Tisis

Anxiety (N)

The coming hours are overshadowed by what my father had told me.

More than once, I get dragged back to the reality of the moment by the annoyed voice of the navigation officer, "Are you even listening, Jor Lushomagans?!"

"Err, yes! Yes, of course!"
"Then what did I just explain to you?"
"Err..." I start, trying to recall what I had just heard when my mind went off on a tangent and back to the talk I had with my father.

I query the ship's computer to upload the recording of the last minute to my mind, but he notices, sighs, and shakes his head.
"Jor Lushomagans, would you please pay attention instead of daydreaming? It is crucial for your future task to have a good understanding of what each of the stations does after all."
"My...apologies, Jor Gra'thmotl. I...do not seem to be feeling well."

The officer gives me a curious look and suggests, that I should go see the medical officer then.
His face adds 'instead of wasting my time' to the sentence.

I bow slightly to apologize for the inconvenience and take off towards the door to the bridge, but my father stops me, "Is something the matter? Your lesson hasn't been finished yet as far as I can tell."

I look up to my father, who had apparently been monitoring me from his seat the entire time.
He has a stern look on his face, but his eyes give away his concern.
He knows full well what the matter is, yet he cannot say it out loud without possibly setting off any potential traitor in this room.

I bow slightly and repeat my lie from earlier, "Jor, I am afraid I am not feeling well. I beg your leave."
"...request denied."
I blink a few times and look up at my father.
And not just me, the entire room seems to now be looking at the two of us.

"You will not skip out on your training young lady. Instead, you will get back down there and resume where you left off. Am I understood?"
It has been a long time since my father had used such a stern voice in front of me.
In fact, the last time I can remember was just after my mother had died in that terrible fire.

I close my eyes, processing the information and when I open my eyes again, my mind is made up.
"Jor, with all due respect, I am not a little child anymore. I no longer require you to protect me. Now, by your leave, I would like to return to my real post."

A dumbfounded expression appears on my father's face.
He recovers quickly though and says, "This is not the right place to discuss such matters. Please, accompany me to my quarters."

My father leads me through a nearby door, labeled with 'Captain only' into a small compartment.

"What is this?"
"My private place. There are some perks to being the captain. Here we will be undisturbed."
"What about the ship surveillance? Someone might tap into the surveillance or the data flow."
"This room is completely isolated from the ship systems. No cameras, no microphones. If you want, you can try to access the ship systems. You will see, it doesn't work."
"I'll simply take your word for it."

My father nods, sighs and finally asks, "Alright, Nympromedalas, what is all this about?"
"Is my captain...or my father asking me that?"
"Your answer should be the same regardless of who asks. But I am asking you as your father...and guardian."
"Very well then, father..." I start, take a deep breath and look straight into my fathers eyes.

"I am not a child, who requires your protection, anymore."
"...it was that obvious, huh?"
"Quite so, yes. Listen, father, I understand that we have a crisis at hand, but it is especially during times like these that you need to maintain integrity and normality. Taking me off my post and placing me in a well-protected area like the bridge may well make the wrong people suspicious."
"Like you, for example?"
"If I can make this connection, people who are smart enough to hijack our ship systems can too."
"So you would rather have me deliberately put you in danger?"
"Father, if you show yourself as vulnerable through me, I will almost certainly become a target. Please, allow me to go. Allow me to return to the shadows. Allow me to do what I know how to do. And once this crisis has passed, which I know it will, we can talk about this 'captain in training' thing again."

My father looks at me with a strange expression on his face.
But eventually, he begins laughing.

"Did I say something funny, father?"
"No, it's just...you remind me so much of your mother right now. Headstrong, diligent and honest to a fault."
Now, tears appear in the eyes of my father.
"I miss her, you know? You...are the only thing I have left of her. Ever since those...those savages...took...took her away..."

I place my hand on my father's cheek and say quietly, "I see. But your feelings must not cloud your judgment. You must act in the interest of the entire ship. This is your duty as the captain."

My father smiles and tousles through my hair.

"She was like that too...always setting me back straight, whenever I lost my way. I...cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am of the woman you've become."

After a small pause of silent sniffles, my father wipes the tears from his eyes and says, "I will make the arrangements to have you transferred back to your block. Starting tomorrow you will be back where you belong. I am serious about you succeeding me though. Once this crisis is over, I will ask you to pick up training as captain again. I can not imagine a single soul aboard this ship who would be better suited."

I nod and thank my father for understanding me.

After all, this is not the time for running away and hiding.
This is the time to stand up and fight for what we believe in.