liz, I can't breathe..." Luke manages to choke out before Liz pulls him out of the car and onto his feet, spinning him around and smoothing down the back of his suit jacket like he's a little fucking kid and not a twenty-two year old man.
Whenever I come back here with him it feels like she is my personal revenge for him being such a miserable prick day in day out back at campus. I really love Liz.
"There, now you look perfect, not that you don't always, my little pudding cup." She coos, pinching his cheek before lifting the front of his jacket and looking at his stomach. "You're not eating enough, remind me when you get home tonight to make you some pasta, you need fattening up, I can see all your muscles poking through."
I think that's kind of the point, Liz.
"You too Milo! The both of you are all... bumpy. Right, I'd better get back in there before my husband raids the damn bar, he's taken to this nearly early retirement life far too easily for my liking. You two better hurry up, I think they're waiting for you."
Please don't say that, my heart already feels like it's about to break through my chest as it is.
Fuck he's right in there isn't he... right on the other side of that door...
Liz wraps her arms around Luke's waist tightly as she squeezes him, he looks over at me for help but we both know she's not leaving without one. Eventually he just gives in, rolling his eyes and planting his lips on the top of her head so he can get his freedom back, whilst pretending he's not filled to the brim with love for her right now.
I know it's nice for her, I thought Luke moving in there might have brought up some difficult stuff for her but it's never been that way, she embraced him as a son from day one.
He's theirs.
Just like Liam was...
Okay, breathe... Milo, just breathe.
It's just Josh.
Josh.
Beautiful, perfect, sensational, I can't stop fucking thinking about him, light of my fucking life Josh.
"Milo? Shit, you about to have a nervous breakdown again or something? Because you know I'm not good when people are sick... Want me to get Liz to come back?" Luke asks, grabbing both my shoulders and taking deep breaths that he forces me too much. It's just like the first time that I brought him to the Manor and he could see I was in pain, he tries to hide it and a load of bravado but deep down he's just got a squishy little centre. "Want to just sack this off and go to a sports bar instead? Or go back to mine and watch the highlights? Whatever you want... If this is too much for you... For you to see him with-"
"I'm good..." I promised Brie I'd be here, I can't let her down. Even if I do feel like I'm about to pass out. How the fuck am I supposed to sing like this? "I'm just..."
"Scared." Luke finishes for me. He's not wrong, but it's more than that. When I see him, that means it's all going to become real. I think in my head I accepted a long time ago that me and Josh would never be again, that became solidified when I saw he was with Xade, it's my heart that refuses to catch up.
Luke slowly lets go of my shoulders when my breathing has returned to an acceptable level, glancing around as if to check nobody outside of that room can see him before reaching his hand out towards mine.
"What are you doing?" Luke usually isn't a super tactile person, at least not with me.
"You're scared to go into a room with your ex and his new boyfriend, it's understandable but there's a cure for that." Luke pushes his fingers between mine, it feels really fucking weird but also kind of comforting knowing that he's willing to put himself in this position for me, he's still not where I wish he was with his acceptance but he's better.
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
Luke smirks.
"You just make sure that you walk in there with a hotter guy than he has."
I knew there was a reason I kept him around.