Never • The Lost Daughter | A Draco Malfoy Love Story

Chapter 49 - Kinda Depressed

Every morning I tried seeing any vision of my future. Every day I was closer to nothing.

I saw little point in anything I did. Even if my visions where false and I survived Christmas the way the Order promised me would, I would eventually have to make a choice. If I became a true Death Eater, I would let down so many people, including Sirius, Remus, the Order and my own mother's memory. If I became a spy I would ruin every plan the Order had for me, at a time that they needed me and my influence over people. But if my choice was in the Order, I would lose Draco forever.

Either way, I was doomed. Practically dead.

"I was waiting for you last night," Draco whispered in my ear during lunch.

He was trying to act casual, cool, so as to not draw any eyes towards us.

"I'm so sorry. I fell asleep..." I said.

It was inevitable that my body would soon break down and demand the sleep that it was losing. I felt like I had been awake for the last two months. Falling asleep was getting harder and harder. Last night was one of the only ones that I could finally get some shut eyes.

"I was waiting all night..." he said. I looked at him and I saw how it did seem like he hadn't slept at all. "You know it's about time you started coming to the Astronomy Tower again. Now that your guardians don't follow you around wherever you go maybe we can spend a bit more time together again."

"I'm sorry, Draco," I said slowly. "I was very tired."

"You're tired for a month now..." he said, more worried than angry. "What is going on? What's up with you these days?"

I had decided that I was causing him more harm than good. If I followed my heart and met him every night while not actually be together, I was only prolonging the pain. If I decided I wanted him back fully, I only ended up seeing in the future and knowing that it would be over when I followed the Order.

The truth is, I preferred suffering without him than making his life miserable. 

He couldn't see it now, but by not showing up at the Astronomy Tower, I was doing him the favour of hating me. Maybe this way it would be easier to forget me after the war broke us up.

Keeping myself away from him was painful.

Draco didn't seem convinced. From the corner of my eyes, I could see him looking at me with two dark eyes more worried than ever.

"Annie..." The nickname Draco would bring up when the times were hardest. It hit an emotional chord in me and the bastard knew it. 

I had made plans and plan to stop meeting him, to stop hurting us. And then he would look at me with those grey and blue-sky eyes and I would melt and want to vanish in his arms. I would be back at square one.

"Tell me what's wrong."

I had fallen apart. I had been brought down. Back in these days waking up, walking and even sitting was too tiring. Everything was painful.

There was a constant headache that was always leaving me with a spinning and dizzy head. I was eating less and less every day, probably puking half of the things that went inside my body. I was anxious all the time, I was tired all the time. Crying most of the time when I was alone and no one could see me.

"I'm fine."

"I'm starting to worry about you, Anne. And you've lost so much weight, you are barely even touching your food," he said and looked at my untouched plate.

"I'm fine," I forced a smile.

"Is there something I should know? Something you aren't telling me?"