Colour Storms: Shawn Mendes ✔️

45

"I was, I promise Shawn"
Bella Croft
Next day

Emptiness. Loneliness. Scared. Angry.

It all hit me at once. I couldn't sleep, colour storms hitting me every few hours. It was exhausting and painful.

Dad and Ryder came home and went straight to sleep. This morning they went out for last minute gifts leaving me alone with my horrible thoughts.

"Miss Croft, your phone" Frankie passes me my phone as I sat in the library on the leather chair staring at absolutely nothing. "I found it in the hallway, Olly charged it too" he tells me.

"Thanks" I mumble. "I'll leave you be, breakfast is still on the counter" the door shuts and I'm left alone again.

I couldn't decide what I was feeling. I was angry at myself for not telling Shawn, I had known in September, I had three months to tell him and I was going to tell him. I was. At dinner last night but it came up so abruptly I had no chance to save the damage I had done.

I was also hurting. He made me feel pain, I'm not sure if it was purposely done but it felt like it. He knows me, knows I'm fragile to loud noises, speed and emotions of hate. They trigger the storms and he knows.

Most of all I hated myself for this. I ruined us.

Then my mind switched. I can't have ruined us. He said he'd love me forever and I will love him. Love can't just disappear overnight-

Message from Shawn

Shawn
Meet me at the blossom tree

Me
It's cold. Come to mine

Shawn
I'll be at the tree in fifteen
minutes

Me
Okay. I love you

-
I had no effort to get ready. I just let my body walk me to the tree. Where we first met, had our first kiss, it's where I knew I loved him.

My fingers played with the bell of the necklace he gave me as I stepped on the grass.

And there he stood. Looking as handsome as ever, just effortlessly perfect. Time had slowed down, my walk to him felt like forever. The way he avoided even looking at me hurt.

"Hi"

"Hi" he mumbles. Awkward wasn't even the word. It was uncomfortable, I never felt uncomfortable with him. So I leaned into him hugging his body without thinking. My arms held him, my head on his chest, I breathed in his scent and closed my eyes.

He didn't hug me back.

My heart was clenching with pain.

I pulled back stepping away but I can't give up. This is just a bump in the road. I took his hand gulping. He didn't hold me back but I didn't let go, I felt good holding him.

This wasn't my Shawn. He wasn't even looking at me, his body was stiff and face was emotionless.

"Bella" he sighs. "Look at me Shawn, please" my voice was desperate.

"Please Shawn" I place my hand on his cheek turning him to me. His once warm green eyes were now a darker shade, bags under his eyes yet he still looked beautiful.

Then my heart made me lean up and I pressed my lips against his. It felt... weird. He wasn't kissing me back. He pushed me back and scoffed.

"You didn't tell me. You had four months to tell me Bella, fucking four months. You knew this whole time and yet you stayed with me. Betrayed me" harsh words escaping his perfect lips.

"I was going to tell you last night" my voice was quiet and scared.

He moves my hand and steps back. "Don't lie to me. You weren't" he shakes his head.

"I was, I promise Shawn" I step forward but it's like I revolted him, he stepped back.

"You're going for three months. When?"

"December 27th then I'll be back March 7th, it's such a short time Shawn. It'll go so fast, you can come visit me" I explain. I wasn't going to loose him.

"I can't Bella. I can't be with you"

"What-what do you mean?" I ask, tears already streaming down my face and I was jealous at the fact he looked fine.

"I can't be with you. Just leave and don't talk to me" his words were sharp and everything I wished to never hear from him.

"Why? We can still be together, I promise to call you every night, text you everyday, I'll even- I'll pay for your ticket to come see me. We can't just break up because of this, it's-it's stupid and I love you and you- you love me. You can't do this Shawn" I sob.

"I can" he shoves my hands off him. "Tell me why?" I beg.

"I don't love you"

He doesn't love me.

"What-what do you mean?" I tug his jacket.

"I don't love you Bella" he says again. I clench my eyes shut. He moves me away and immediately I open them again to see him walking away.

"Stop" I yell. "Shawn! Please!" I run up to him and grab his upper arm tugging him back, crying and letting out loud sobs.

"Fucking stop Bella!" He pushes me back. "No! You can't say that. You love me, you told me you do everyday-"

"I don't. You lied and manipulated me. So let go off me. Go to fucking France and have a good time" he spits.

I wipe my eyes going closer to him to hold his jacket in my fists. "Stop" I tell him.

"I don't love you"

"Stop it!"

"Leave me alone Bella"

"Shawn stop!" I yell. I bang my fists against his chest, my vision getting blurred due to my tears. He takes my wrists and shoves me back.

I fall to my knees weeping. "You-you can't leave me Shawn!" I sob. "I love you, I love you Shawn. Don't go!" My crying getting louder.

"Wait!" With all my effort I get up, I run ahead of him then rip my necklace off. I throw it at him gulping. "You gave up so easily" I mumble. "I love you and you're tearing us apart. Tell me the truth Shawn, do you love me?" I ask placing my hand on his cold cheek.

He meets me eyes and with no hesitation says "I never loved you" cold and emotionless. The same boy who made me feel like I was floating had just dragged me to the ground and cut off my wings.

Then he left. He left unaffected by what just happened.

He left me to mourn our relationship.