Walking over to the bed, I take my laptop and dump it on the desk before closing the window. Now I’ve dropped that bag outside it’s actually fresh in here, the cold air of the night causing my arms to become coated in goosebumps, and now I look at Milo I realise his entire body is coated in them too.
Quickly I grab the blanket, covering him up and trying not to laugh as he cuddles into the soft fabric. I swear if he throws up on it again though I’m making him sleep in the hall.
I get up, ready to spend a night painfully sleeping in the armchair, I haven’t had to do it since Steve was in hospital and I’m not massively looking forward to the idea, when suddenly Milo grabs hold of my wrist.
“You can sleep here.”
A small laugh pierces through my lips as I hear how small his voice sounds, it’s still so fucking deep but you can hear how exhausted he is now.
“I’m good, you need to sleep and I don’t need you throwing up on me again.”
I try to pull away but his grip on my wrist only tightens, keeping me in place whenever I try to leave. He’s forceful, he knows what he wants and I think he’s used to getting it.
“Milo..”
“Josh.. please man, I don’t want to take your bed. Either get in here or I’ll crash on the floor.”
For fucks sake.
He doesn’t relent, even when I slowly climb into the empty side of the bed he keeps his grip firm until I’m securely in place next to him. He loosens his fingers, but takes his time removing them completely from my skin. It’s been a while since I’ve really let someone touch me, I hug the kids goodbye and Brie doesn’t give me much of a choice when it comes to her affections but since I moved back to Westbrooke I’ve been keeping my distance a bit more, the constant fear I’ll have to leave them all again is suffocating.
It’s strange to be handled by someone again, but I don’t hate it.
Settling into the lumpy uncomfortable mattress, I glance over at the boy laying next to me, pain and anxiety radiating off him in waves.
“Are you okay man?”
He seems to hesitate, his brow scrunching up slightly before relaxing again. “She cheated on me.”
The hurt is clear in his tone, the slight break in his breathing telling me this isn’t something he’s experienced before. “Eli told me, I'm so sorry man. It's rough whenever it happens. Talk to her though, it might not be what you think. Then, if you can’t make it work, I'm sure there's a hundred other girls willing to take her place. Don't sweat it, you’ll be okay."
He looks uncomfortable, wriggling around on the mattress and taking half the blanket with him until finally he settles on his stomach, his head facing me. His eyes are still closed, his lips slightly parting as he places the words together in his head before speaking them.
"I cheated on her too... not really, but like... in my head."
I don't want to laugh but I can't help it, one just slips out. That might be the most innocent thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. Somewhere deep in there, he's still that sweet boy isn't he? “I don't think it counts if it was in your head mate, you can’t control what you think about.”
His eyes were completely closed but now they're suddenly wide, taking me in like he’s seeing me for the first time all over again. He’s fighting with the words that want to escape his lips but eventually the alcohol seems to convince him to let them go.
“Did you always know you were gay?”
I can see there’s trepidation there to ask, although he genuinely just seems curious. Some guys ask but what they really want to know is if you were secretly thinking about fucking your straight best mate all through high school, not because they actually give a fuck.
“Yes and no. With hindsight, there were definitely signs. I had girlfriends and shit like everyone else, I even liked a few but beyond the regular hormone induced boners they didn't really do anything for me. I remember sitting in the bathroom when I was twelve the first time the thought hit me, staring at myself in the mirror and forcing the words out of my mouth. 'I'm gay.' But the second I left the room I left the words there too... until I had to face them again.”
He moves onto his side gently, his eyes closed again now but the rapid rise and fall of his bare chest telling me he's very much awake.
“What made you face it?”
I chuckle, the memory flooding back and making me smile. “I met a boy.”
I never used to be able to even think about that time without crying, never mind talk about it. Now it's different, now talking about him is the only time he feels alive for me.
“I fucked up one day, really bad. When you're trying to hide a part of yourself from the world you lose a part of yourself too, you get angry and do stupid things. I was so desperate to be straight, be one of the guys, I didn't really think about the people I was hurting to prove that. One of the boys came up with this idea, a dog show. Basically all the team would bring girls they would never normally date along to a party and we'd rate them. It was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever been a part of, it was kind of my reality check.”
“You were a right prick back then I take it?”
I laugh, but he isn't wrong. “Yep, although your sisters converses meeting my dick snapped me out of it pretty quickly.”
Milo’s eyes grow wide, he tries to laugh but his breath gets caught in his throat and forces him to cough instead. I reach over and grab a bottle of water, feeding him sips slowly before he settles back down into the pillow. He doesn’t open his eyes despite the fact I can tell he wants too, his plump lips wet with the drop of water sitting on them. Is he afraid to look at me while I tell him this?
“So, where did you meet him?”
Laying back against the headboard and diverting my eyes from him, a warm feeling spreads to my chest as I think back on that day. The day that changed my life.
“The night of the dog show, everyone left and I snapped, I really fucking hated myself. The guys were all feeling shit too but I felt worse because I knew I'd hurt those girls just to protect myself. I didn't sleep all night and I didn't want to face my mum the next day so I went to this coffee shop in the bay instead. I was at this tiny corner table when I saw Brie and Kallie walk in with this guy. They took seats by the window but he went straight up to get his coffee to go. I'd never seen anyone like him before, someone who's presence could fill up a whole room. There was a femininity that was enduring about him but you could see his strength too. I remember trying to make myself so small so he wouldn't see me, he was fucking beautiful and I looked like shit. Plus I was scared if Brie saw me she'd tear my dick off for being part of the dog show.”
His chortle is deeper this time, he knows that girl wouldn't have hesitated back then.
“I was so busy trying to pretend I didn't exist that I didn't even see him walk over. He sat down on the seat opposite me, didn't say a word, just ran his eyes up and down my whole body before stopping at my face. I don't know how he knew, I don't know how Harley always seemed to know everything. He lent forward, took my hand and said 'bitch, you're tired.' I didn't know what to say, I just stared at his caramel chocolate hand wrapped around my pale one and stayed quiet, feeling the electricity that I’d never felt touching any girl. When I finally found the ability to talk again all I could think to say was that I hadn't slept. He laughed, really laughed, like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Then the laughter stopped, he stared me straight in the eye and said 'No honey, you're tired of pretending.'.... It all hit me, right there in the middle of a coffee shop surrounded by random people and with my hand in that of a handsome stranger, I realised I couldn't pretend anymore.”
I haven't told this story in so long, sometimes I forget how truly magical it was. I spent three months with Harley after that. It seems like nothing, people could lose three months of their lives and never notice but, it was the most perfect three months. Three months I'd give everything I have to live again.
“You still miss him.”
A fact I'm very aware of. “Every day.”
We sit quietly for a bit, I’d almost convinced myself he’d fallen asleep until Milo suddenly reaches over, his strong arm circling across my bare waist and pulling me sharply towards him until our bodies collide. His hand never leaves my skin, the heat from his palm flooding through me and causing my body to stir with fire. I thought he was going to just give me a hug or something, I can’t even look to see if his eyes are open when I feel him wrap his leg around mine, keeping his hold on my waist strong as he places his head gently on my chest.
What’s he doing?
There’s a panic in me at first, I really don’t know what to do here. Do I push him off? Leave him? This isn’t exactly appropriate... It’s intimate.
I can feel his skin brush against mine with every breath we take, the energy pumping around him from the heart within his bare chest mixing with my own as he settles himself around me. I can't remember the last time I did this, I know it's just the actions of a drunk man who will probably laugh at himself in the morning, but it's been a fucking long time since I've held a man in bed.
Glancing down quickly, his eyes have grown so heavy now, I can hardly see them through the mess of his chocolate hair but his body still rests on mine like he has no intention of ever letting go. I lose all ideas of moving him... he looks so fucking peaceful.
Just as I get ready to surrender myself to the night, he talks again.
“I lied you know...”
I can’t stop myself, reaching out I push back the hair I can see is about to fall into his drunk little eyes. He still has them closed but there’s pressure to keep them that way as my fingertips brush lightly against his skin. “What did you lie about Miles?”
Miles? Where did that come from... It suits him though...
He seems to be fighting something, I’d almost say it was the desire to lean into my touch until he buries himself so far into my chest I'm surprised I can still breathe, my skin embracing the feel of his soft dermis on my own with familiarity. This shouldn’t be this comfortable...
“I do still love them... the stars.”
With those final words he falls deeply asleep. I just can't bring myself to join him. My mind racing as a sudden realisation comes into my head, one that I desperately don't want to feel but can't fucking ignore...
... Laying here with him...
...it feels good.
That's it for this first upload beauts 😍 I will be doing updates for this story every single Friday 😁
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Until next time my loves!
Monroe cuddles for everyone 🥰📖❤