Tisis

Trauma (S)

A few weeks have passed since I started teaching Nym my language.

She's been picking it up very well...so well in fact, that I started thinking, that she's been lying to me about her not being able to read it.

Either that, or Asmodei are a whole lot smarter than I imagined them to be.
Or maybe it's just her being super smart, I don't know...maybe it's the same with them as it's with my people.

I still remember that speech our last elder held when his predecessor had passed away.

Let us never forget, a person is smart, but people are stupid. As such, we must never just be 'people', but a collective of 'persons'.

He encouraged each and every one of us to think and decide for themselves, instead of just following the opinions of 'the select few' blindly...unfortunately, that didn't work out all that well in the end.

I allowed myself to be led by my rage...but it was his decision to join my side that turned the tide...away from his son. Away from reason. And the people followed him.

Because a single person is smart.
But people are stupid.

"How is your leg today?" Nym asks while dropping a surprisingly sizeable piece of meat before me.

I look at the chunk and ask, "Still hurts like a...but it's slowly getting better, I guess..."
"Good. Have you practiced to walk while I was out? How far did you get?"
I point to a large stick I stuck into the snow about 20 meters away.

Nym looks at the traces and raises her eyebrow.
"There and back, huh?"
"Nym, why are you even asking me that? You can see the traces in the snow, you see the stick, so what's the point of asking me things you already know?"

Nym plops herself down next to me and explains, "It's my way to acknowledge your efforts. Imagine how you would feel if you tried so hard and I didn't even say a single word about it."
"Discouraged, I guess...but how do you know that? Personal experience?"
"...yeah...I've tried so hard to please my father...to make him proud of me. But he was so busy being the captain, he barely even acknowledged that I existed...that day, when he called me to the bridge to introduce me as his successor...I was happy. I thought all my hard work, my studies, my efforts finally paid off. That he finally was going to acknowledge me...instead of treating me as a painful memory of my late mother. But that wasn't it. He feared for my safety. He had heard...whispers of traitors among my people. Traitors, who sought to take control of the ship. Traitors, who would go to any length to get what they wanted...including taking me as a hostage."

I take a deep breath.
It's been a long time, since Nym talked about her past.
Come to think of it, there are still a lot of things I don't know about the person she was before crashing here...not that I actually made an effort to learn about it either.

Though I guess there's a lot of stuff on her plate she never got to work through, so this might be a good opportunity for her to deal with it.

After she's done talking, I ask, "So...you were supposed to be the new captain, huh? What does this 'captain' do anyway? Is he like an elder or something?"
"Elder? If you mean like a tribal elder who calls the shots...I guess it's similar. The captain is the leader of the entire ship and responsible for the integrity, safety and order on the entire ship. Heh...I was captain for like 10 minutes...and it ended up in wrecking the entire ship."

I blink a few times and finally ask, "How so? I mean...it's not like you told them to stage a revolt or something, right?"
"No, of course not, but..."

Nym sighs deeply and then tells me about the asteroid belt the scanners of the ship picked up and how she told the crew to head straight into it.

"So you see...I have only myself to blame. I...destroyed the ship," she sobs, tears dropping on the rocky ground.
"I...I'll understand if you hate me now...f-for killing...everyone..."

I take a bite from the chunk of roasted meat and ask, the bone with plenty of flesh on it still in hand, "Hold on, you said something about...'shields'?"
"Yeah...sort of like a piece of invisible armor that protects you from debris in space. They were supposed to be strong enough to repel all of the smaller ones and the larger ones we were supposed to be able to navigate through...but then..."
"Then the lights went out and the shields went with them, right?"
"Yes...they shut the ship down by disabling all the generators. They...did it to override the emergency lock my father placed on the ship."
"Then they are to blame for what happened. After all, we would have been fine, if they had not done that, right?"
"P-probably...but still, I...I made the decision to..."

I cut in, "And your father did not override it. I don't know how these kind of things worked for you, but when we made decisions for our people, it was always a number of people who needed to agree to it...because everyone can forget something or misjudge a situation and it was up to the others, to set them straight if necessary. You had just started your training and got asked to make that decision. And your father as well as everyone else present didn't object to it. As such, it was their decision as much as it was yours."

Nym wipes a tear away, smiles at me and says, "Thank you, Sirus...but you should eat. Your food is getting cold."
"...yeah, about that...what's with the feast? Got lucky on the hunt?"
Nym picks up the cue thankfully and explains, "Yeah, critter was already dying from a fight with another predator...so I just finished and bagged it for you. You shouldn't go hungry the next days."

I look at the sparse meal Nym has spread out in front of her.
"Speaking of hungry...are you sure you're eating enough yourself? No offense, but...that's hardly a 'meal'."

Nym smiles wryly and assures me that she'll be 'just fine'.
But she can't fool me that easily, she is hardly more than skin and bones these days...I sure hope that this spring thing comes around soon, otherwise she'll be too weak to do anything and slowly fade away.

I look to the stick in the snow and plan the distance I want to walk tomorrow.

I cannot allow this stupid injury to keep me down any longer.
If not for myself, then for her.