Pokeley - Slumptacion

[sixty-eight] saturday

"Jahseh, please explain to me again why yo ass woke me up at 7 am on a Saturday?"

"Because." He shrugged. "The mall opened at 6 and I wanna go."

I groggily slipped on my brown Crocs. "The fuck does that have to do with me?"

"I don't want to go by myself. You're good entertainment."

"I- wow. Okay." I scoffed and yawned.

"Plus, if you come with me, I'll buy you some food-"

"Food? Shit negro, that's all you had to say." I smiled and practically dragged Jahseh to the front door. He yanked his arm away when we were at the top of the stairs.

"See, it's a shame that I knew that yo tubby ass would come along if I promised you an edible reward." Jahseh snapped his fingers and poofed his ass straight to the bottom of the stairs.

"No shame in free food. And stop doing all that snappy shit. Sometimes I forget that you are what you are and I nearly go into windmill mode."

"Windmill- please remind me to sign us up for self defense classes. I keep forgetting to, and you can't keep windmilling people during fights."

I shrugged and opened the front door, motioning for him to walk out first. "It works."

Jahseh cringed. "Yeah, it works but it's embarrassing. Plus, you should know how to kick a bitches ass. You're Jahseh's boyfriend, and I'm very known for my fighting skills."

"Yeah, okay."

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As soon as we hopped off of the bus, Jahseh took a deep breath of the air and sighed.

"Remind me again to invest in a car. That bus smelled like vaginal discharge and monkey piss." Jahseh scrunched up his nose.

"I don't think I wanna know how you know what discharge and monkey piss smells like." I gagged.

"Stokeley, I'm over four hundred years old. I've seen, done, and definitely smelled some shit in my lifetime."

"How?"

"Let's just say, I don't always get reincarnated as a human after I come back from death." He shivered. "Anyways, you need to put a little more pep in your step if I'm gonna make it in time for this sale."

"Another sale? This is the fifth one this month, and it's only the 7th! Damn, do you collect coupons too?!"

"No, but I do collect souls. If you want to keep yours then I suggest you walk faster." Jahseh's eyes flickered from brown to a bright yellow.

"Okay, geez. I can't walk too fast though, my toes will start poking out of the holes of my Crocs if I do."

"Oh yeah, after I leave the sale, were stopping by a few shoe stores. I'm not about to be caught dead next to you if you're wearing those fucking Crocs ever again. You're gonna burn them shits when we get back to your house too."

"Not my Crocs! Anything but my babies!"

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"Hey, what colors do you think look better? The yellow and blue, or the orange and red?"

I sat up and repositioned myself in the uncomfortable chair in front of the dressing room. It's been four hours and this fucker still isn't done with this damn sale.

"The yellow and blue? Jah, can we leave now? My back hurts and my ass is numb."

"Now you see how I feel after sex with your hefty ass. We'll leave when I'm done." He snapped and angrily stomped back into his dressing cubicle.