Frost bite - Z.M (Book 3, Cold trilogy)

Chapter 18 - Remember.

But once my down days come, my shield is down and I'm vulnerable as fuck. Anything sets me off, anything sets me down.

I'm a mess.

It's like every thing that I pushed away has suddenly toppled over me like an unexpected tsunami and I'm demanding Ella for a session.

Most of the time I walk out a new man. Other times, I walk out of this room confused.

"And there's your problem." I raise my eyebrow at her accusation. "You need to express yourself. Open yourself up more."

"You know I can't do that." I shake my head. I'm not an open person. "I wouldn't be able to control my anger if I 'open up'.

"Give it a try."

I shake my head again. "I'm angry at her, but as much as I want to be angry at her, I can't be angry at her."

"Why is it that you think that?" Ella questions.

I shrug. "She was insecure and worried. From the begging since Kayla walked in, Victoria had a gut feeling something bad was going to happen between Kayla and I. She kissed me. I wanted nothing but to talk because she was in tears." I shake my head and bury my face in my hands in frustration.

"Talk to me, Zayn." Ella probes.

For fucks sake, I'm getting there.

"I'm still not use to relationships." I confess. "I can't see it through her point of view, or yours or anyone's. I mean, I get it. But, it just doesn't feel any different to a dom and sub relationship."

"So why don't you look it at that way?"

I frown. "Because it's not a relationship to Victoria. It's some fucked up lifestyle that she will never understand."

"Maybe you can try and explain it to her."

"I have! Countless of times, but she never understood."

She nods. "I want you to put yourself in Victorias shoes, no arguing. Close your eyes."

"No."

She half smiles. "Or not."

The corner of my lip twitches into somewhat of a smile.

"So just imagine for me, Victoria."

Easy. I smirk.

"And there's another guy. Tall, handsome, blue eyed and dark haired. Fairly tanned-"

I frown. "Okay!" I say exasperated.

"Both of you are at a bar, and you've just found out that he is Victorias ex. The whole time they're talking while you are ordering drinks at the bar."

I swallow.

"Things get a little too touchy between the two. The next day you find out he kissed Victoria-"

"What are you trying to prove?!" My blood boils.

"That anger inside of you?" Ella speaks. "Jealousy." She explains.

"So what?!"

"Now you know how Victoria feels. How does it make you feel."

"Annoyed."

"And?"

I pierce my lips together. I see where she's coming from. If I ever saw Victoria, and I remember her saying this, talking to her ex, I would see red. I'd be furious.

First off, that ex, will be lying in it's grave before it even thinks to lay a hand on her.

But it takes two people to let it get that far, even if it wasn't intended.