Soul not Included

Chapter 26

We were met with the Cullen family outside the plane. Jasper was the first. His eyes glossing over me and Edward. I let go of Alice's hand so she can make her way over to him. Both of them sharing such an intimate loving gaze that i couldn't bare too keep looking at them. Then i saw Carlisle and Esme. I let go of Edwards hand despite him not wanting that to happen.

"Go to them." I whispered, "i want to take a while to myself."

He frowned and gave me a slight nod, walking over to his family that embraced him. I watched it all unfold. I kept my face set on my perfected bored expression but i couldn't control my insides from revolting in it's anguish. It's confusion. It's sorrow. 

I felt a push of calm try to edge its way into the chaos so I turned to Jasper who had come close to me, Alice with him. He didn't have to say anything but he did. Jasper and I wasn't particularly close. That would be the same whether this was the same universe or a new one. 

but he pushed back a strand of my hair that i allowed to fall over my eyes. His cold fingers lightly grazing my skin, "Izzy?" He whispered. 

My lips tightened into a straight line. My eyes immediately watered again. I gave him a sharp nod. Without an invitation Jasper embraced me and Alice didn't stay out of it either.

"H-how—" I choked out the word.

He inhaled sharply, "your emotions are unlike anything i have ever felt before. Always too much and not enough at the same time." He explained, "there is no way i wouldn't have known. It's unbearable."

"I'm sorry." I whispered through a sob but buried myself for a moment in his embrace and took a deep breathe. No crying. I don't have the energy for it. I composed myself and pulled myself away from him. "I'll try better not to be a burden to you."

He chuckled, "... Iz, you were never a burden. I just wish to help. May I?" I gave him another nod. "Don't push me out okay?" He said.

I let the calm run over the chaos. The sudden shift of moods made my body feel like i had to defend myself more than relaxed. Alice made reassuring shushing sounds her hand rubbing my back and i tried to assist by breathing slowly. Jasper frowned but kept trying. 

When the calm settled, a true calm, i was scared by how light i felt. The problems were still there but the calm was all that was left and that was terrifying. And as the fear slipped in it left again. That was a continuous process.

He shook his head, "i don't know how you do it. you always make this difficult. Why does it scare you so much to be relaxed?"

I had no answer. Alice took my hand and Jasper's. We walked to the rest of the family. Esme brought me to her embrace immediately. A mother's hug so warm despite her cold skin. I couldn't bring myself to return her embrace.

"Thank you so much." She said.

Carlisle set a hand on my shoulder when she let go, "thank you Bella. We owe you."

Jasper looked at everyone and then at me. Edward hadn't said anything but I'm sure he knew. Having read their minds. Whatever happened in those nine months wasn't me. 

"I didn't do anything." I said. Because it's the truth. I would never have forced a reason on Edward to leave. That would have been his decision because it was the right thing to do. Because he didn't need to stay with me. Not because I would have died by his families hand.

And i wouldn't have ever jumped off a cliff to make him think I'd kill myself.  I would never have done any of this. So there would never have been a reason for Edward to go try to kill himself.