Chapter 31 - Dreams

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I peer into the mirror at my small frame.

I poke and probe at my hollow cheeks that it haven't seen in almost two weeks. It feels strange to feel skin, not the mane that was once surrounded my mouth.

I sigh quietly as I tighten the tie, only wishing I could use it as my own rope to choke myself.

"Zayn, are you ready sweetie?" Trisha walks in, and stands beside me. "I know this is hard for you, but it's for the best." She whispers affectionately.

"I can't-"

"You can. Look at me, if you want me to go up with you I will-"

I shake my head as the lump in my throat grows. I swallow it down. But it doesn't save my eyes from revealing how I truly feel.

Empty, sad.


"Ambers coming up with me." I frown.

"Okay. Well we better get going then."

I nod as I follow behind.

My anxiety starts to lift as we come closer to the funeral home and my hands start to shake from the anticipation.

With fidgety hands, I grab my pills and shake two out into my palm and take them with some water. I look down as I try to calm myself down, but my eyes fall on my wedding band around my finger and I shake my head.

Allison begins to cry as she awakens and I grab her hand as I gaze out the window to find that we've arrived.

Everyone, everywhere is wearing black.

Getting out of the car, I take off Allison's belt and I'm greeted by Victoria.


I turn and pull her into a hug as she starts to cry into my shoulder.

I remain numb.

"It's okay."

"I miss her." She cries.

"Me too." I whisper.

From behind me, Allison continues to cry and I pull away from Victoria to grab her, only to find that she does.

"She's gotten so big." She gasps, tears still remaining to fall from her eyes.

I half smile as I close the car door and walk beside Victoria.

When I walk inside, I choose to sit far from the front as possible. In the back where no one can see me as I stare at the coffin that's ahead of me. That's the only thing I see and I close my eyes and lean my head against the seat that's in front of me.

Tears start to fall from my eyes as my mind falls back to the times when we were happy.

Every now and then I have people coming up to me, asking if I'm okay, sharing sincerity by apologising and all I want to do is go back home.

The room falls to silence and Trisha walks over to me and whispers, "You're up."

I dash whatever tears I have left dried up on my cheeks and walk down the aisle of family and friends.

I turn to Victoria and grab my daughter from her before walking up to stand in front of the coffin to stare down at Victoria.

I swallow down the lump in my throat.

My wife.

It should be me in this coffin. Not you.

Each day seems to get harder.

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