Soul not Included

Chapter 122

I should have been more worried.

Or at least, i think i should have been more worried. I'm not particularly sure. The first time in my life that i ever made such a huge move like this i felt like a ball and chain was attached to my chest. I had to drag that weight with me as I escaped my family. All of the what ifs and shit I'd have to face from them ran through my head every second.i prepared myself for everything and anything. If my father said this. If sister did that. If i got a call from one or the other. If my mother suddenly appeared to tell me I shouldn't leave. No matter how little the possibility or how ridiculous, i thought of it all. I thought about it until my head ached. Ached to the point where it felt like my brain was pressing against my eyeballs. Ached until the pain extended down to my neck and shoulders.  I don't think I'm smart or clever in anyway but if anything I try to be thorough. I try to make sure all my bases are covered.

That's not like today.

If I think hard on it, this moment was probably the best chance for us to do anything about our dilemma just like Oliver said but I didn't linger hard to try to find any faults in his plan beyond the two possibility he gave me.

I should have stressed about it more.

Fred is on his way. Probably will be here in two days time.

We've contacted some friends on the outside to come our way. Their arrival date still unknown. There has to be a plan ready for when the arrive and if they arrive. We have done none of that. It's not like me to just leave those possibilities unplanned for.

In addition, we've only just decided to train those that needed to be trained. No one has been told about what we're doing so how can we reason that they would be able to react fast enough to a sudden possible assault from the enemy? Everyone one aren't in a condition to fight. Lack of preparation. Lack on information. Lack of communication. Why did I just agree without bring this up to Oliver? Do i possible trust that he'd handle it and left it as that.

Fred and our contacts could potentially be arriving into a war zone and if not a war zone they would definitely be running into the enemy forces that surround Volterra. Maybe we could have Simon and Demetri greet them at the boarder and help them through but that would require some way to communicate with them and Simon hadn't taken his phone. I distinctly remember seeing it on the corner of our bed. Does Demetri have a phone i don't know about? Can Oliver communicate with them using other means? Is this okay?

Because we weren't supposed to be doing this, i thought. Oliver and I are currently moving without anyone's say.

Simon gave Oliver permission to do as he saw fit with me in this way but it wasn't supposed to be an immediate decision. This was just Simon's way of saying he agreed that I couldn't stay here and he'd support me being taken back to Forks but not that he wanted me booted in less than half a day. 

Ah ah ah.

I hate this. Why hadn't i brought it up? All these issues. Should I go back down before going through with this? Or will that take too long. I could argue with Oliver all i want but he's already preparing to make the magical burst. It was probably better not to bother him. I missed my timing. 

The position of three thrones meant the decision had to be made between all of us. Already the lack of communication and one sided decision making was ridiculous. How could Oliver even imagine this would work out.  We were leaving out Demetri and his opinions off the table was enough red flags that logically i knew that perhaps we should wait.

You know. Just in case.

Yet, I didn't think that I should cancel the plans. Why? Why?

I have my fucking guess as to why. I listened to his demand. It wasn't that it didn't work. It worked well but it didn't feel like how Augie feels towards it at all. Augie says it felt like being forced to do something. I didn't feel forced in this regard. Why? What made this situation different? Is it just the difference in our personalities? A good example is Augie hates doing things for others in general. So he hates any and every requests he receives without his permission. Whereas Simon actually likes doing things for others as long as the request comes from strangers (where he doesn't have a personal bias towards) or people he likes. Then... is Augie right to say that me being a people pleaser going to contribute heavily on my reaction or lack of on granting commands and wishes?