Frost bite - Z.M (Book 3, Cold trilogy)

Chapter 48 - Like father, like son

This chapter feels really rushed. I'm sorry if you get that vibe :/

I'm useless at this.

I had always had some hope that I'd be a good father, the tiniest bit of hope, but holding Allison and hearing her cry over and over is almost driving me insane.

I don't know why she's crying?! Is she tired? Is she gassy? what?!

Maybe she's hungry.

I don't want to wake up Victoria though.

I rock Allison gently and sigh as her small but fairly strong lungs, scream and scream.

"Ssshh, Ally. It's okay." I murmur. "Stop crying."

Victoria walks in a moment later and yawns before grabbing her off me and sitting down on the rocking chair.

"My boobs are killing me." She murmurs before feeding the baby her breast milk.

I blink at her. So she was hungry?

How did she know?

I don't know these things. I know one thing, the mother shares a bond with the baby. What about the father?! Does he just drown in stress?!

Victoria almost falls asleep with Allison drinking from her and I sigh in relief.

I can't handle this. I need to calm down.

"I suck at this fathering stuff." I murmur.

To my surprise Victoria heard.

"No you don't."

"I do. I'm useless." I frown annoyed before walking out of the room.

I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of bourbon.

I let it pass though because drinking with a newborn in the house wouldn't be good.

I sigh frustrated and Victoria walks down with Allison in her arms.

"Zayn, you're not a useless father. This is just a big change for you. You'll get use to it after a while." Victoria reassures.

I shake my head.

"She can sense your fear. if you're scared of the baby, she'll cry. You won't hurt her or drop her." Victoria smiles, the bags under her eyes are evident and my guilt eats up inside of me.

"Here?"

"No." I shake my head before clutching onto my hair with frustration. "Yaser was right. I'm just like my birth father. I'm not responsible enough. I'm-"

"No stop!" Victoria scowls quietly.

I bury my face in my hands. "I'm trying so hard, and it just blows up in my face."

Victoria sighs. "Come in the lounge."

I follow behind as she makes her way into the lounge, she sits on the couch and lays Allison who is wrapped up in a blanket on her lap and manages to keep here there securely.

"Feel her stomach." Victoria murmurs.

I frown.

"Just do it."

I place my hand on her stomach to realise how tight it is.

"If it's fairly tight or hard, she's gassy. So she needs winding. when she's hungry, she'll start to mouth."

I frown. "How'd you know she was hungry? You weren't even in the room."

Victoria smiles. I never realised how good she looked as a mother. She suits being a Mum. "My boobs were aching."