Soul not Included

Chapter 126

We hurt.

It was the only thing that really went through our mind. The pain usually goes away after a few seconds but that doesn't change the fact that for the first few seconds we feel every inch of the initial injury. We remember the feel of our legs being torn off. The sensation of being ripped apart like whole roasted chicken. Skin being pulled and meat being torn and bones being broken.

Part of us died. 

That pain didn't help. Our body not only hurt. Now it was feeling the repercussions of things that we didn't understand. It  was like being stabbed all over our body and the pain was continuous. The pain never ebbed away. And with all that pain the pain that hurt the most was his sorrow. His loneliness. His fear.

He didn't want to die. We didn't want to die.

Augustus carries the weight of the emotions of the group. The emotions we could not carry. The emotions that subdues our logic and leaves us both a mess... that was the worst pain we couldn't bare. But it wasn't just ours but it was Augie's emotional pain that wounded us the most. The pain we thought we understood but didn't really. There was so much he felt and never expressed, we can only imagine he kept quiet because he didn't want to add more problems onto everyones already overflowing pot of shit.

... he truly didn't deserve any of the shit that he was pulled into.

It was so much going on inside of us that we didn't even realize we had been kneeling down in one spot for so long. Our head just snapped to attention once we felt a familiar sensation forming around us... no, not familiar to us. Familiar to Augie.

The light that formed beneath us, it was the last thing Augie saw before he was decapitated. We shuddered at the thought of that happening to us again. 

Everything felt so blurry. Events happening too fast and thoughts running in two different ways within us. The way we knew we would act upon, which we convince ourself was our own thoughts and feelings, and the way that told us to run, which we admit was probably the best option all things considered but was most definitely not our thoughts, we think, because if we ran at that moment, who's to say that everyone that would stay behind wouldn't die. No, we needed to stay to make sure everyone gets out of danger safely. That's our role.

To do that, we needed to free the Cullens.

Who was it that told us they were pinned? Was that even mentioned to us?

The pain had subsided. It had gone quiet inside. When Augie said we would become one with Simon, we thought he meant it in the way that we would still be alive somehow. Like our hearts and voice would still be there and we just wouldn't have a physical body. You know, like some form of magic.

It didn't feel like that at all. We know we had thoughts, of decisions we wouldn't take running through our head, those must belong to Augie but it wasn't like... in his voice or anything. It was just a feeling... maybe, just us hoping that it was him and not our own cowardly tendencies creeping up at the wrong times, as it does.

Instead, we try to gather more helpful thoughts...

Like, knowledge on magic that we know isn't ours. Like... how to dispel magic but it was so hard to concentrate. Even harder to get it done. It was like a force was there to prevent us from doing it but we couldn't not do it. We couldn't not help.

We find life tormenting. Everyday is a struggle. We wake up, not knowing if the day is going to be shitty or might give us hope that things would be better or if it would just stay blah the entire day through, which later on brings upon the question of 'why are we alive?' 'What's the point in living?' And all of those existential questions people have.