Tisis

The light in the dark (S)

It's been a few days, since the supposed contact.
Ever since then, things have changed.

Every now and then, Nym has changed.
I keep catching her staring off into space, whenever there's no immediate threat in the area.

When I asked her, she told me that she tried bringing the contact back and I stopped asking...but I can see it.
She's hurting...slowly breaking apart from the inside out.
And it's getting worse with each time she tries establishing the contact, but getting no response.

Hope's a bitch...we were doing so well, almost managed to be happy in our own, crooked way, but this feeble hope is like a poison, slowly eating away at her...and eventually it will manage what all the dangers, all the horrors of Tisis have failed to do thus far.

Nym will break.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
The only thing I've ever been good at has been taken away from me...and replaced by killing.

Once I've sown and reaped...I've given and I've taken life.
These days, I no longer give life...I only take it.
I've become death...but there are things, even I cannot kill...and this flimsy ray of hope which slowly drives my new life towards ruin is one of them.

At yet another evening, while the sun is setting, I return from my hunt.
It's been a successful one, but it feels empty.
Just another life being snuffed out, so my own life can continue a little longer.

While I carry my sizeable prey animal over my shoulders back to our little homestead, I hear sniffles coming from the cave.
They are faint and barely audible over the crackling of the fire, but I've gotten good at small noises from loud ones...a skill I obtained during countless hours lying in hiding, searching for prey.

She's crying.
Again.

This is the third time this week...but even when I asked her about it the other day, she would tell me that it's nothing, looking ashamed over her own weakness.

Ever since then, I've mostly pretended to not notice...but I did notice.
I've seen the tears yearning to escape her strong face, each time her attempts fail.
And it's breaking my heart each time I do.

Sometimes I've caught myself wanting to hug her.
To comfort her.
Sometimes I even feel the urge to hold and kiss her...and maybe even more.
It's these moments, when I really hate myself.
For my own weakness.
And for my foolishness.
For my inability to be honest with myself...and her.

It's been a few weeks now since she asked me to sleep with her.
Back then, I turned her down...telling myself, that it would change us.
Ruin what we have today.
I was afraid.
And with my fear, I've ruined it all.

I make some noise while actually entering the cave, pretending to not notice once more...but while Nym tries to put up a brave front, just like she always does, she cannot conceal them this time.

She's still sniffling and wiping off her snot and her tears.

I want to ask her, if she's alright.
Pretend that I don't know already.

But I can't.
Not this time.
I've had it...I can't take this any more.

All this 'make believe', all this 'pretend everything is alright', all this 'being strong'...I've had enough of it all.

And I've had enough of running away.

I drop my prey, not caring about the blood, that had been soaking my top and walk over to Nym, sitting down next to her.
Just for a moment, doubts cross my mind, but I push them aside.
No more running away.

I reach out to her and pull her over to me.
She picks up the cue, places herself on my lap, digs her face in the fur of my blood soaked top and cries, her tears mixing with the stench of the hunt.

So far so good...now I just need to play it cool and not get too excited, which really isn't easy, since the sobbing Nym is fidgeting on my lap, her bare skin slowly pushing away the fur separating us and...

Ping!

Ping...? The heck...?
I look up from my uncomfortably comfortable position, over Nym's shoulder and see a small, round light floating in the entrance of the cave.

I tap on Nym's shoulder, interrupting what's happening even though everything inside of me yells at me to just let it happen and ask, "Nym...I think I'm seeing things again...you know, like the one time we had those mushrooms."

Nym stops sobbing, albeit seemingly reluctant looks up at me with big and begging eyes, but finally turns around and, much to my surprise, apparently sees it too.

"...what in Garkla's graces...is that?"
"Wait, you see it too?"
"A spherical light orb floating in the entrance of our home? Yeah, I see that too. But...where in the world..."

I carefully push Nym off my lap and reach for my spear.
"Well, if it's not a hallucination, it must be some sort of animal...or something else. And that means it might be dangerous."
"Agreed...still, we should be careful...we don't know what we're dealing with."

I nod, while Nym reaches for her own weapon.

"Have you seen anything like it ever before?" I ask.
Nym thinks for a moment and then replies, "It is...reminiscent of the nav beacons we were using on the ship. They lead us in areas we were not familiar with on the ship...but you wouldn't be able to see it...not without implant."

"I've also heard voices that I shouldn't be able to hear, Nym. I've been talking to animals. Me seeing things I shouldn't be able to see? Put it on the list of things we don't understand."

I take a step towards the light, my spear at the ready, and the light jets away about ten meters and then stops again midair.

"...o...kay..."
"It...looks like it's trying to lead us somewhere...but...how can that even be? There...there is no signal...no reception...no...wait..."

Nym closes her eyes and suddenly says, "We should follow it."
"What if it's a trap? We've seen animals lay out ambushes before. What if..."
"Sirus, I can't explain this right now, but if we let this thing get away, we may not get another chance again!"

My fingers cramp around the spear, I reach for one of the torches we prepared, light it in the fireplace and reply, "Alright then, let's move."

Nym nods and we head out, following the light.
Each time we approach it, it jets away again, leading us deeper into the jungle, but never moving out of sight.

While I cut through a few vines, Nym suddenly says from next to me, "Oh and don't think I'm already done with you, Mister. Once we're done with this latest death trap, I fully intend to continue where we left off, before this impossible thing popped into our cave."

For a moment I find myself dumbstruck, but eventually I reply, "Yeah, we really should talk about what happened back then...so don't you dare die on me, got it?"
"Likewise."