I sluggishly hit Harry's arm and muster a tiny amount of strength to hold my finger up while pointing to the entonox gas mask that I desperately need. We have been at the hospital for 8 hours now. It took 7 hours to get me to 8cm dilated and the last time my midwife Phoebe checked, I was 9cm.
Everything is happening a lot quicker now. I lasted drug-free until I was 7cm dilated. After that I was screaming and crying through the contractions while begging for the epidural. The doctors told me that it was too late for that.
I called them some impolite insults their way and I'm sure they didn't take it personally.
Harry reaches for the gas mask and hands it to me. I groan in pain while holding the mask to my face and inhaling the glorious entonox. Enotnox is a mixture of nitrous oxide and oxygen. It doesn't take away the pain, but it makes it slightly more bearable.
"This is all your fault. If you didn't get me so drunk that night then I wouldn't be in this situation right now."
"You were already drunk by the time I got there."
"Then you shouldn't have let me go home with you."
"I-"
I place my hand over his mouth to stop him from speaking. "I take it back, it's not your fault. It's Anne and Des's fault. It's their fault for making you so damn irresistible."
Harry laughs at me before turning his head to look at the gas machine. He picks it up and analyses it in front of his face. "What else is in this stuff?" He asks the doctors. "This has to be a little more powerful than happy gas. She is off her rocket."
"Just shut up and give that back to me." I snatch the mask from his hands.
While I breathe through another contraction, I notice Harry tying his hair into a bun so that it is off of his face.
I impatiently hit his arm again and let out a grunt instead of using words. Harry lets go of his hair and immediately takes my mask from my hands.
"No, not that. Give me ice." I say in a tone that resembles Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. "This isn't a beauty salon Harry. It is a hospital now stop fucking playing with your hair and give me the damn ice."
Harry's eyes widen while he holds his hands up in surrender. "Jeez, I'm sorry."
"You'll be sorry when- ah fuck. Oh my god, no. I just had one ten seconds ago, can I not catch a break?" I hold the mask back up to my face and wait for the horrendous pain in my stomach to subside.
"Actually, your last contraction was 1 minute and 45 seconds ago." Phoebe corrects me. "Keep breathing Hailey, you're doing really well."
"Obviously I'm going to keep breathing because if I don't, I'll die."
Harry passes me the ice chips and I take a handful of them and place them inside my mouth. "Too cold" I say before spitting them out and they land on my naked chest. I am completely naked right now. If you told me this yesterday that today I would be completely naked with my legs wide apart in front of 4 strangers, I would have laughed at you.
But right now, I couldn't care less about what I look like or how much I am humiliating myself. All I want is this baby out of me right now. I love her, but she is causing me so much pain so I desperately need her earth side instead.
*
"Alright Hailey, you're ready to start pushing. On your next contraction, I want you to push as hard as you can. I will count you through it. How are you feeling? Are you ready?" Phoebe peers up at me from the other end of the bed.
I nod my head while the doctors help sit me up in a different position. "I'm ready." I say while I place my feet on the foot rests attached to the bed. Harry is holding my left leg while another doctor is holding my right leg.
"Good, because you don't have a choice." Phoebe tells me. "My goodness she has a full head of hair."
I look at Harry, completely in shock that Phoebe is able to see that much detail already.
"Are you sure it's the baby? Hailey wasn't scheduled for her waxing appointment until next week."
I grip onto his arm and purposely squeeze it harder. He laughs at me in response.
Phoebe is closely eyeing the machine which is monitoring my contractions. "You have another contraction coming on. You are going to push through it. Don't stop pushing until I count to ten."
She can see another contraction coming on and I can feel it. I close my eyes when Phoebe starts counting in. I am in too much pain to reach for the gas. I am afraid that any kind of movement is going to make this even harder. Any form of pain I have ever been is nothing compared to this. I do not have the right to complain about stubbing my toe ever again.
All of the pain that I have endured since birth could not be added together to equal the amount I am feeling right now.
"... eight, nine and ten." Alright Hailey, take a moment to catch your breath. That was great, do another big push like that again." I feel another urge to push and I begin to, but Phoebe shouts at me "no, not yet. When I tell you."
"But I feel like I need to again."
"Hailey, listen to me. You push when I tell you to."
Harry comfortingly places his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so proud of you, just take a break and listen to Phoebe."
I close my eyes and briefly nod my head while catching my breath.
A little over a minute later, Phoebe instructs me to push again. This continues for another fifteen minutes before my contractions become even more close together.
"In three pushes she is going to be here. Let's go again." Phoebe says before beginning to count to ten. I am completely exhausted and feel like I have nothing left to give. I just want to sleep. But I need to do this. She said only three more pushes. I can do this. "... nine and ten. Great, now take a deep breath in and get ready to push again - and one, two, three..." I barely had time to breathe in before it is time to push again.
Phoebe was wrong, it wasn't three pushes at all. It was five pushes. Right now it feels like my vagina is on fire and cannot possibly be stretched even more.
"Keep going baby, keep pushing Hailey. I can see her head." Harry says while tilting his head to the side so that he can see our baby girl coming out. I pull on his arm so that he stays up the top end of my body because I do not want him to be traumatised by what is going on at the other end. "She's coming now. I can see her. I can see our girl." Harry's voice hitches at the end and I look up at him to see tears in his eyes. He is smiling proudly down at our little girl who is sliding out.
"Her head is out, another big push for me Hailey. We need to get her shoulders out." I push again when the contraction arrives and this hurts even more than when her head was coming out. Phoebe who has a hold of her head, assists me by pulling her out. Seconds later, I feel her being pulled out from me completely and she is placed to my chest immediately.
"Here she is, your precious daughter." Phoebe says to me.
"My baby. My girl. Our baby girl." I say while crying and looking down at her. She is crying against my chest and I hold her against my skin. I look at Harry who is wiping the tears from under his eyes.
"You did it baby." Harry leans down and pushes my hair off my face before kissing my forehead. One of the doctors hands Harry some scissors and instructs him to cut her umbilical cord. I stare down in awe at my angle who does in fact have a hair full of hair.
I birth out the placenta which feels like a breeze compared to birthing baby. The doctors continue doing who knows that and tidying me up down there. Meanwhile my eyes remain fixated on our beautiful girl in my arms. I am on cloud nine and it's not just from the gas. I cannot put into words how I feel right now. I am completely and utterly in love with her and feel the happiest that I have ever felt.
The second she was placed against my skin, I felt completely at ease. That feeling soon subsides when she is taken from me and the doctors wipe her over and take her measurements. Her cries got more louder when she was taken away from me. Harry walks over and watches over her while the doctors do their thing.
"She is 48.9cm long. You have a tall baby." One of the women says.
"Yeah, look at those legs." Harry reaches down and touches her little leg.
"Just like her father." I say to him and he smiles proudly. "And how much does she weigh?"
"6.6 pounds."
Phoebe picks her up and brings her back over to me. Phoebe places her against my chest again and she continues crying. After holding her for a few minutes, her cries simmer down and eventually she stops. She lays there contently with her eyes closed and I can feel her little heart beating against mine.
I look up at Harry who has had his hand on my shoulder. I lift my head up and he leans down to kiss me.
"I love you so much. You are incredible Hailey Hayes. I never thought I could love you anymore but today I fell in love with you all over again. You make me such a proud man." He kisses me again. "How on earth you did that..." he lets out a puff of air. "Amazes me. You are the bravest person I have ever met. You're amazing and I love you so fucking much."
"I love you so much Harry." I reach out and grab his hand. He holds my hand with one hand and gently places his free hand on our daughter's back.
"She's so tiny." He says.
"I know." I look over at Phoebe who is writing down information. "She doesn't have to go to the NICU does she?" I ask in fear.
Phoebe walks over to me and places her cold hand on my arm. "You are very lucky. We are going to run tests just to be certain, but from the looks of her she won't be needing any incubation time. She was always measuring large and these measurements definitely prove that. Yes, she is small, but she might just be big enough to go home with you in a couple of days."
"Thank you." I say to Phoebe.
"So, does this gorgeous girl have a name?" She asks, looking between Harry and I.
I nod my head while looking up and smiling at Harry. I then look down at our daughter and the name we had picked out for her matches her perfectly. We had discussed a handful of names but one in particular stuck out to us. We wanted to meet her to be sure that it suited her before confirming it.
"London Anne Styles." Harry says, leaning down and kissing our daughter on the top of her head.
"Hi London." I say to my daughter.
"That is beautiful. Hello little London." Phoebe smiles down at her. "I wonder where you got the inspiration from." She looks specifically at Harry. She leaves shortly after and I turn my attention to Harry.
"Should we give our families a call?"
Harry walks over to the lounge and picks up his phone. "Yes, but first I want to capture this moment."
He takes a dozen photos. Of London and I, the three of us and close ups of London sound asleep.
"Do you want to hold her?" I ask him.
"Can I? She doesn't have to stay on you?"
I laugh at him. "You are allowed to hold your daughter, Harry. Take your shirt off because it's good for you to have skin to skin contact with her too."
He lifts his shirt over his head. "You just want to see my abs." Harry drags the chair over from the other side of the room. When he realises that the screeching sound is going to startle London, he picks it up and places it beside my bed. He carefully picks her up and she makes a quiet murmuring sound. Harry takes a seat and holds her against his chest. "I cannot believe how small she is."
"I know." I say while picking up his phone and taking pictures of the two of them. "She has your nose and lips."
Harry tilts his head so that he can see her face. "No, that's your nose." He takes another look. "Wait, you're right. That is my nose." He smiles. "But she has your chin. Look at the little dimple there."
He's right, she has a dimple on her chin like I do.
"And my dark hair, although I was born blonde."
"I was born with dark hair too. Not that much though. She has more hair than I had at the age of 3. I was born with fine, dark hair and then it went white blonde when I was around two months old."
Harry kisses her. "Daddy loves you, London." He kisses her again. "So, so much. I love you with my whole heart."
I take another photo of them because this sight is too cute to miss. This is my dream right here. Seeing Harry holding our daughter.
"You just couldn't wait to come meet us, could you?" Harry asks her.
"You wanted to come while your Dad was in town, didn't you London?"
We both laugh.
"I'm going to do a group FaceTime call." I type in Harry's passcode and go onto the group chat which Harry created today to keep everyone updated. Rachel and Gemma are the first two to pick up, followed by Anne and my Mum.
"Somebody is here and would like to meet you." I say before flipping the camera to Harry and London.
A/N: After a long long wait, she is finally here.
London Anne Styles.