Tisis

Call of the Valkyrie (N)

My head's a mess.
I've really done it...I didn't think I'd have the strength, I really thought I wouldn't get a single word out once I face him, but I really did it.

I did the right thing...the thing that's best for everyone involved.
Now, that I've set him free, he can have a future.

...then why do I feel so miserable about it?
This is for the best, right?
I mean, I've thought about all possible aspects of this situation and this is the only halfway satisfying solution.

I know all that...I know it is the right...the reasonable thing to do.
What kind of future could I possibly give him?

No...no, this is for the best.
I just...just need to keep telling myself that...then it's going to be alright.

Sure, it'll hurt in the beginning, but I'll manage...it...it can't be worse than what Tisis has already thrown at me.
I'll survive. Just...like I always did.

I...I really don't need all these feelings.
I never did.

Feelings are only a hindrance, after all.
Like all those times, I prepared dinner for my dad and I, merely wanting to be called 'his good girl'...only to receive a short message that 'something came up' and that 'he won't be able to make it.

All those silly tears in the lonely nights over cold dinner.

Back then, I promised myself to be stronger than that.
I promised myself not to cry any more.
That I'd be good. That I'd be brave.
That I'd keep on going, no matter what.

I had successfully shut all those silly feelings away, focusing solely on my duties...and life really wasn't all that bad.

Yet still...despite all that...I felt so betrayed that day...
The day, my world ended.

And today, here in this strange and foreign land, I feel just the same once again.
Betrayed. Hurt.
And terrifyingly lonely.

Tears have begun streaming down my face without even bothering to ask me, whether I wanted to cry.
They just started flowing...I guess I am just a silly, stupid little girl after all.
So much for being 'battle-hardened' and 'all grown up'.

As I slowly approach the living quarters of the den, I remember the twinging feeling I had, when Sirus told us, that he would be sleeping in a different part of the den...and that he didn't want any nightly visitors.

Back then, I should already have known that I had lost him...but I kept holding on...and cannot even really say 'why'...though I guess it was probably because of my foolish pride.
I mean, what else could it have possibly been?

I wipe away my tears...I wouldn't want Eva or, even worse, Julia to see me like this.
Julia would only worry and make a huge fuss about it, trying to talk me into getting back with Sirus and that she'll withdraw from the competition herself.
I mean, I will have to tell her eventually, but not tonight...

Just after entering, a high pitched scream echoes throughout the walls and out into the night.

It takes me a moment to recover from the immediate shock and identify the voice...it is Eva's and it comes from the bathroom.

I quickly grab one of the emergency spears we keep at the ready near the entrance and race towards the bathroom.

The door is wide open and I charge right in, scanning the entire room with a single look for potential threats, but the room appears to be empty...except for the obvious reason for Eva's scream.

Upon making sure that there's nothing about to jump me, my mind decelerates and I allow myself to take in the gruesome picture of the slumped together Julia who is sitting in the empty bathtub, her blood idly flowing towards the drain.