Soul not Included

Chapter 31: Eclipse

There was something dreadful about having graduation approach so quickly. I wished i had someone to talk to about this. About the Curse on house Cecil. End of the year drama was sure to come. I never had a peaceful graduation day my entire life. All of them fresh in my mind.

Fifth grade graduation. Ten year old Marina: suspended and uninvited to the school gathering. All certificates shipped to the house i lived in at the time and the day to celebrate my success was glossed over and ignored by my sisters graduation from middle school and my brothers first girlfriend. The negligence wasn't new. It just made me hungrier for attention.

Thus, a monster is born.

Eight grade graduation. Thirteen year old Marina: Suspended for the last three months of school and not allowed, on behest of the school staff, to attend the graduation festivities to walk the stage and get my diploma. Forced to therapy, that didn't go as planned, and grounded in such a way that it made Charlie's punishment feel like having a piece of cake.

-no TV

-no music

-no phone calls

-no friends

-no video games

-no going outside unless with a family member

-my possessions thrown out and mandatory praying every night.

If i took anything from it. I valued my solitude. I valued my books, my writing and my art all the more. I didn't need the rest to live my life. And any punishment i would receive afterwards pale in this hell that I had to go through. A good four month punishment.

Monster now tamed. 

Twelve grade graduation. Seventeen year old Marina. Didn't graduation. On the beginning of the last year of school everyone that I ever held dear, everyone that i ever fought for, everyone that had become a necessary part of my existence had joined under one banner. The banner of hating Marina Cecil with such a passion that the entire student body came to know of every little intimate details of my life and no friend was left to defend me. 

Lessons learned. To prevent blackmail, you tell on yourself first. To prevent heartache, you cast your heart aside. To reduce the bullying, you pretend it doesn't bother you. To have a peaceful end of the year, you become cruel. You make your enemies understand that you see more and know more about them that they would beg you not to spread it around school like they have been doing to you. And they beg. And they scream. And they hate. And you smile and remain polite because if things go wrong and the staff gets involved you need to make sure at least the teachers like you.

A monster is reborn.

I opened the window to my room and kneeled. The memory of graduations causing fear within me. I wonder if the curse is broken because I'm Bella. I'm hoping it would be. I made sure to play nice. Made sure to not cause misunderstandings. Made sure to apologize for any tiny thing that may or may not have caused problems. And made sure to tell everyone that I'm not mentally sound so they'd have something to blame if i did anything they didn't like. Cover my bases for a peaceful graduation experience. 

The only human experience i care about.

I pray.

"Querido Dios, todo poderoso. Concedeme un valor tenaz y encantador mientras atravesare este dia. Cuando me sienta tentado a rendirme, ayudame a seguir adelante. Concedeme un espiritu alegre cuando las cosas no salgan como quiero. Y dame valor para hacer lo que sea necesario. Dame fuerza en mi debilidad. Dame fe en mi miedo. Dame poder en mi impotencia. Todo esto  te lo pido bajo la guia de tu amado hijo, Jesus Cristo, Amen."