Peter Parker and the Avengers one shots

Deadpool is your boyfriend!??!

For MelanyPJOFangirl

Peter had a secret. He didn't have money.
Oh, not that secret? Oh, the other ones. One was that he was Spider-Man, and the other was that he was dating the immortal merc with a mouth.... Deadpool!
Anyway, on with the story.

Stop it Wade!! PPPS, help pls.

One day Peter was at school. He was being beaten up by the rich-ass bully of the school. Flash freaking Thompson.

"You are a worthless piece of crap!" Flash whispered into Peter's ear, as he slammed Peters hand into his locker door.

Flash turned heel and left, but not before his very expensive belt being slashed, and his pants falling around his ankles, revealing Spider-Man underpants.
(Oh the irony) (Shut up Wade)

"Hey, stop messing with my boy!" A voice came from the ceiling. And there in all his red and black glory was Deadpool.

"Wh...aaaat?" Squeaked Flash, frantically hitching up his pants.

"Waaaaaaade. You're embarrassing meeee" Peter called out.

"Oh BabyBoy. I would never embarrass you on purpose.  Ow. Now, how long has this imbecile been harassing you? Tell me, or I'll ask Ella."
Wade asked, dislocating his ankle from where it was stuck in the roof.

"Three years." Peter murmured.

"Ok, what? Ok, where's that Flesh kid?"
Flash tried to hide behind MJ, who called out, "Here DP."

MJ knew Deadpool, because she was Peters best friend.

"Aaah, how are you this fine day, miss MJ?" Asked Wade, dramatically kneeling down and kissing her hand.

"Fine, loser. Now, can I help kill Flash?" MJ asked, cracking her knuckles.

"Nah, then you'll get the death sentence. I can't die, so..." Wade shrugged. MJ pouted, but walked away.

"Wait, Wade, don't kill him! No, no even hitting him!" Peter yelled, running up to Wade.

"Aww, but-"

"No. No buts. Threatening, yes, but no physical harm. Or Tony and Nat'll come after you again."

Wade pouted again, and started threatening Flash.

"Now, if you ever lay another hand on Peter, or say another bad word, to or about him, you won't just get a visit from me, but all the Avengers, and get sued for all your money by Pepper Potts. Now, not another word about this, understand me?"
Flash nodded

Wade and Peter walked happily off into the distance.
The end.
Heh. That wasn't too bad, was it? How many Fourth Wall breaks was that?
Four. Yay, I'm getting better! Now do
I get candy?
Yes Wade. Hey you, reader. Can you give Wade food? Wow, that sounded like something from a kids book.
Anyway, bye

I'll update in a few hours