Soul not Included

Chapter 109

Hunting nearby meant that Carlisle would officially be back later today or tomorrow. Which worked well for me for now. The idea of him being nearby was enough to keep the unreasonable panic of him leaving at bay. I knew he would return and if by chance he didn't, his hello has only been for a few minutes... i could eventually start treating it all like  some sort of dream.

I shouldn't have vented first thing. There should have been more of a casual hello. A catching up that had none of my problems mixed in.

Simon didn't seem to care though. There was a sense of ease, that i felt within Simon the moment Carlisle left through those doors. 

Then there was the feasting.

Simon abused the fact that everyone was gone to gorge himself. The pain of it all was dulled and replaced with absolute pleasure. He made sure of that. As a joke he said he could kill me at that moment and I wouldn't notice because all I felt was good. I would have to agree with him that I'd probably enjoy that. A death that I wouldn't have to deal with would be great. 

"Will you tell me what happened now?" I asked through slur words. The painless feeding didn't cover up the quick blood loss.

He licked his lips and frowned a little. Licking at the injury until it closed, he laid beside me and pulled me into a hug. I understood. He didn't want to speak but I really wanted to know. So i poked at his arm that he had draped around me until he sighed.

"There was a day, when the Cullens found us," he began. Voice low. Reluctant. "... it made me angry."

"Why?"

"They weren't supposed to be there."

I had nothing to say. We both knew why they were there. I sent them. I needed them to go find everyone. I was desperate. I was scared. They just wanted to alleviate my fears and anguish.

Simon shared a look with me. "Ye of little faith," he murmured. "... I entrusted you to them. I entrusted you twice to them. Be happy, i said. You try to kill yourself the first time and you isolate yourself the next... both times, they were supposed to be there for you. Both times they leave you. They let go. They just accept things as they are... and then they have the audacity to claim love. That's the base of my disgust towards the Cullens."

"And the rest?"

"You're going to fall asleep soon."

"I'm not tired."

"Blood loss."

"You won't talk later."

"I will. I promise. Sleep now."

Theo was sitting in the room when I awoke. Simon, dead asleep and unwilling to awaken i bet, so i didn't bother to wake him. It wouldn't do anyone any good if he kept staying up during the morning in any case. The longer he fought the urge to sleep during the day the more he desires to feed and I can't feed him every time he desires my blood over animals.

Theo hadn't looked up from his book. I wiped away the sleep from my eyes and sat up groggily. Five in the morning. Dorian has yet to return. I didn't think he'd stay the night at his dads.

"You don't seem as happy as I thought you'd be," Theo said, startling me out of my thoughts. "Again."

He said that accusingly. Like it bothered him but the look on his face didn't seem bothered at all... and it seems everyone will be having a say about my character... i guess, that's alright. There's a lot of flaws in my character that they could pick at. I understood where Simon is coming from when he attacked my desires or my lack of, he was venting to me about how I was forcing him to feel and hearing my own feelings come out of his mouth really got to me. Augie is having fun analyzing me and he hasn't gone far out of the way other than to offer what his opinion of my feelings are to him... but Theo isn't much to press about these matters. He doesn't care about things like this.