Colour Storms: Shawn Mendes ✔️

56

"I don't need your help"
Bella Croft

I watched them lower the casket into the deep dug piece of land.

Jane held my hand tightly. She wiped my tears and her own. "Go on love" she lets go off my hand. I lean down picking up the dirt from the ground and I throw it over the wooden casket and then over the smaller one beside it.

"Good bye" I whisper. I move back and stay to watch  the patch of grass get put pack smoothly over the casket. I sat down at the bottom of the grass looking at the three headstones as the sun reflected off them. It was a nice day today, except it wasn't.

Rachel Belle Croft
Loving mother, wife and daughter
Always and Forever
1964-2015

Ben Rayn Croft
The perfect dad, husband and son
Always and Forever
1962-2019

Ryder Croft
The perfect son and brother
Always and Forever
2010-2019

"I'm gonna visit everyday" I sniffle. "I'll tell you story's Ryder" I let my hand graze the grass. "And dad I'll take my medicine, I promise" I wipe my tears. "And mum, I'm going to love and give myself the best"'I nod as I cry.

I put the set of red tulips on each headstone then I move back. I need colour back in my life.

"Miss porter, I'll go home on my own" I tell her. "Are you sure?" She asks. I nod and she pulls me into a hug. "Bella, I'm still here. Call me if anything happens" she wipes my tears with her thumbs then presses a kiss to my forehead then walks away.

I pat down my black dress, looking around for a second. No one was here, just me. "Bye my loves" I whisper then walk away up the path to the large black gates of the cemetery.

Maybe it was irrational but I walked home. I needed it, a few strangers offered me smiles but the muscles in my body couldn't smile back.

The walk back to the house seemed quick. I was quickly returned back to the now empty house. The gates opened, I waited till they shut then I walked up to the house unlocking the door.

Once I stepped inside, I leant back on the door and slid down to the cold floor. My head in my hands, I wasn't even crying any more, just sat with noises of pain coming out of my mouth.

I looked up seeing how empty my house was. No more Ryder running around with nerf guns. No more dad cooking in the morning. No more. I was alone.

I stood up taking my shoes and jacket off leaving them by the door. I went to the living room and with all my strength I moved one of the chairs all the way to the kitchen so I could sit down there.

My body melted into the large chair. Dads reading chair. The kitchen was still a mess, still looking all burnt and doomed.

I sat back and closed my eyes, my fists clenched shut and my nails dig into my skin.

My head swirled with colours and shapes making me wince at the pain.

-
My heart raced and I sat up quickly placing a hand on my chest. My mouth gaped open as I breathed hard. Deep breathes Bella.

I sat up wiping my damp cheeks looking around. I was still on the chair in the kitchen. My watch read that it was six pm, so I had slept for four hours. The longest I had slept since I came back from France.

Suddenly my body jumped at the sound of knocking echoing through the house. I ignored it hoping whoever it was would leave but it carried on.

I got up stretching back and legs then I slowly walked up to the door opening it.

"Oh Bella"

I get pulled into a hug. "Hi Brian" I whisper tucking my head into his shoulder. He rubs my back then let's go. "Hi guys"

I let Brian in and hug Jon. "How you holding up?" He asks. "Okay" I nod. I hug Matt then step back.

His eyes meet mine for a second but I look away walking back to my chair. They boys follow and stand around, probably not knowing what to say.

"Have you eaten?" Brian asks. "Erm I'll make something now" I get walking to the fridge. I pick up the can of cream and the box of strawberry's. I grab a knife and start cutting the strawberries.

My eyes lost focus for a second and the knife slips. "Ow" I wince holding my hand as blood dripped down my finger.

"Fuck" Shawn curses. He grabs my hand leading me to the sink. It was the first time he touched me since I was clawing at him to stay, he grabbed my hands and pushed me away.

"Get off" I move his hand. "Bella just let me help" he huffs taking my hand again.

"I don't need your help" I move his hand again.

"I've got it" Jon pulls me away and starts cleaning up my finger. Once he was done I sat back down with my strawberries and cream.

Brian sits down on the floor and the rest of the boys join him. "What are you guys doing here?" I ask them looking down at my hands. "Why wouldn't we be here" Jon says.

"I-"

A knocking at the door cuts me off. I get up going to open the door. "What- what... you guys are supposed to be in France" I stammer.

"How could we" Kendall pulls me into a hug. They all looked so gloomy and I only imagined I looked worse.

They all hug me one by one until I got to josh. "Bella, I'm so so sorry" he hugs me tightly. I hold him closer breathing in his scent. "Josh, I'm so glad your here" I whisper.

"Me too. Come on let's sit" he takes my hand. "I actually have no idea where I'm going, this place is huge" he chuckles. I lead him to the kitchen to see everyone awkwardly looking around.

Shawn shuffles as he sees me walking in with josh. I let go off his hand moving away.

"Come on hun, you need to change and shower" meg takes my hand. I nod looking down at the black dress I've had on all day.