Chapter 30 - Beauitful and deadly.

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I take a deep breath as I stare down at the scissors laid out in front of me on the bathroom floor.

I cross my legs uncomfortably as I stare down at the scissors, almost hypnotised by it's illuminating trance.

I've been in the bathroom long enough to raise suspicions but I honestly couldn't give a fuck about anything but the void and emptiness eating up inside of me.

I want it to stop.

I want it to disappear.

But it won't go away.

This is my only solution.

I always used scissors. It was sharp enough to cut but only if you used enough pressure against the skin.

Blades were too easy.

It gave an affect, but anything worn over the wound, causes irritation.

I stuck to scissors during the whole time I self harmed in my teenage days. Not only did it hurt during the process, but it was enough pain to stop the void from screaming inside.

It felt like a blunt knife digging into me until it broke the skin.

I take the scissors in my hands and run my thumb along the shiny blade.


And deadly.

I drop it immediately and bury my head into my hands. I can't do this.

I can't.

I can't fall back into a hole I can never get out of again.

My only hope is Victoria.


I need sex.

The desire bubbles up in me as my desperation for sex increases inside of me.

Yes. The void motivates me, pushing me.

Sex. It was the main thing that calmed me. It helped keep all these unwanted thoughts at bay.

I stand abruptly and throw the pair of scissors away from me, causing it to mark the walls. I dress quickly and make my way out the door and into the bedroom where Mark is sitting, watching the television.

I brush past and grab the hotel card and head on out across to Victorias room.

I bang on the door.

"Victoria!" I snap.

My anger is getting the best of me.

She doesn't answer.

"Victoria open the door!"

Still no answer. I pierce my lips together in a grim line. "Please."

She doesn't answer and I scowl as I take the elevator down to the main floor. I walk back to the stone desk and the lady smiles.

"Can I have another key to the two person room. I only got one?!"


I slam my fist on the desk and she jumps, startled.

"Zayn. Malik." I say through gritted teeth. "I was here not even half an hour ago!"

She swallows down her fear and quickly retrieves a hotel key card from wherever the fuck she got it.

"Her- here you go sir." Her hand trembles and I snatch the card off her before slapping down a 100 pound bill on her desk for putting up with me.

I make my way into the elevator again and wait impatiently.

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