Chances Of Truth ☑️

34

I have been awake for a while now. I have been staring him, studying every single detail of his face.
His red lips, his four o'clock shade, his mole which was just edge of left side of his nose. His thick lashes. His brows, above his right brow there is a cut mark, its not that visible but from this close I can even count those eyelashes.
Then my eyes fell on his forehead where I traced my finger thousand times.
I pushed his hairs back and traced it again. I moved my face closer to the scar and pressed my lips softly.
He stir, which made me to pause, I waited for his steady breathing and pushed my body out of bed wrapping covers on my naked body.
I blushed thinking about last night incident but shook it away as soon as it came.

I can't risk to drag Noah in my mess he already had enough to deal with his past incidents for life time. I can't add my problems into the list, I can't loose him. I love him too much to let him jump into my mess.

I took shower and dressed in bathroom. I took my hair brush, lipstick and shoved it in my bag as I decided to get ready later.

I don't want him to wake up because I won't be able to control my feelings. It's taking too much of my self control to not lay down in his arms.

I couldn't help but gave him one soft peck on his lips, I slowly walked out of room and closed the door behind me.

When I arrived to my office building I immediately entered to washroom to get my self ready. After brushing my hair I kept it down. Then applied red lipstick.
I put everything inside bag and head to coffee machine.

As I press the button, the glass door burst open and Noah looked at me with flushed cheeks, his hands were in tight fist. Ignoring him I put my attention on coffee machine. Not wanting to look up I started to play with my thumbs.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked.

Shrugging my shoulder I added more coffee powder. "If you don't want coffee that's fine. But I need one in my system to function."

"I am not talking about coffee dammit." He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"look at me Eva." I didn't

"Today morning when I woke up I was expecting you there wrapped around my body. I wanted to wake first then wake you up showering kisses all over you body. But guess what, you were long gone. You left me there in bed alone feeling like shit." he kicked something in frustration.

I jumped not expecting him to be this mad.

"Why are you fighting this?" he asked pulling me towards his chest.

"I am not fighting anything Noah." I said shoving him back.

"Then why did you let me kiss you last night, then why did you let me undress you and kiss every inch of your body." he whisper in my ears. His warm breath fanning my ears.

"I kissed you because I felt bad for you." I lied

"You are lying."

"Am not."

"Then look at me in eyes and say those words." he turned me face him.

"It was act of sympathy Noah, that's it. I was feeling sorry for you." I lied looking straight in his eyes, clenching my fist as tight as I could.

"I don't want your sympathy, I want you to love me. Not to feel sorry for me dammit!!!" He shouted holding my shoulders tight.

I removed his hands from my shoulders and took a step back. "I don't love you Noah."

Please just don't make this hard on me. It's killing me to walk away from you don't make it more hard. I pray in my mind.

He took a step towards me, when he saw me taking a step back he took on back too.

"Eva, why are you so afraid to fall?, I will always be there to catch you. Please let me in, please let me love you. Please give me a chance. Please trust me once, please?" he whisper coming close to me. His eyes were shining with love and care but they also have fear of loosing me. This is the first time I saw him this vulnerable.

I closed my eyes not wanting to accept anything which may cause any damage in his life.

He took my face in his hands. "Eva you can tell me anything. Is something stopping you?, are you afraid I wont understand? I promise you, I'll listen to each and everything, I promise I will not walk away ever, I promise I will make everything okay. Just trust me." his thumbs are brushing my cheeks so gently and lightly. I want to lean in his touch and kiss his hands.

Dont make this hard for me Noah, don't make me to fall for you more, please Noah just hate me please. I don't want you hurt. I am doing this for you and everyone's safety.
Please don't ask me to love you, because you deserve much more better then someone with tickling bomb which can explode any second.
I clenched my eyes tight to stop unshed tears to fall, I clenched my hands in tight fist to stop my self from touching him.

I opend my eyes to find him looking at me.

"Hey Eva, you know you can trust me, right? "
He asked me again cupping my cheeks, I can't let him continue this. It had to stop now or it would be too late. I can't risk everyone's life specially his. If hurting him means saving his life I would do it without thinking. Again and again.

"Eva are you even listening to me?"
Noah asked moving his face closer.
From this close I can even see the scar which he told me about, its just below the border line of his hair, it can be easily conceal but from this close its more real.
His eyes, they are magical. I would love to look at them all the time and never get tired of looking at in them.

No, I cannot do this to him, I can't be selfish, I have to do something this time.

"No" I answer and walked away from him.