Soul not Included

Chapter 97

Charlie and I spent a lot of our time during vacation either going fishing with his friends or chilling at my studio. He would sit around the TV while I will be working on my cosplay and Glenn didn't come with me to expo but Sue decided that she could. So she took a week off of work and we had packed up in the beginning of expo week leaving two days early to settle in and rest. Taking her over to a Korean BBQ for that first day. As one of my favorite places to go, I recommended the red wine pork belly and we got around as to wondering if we could figure out how to make the sauces or where to buy them. 

I won the award for Best walk in for the Masquerade as Queen Esther from Trinity Blood and most of the other times we spent mostly taking pictures of me. I was stopped a few times and barely had time to enjoy artist ally. I expressed to Sue that one day I would like to have a stall there. She was encouraging about it but currently all my time went to sewing and I didn't find much time to do anything else.

My internet presence was growing, mostly being known for cosplaying. After expo, i stopped making clothes. I got tired and I went straight to reading. Buying my books. Getting subscription to get books every month with exclusive items. I had to shift the rooms again. Ed had a smaller room so I changed all of my clothes over to his room and made that my closet and bought shelves that didn't fit in Carlisle's study into Rose's and Em's room and turned that into my own library. 

Dorian and I went to Seattle multiple times to the boxing gym. He became an official member. His dad approved and drove him there on days that i didn't go with him. We did that every once in a while.

I went to go visit Justice too. I guess, I decided to see him the moment Leah mentioned wanting to go to Italy. I had called Edward to demand an update. He answered and stayed on the phone with me for a long time but he didn't have the answers i was looking for and if he did... he didn't share them with me. So I went to Justice. I don't know. Maybe I thought, being Oliver's cousin, he would give me some answers I was looking for. An understanding to what Oliver could be doing. Charlie went with me. Apparently he sometimes showed up just to hang out. See if they needed help or anything.

Justice was in his element at home. Calm and less prickly. We talked a bit about Oliver. I was hoping to see those trophies but apparently after the death of Ollie they took down all of his things. Trophies, medals, certificates, pictures... just gone. The absence of them made things unbearable for Justice. He held on to a purple cardigan like his life depended on it. 

Justice and I played games for hours. Nothing profound came from our interactions. We were just killing time in each other's company. My guilt and his depression mixing together as one and we wallowed in it. Sinking into ourselves and each other... but there. Together. 

I gave him a sketch I made of Oliver. I don't know what he was thinking when I gave it to him. I didn't even try to register his expression. I just didn't want him to be lonely. I didn't want to feel the guilt even if I know I would continuously force myself to feel it regardless. 

The pack came over sometimes. Charlie and Sue got married. Slowly they were bringing him into the fold and since our talk of vampires and werewolves he was accepting it. He still flinched and seemed upset by it but he knew and he wasn't looking away anymore. Eventually, Charlie and Sue would have a kid and I will begin to wonder where my place in the family would be. 

I felt myself as an extra appendage. If Charlie was the heart that connected me to everyone. Without him I got nothing. 

I know it's a ridiculous thought. Since I know I have the pack and the Cullens. Alistair even visited me at one point. I have people. I know. It was just... I don't know why I'm so opposed to being happy. It's like I'm allergic to it. Afraid of it. Whenever joy reaches it's peak is when the fear of a sheer drop come creeping. And it did come.