Soul not Included

Chapter 24

Edward's POV

Since the first moment I met her. I hated her with a passion. Who was she to make me nearly break years of careful control. How dare she smell so good to me. She didn't even have a clue of how close she was to dying. How hard she made things for me.

And yet, 

She greeted me first thing as if she wasn't shocked or scared about my anger towards her the first day. She was very out going. Definitely not the first impression i got from her that first day. Perhaps my impression of her was clouded by how much i wanted to kill her. 

She left first of course. That felt like a slap in the face. I wasn't done talking to her but perhaps it's for the better but the more i would listen to the voices around her the more i got confused and curious. She's polite and caring one second. Then sarcastic and somewhat rude in other moments. Then she was sullen and annoyed the next. I wish I understood why her moods switched so constantly. What was she thinking about? What troubled her so? What made her laugh?

I think what bothered me more was that she never liked to talk about me when the others would mention it. It was for the best i told myself. If she wasn't interested then it would be easier to stay away. But sometimes when i look i would catch her gaze in passing. She never lingered long but it was long enough notice some hint of hesitation. 

She's smart then. She knows something is wrong with me.

For some reason that was upsetting and a relief but she would still talk to me in class. It was hard at first and got easier as time went. She didn't ask anything too difficult but some of her comments sent jolts of fear. She meant it all as a joke, a passing whimsical ridiculous thought. And she didn't even notice when i would slip up. 

I remember the day i told her that perhaps we shouldn't be friends. That she should stay away. It was hard to bring myself to say that to her. Talking to her felt so easy. So right somehow but i knew how wrong it was to feel that way. Alice kept seeing her life come to a tragic end because of me and i couldn't bare it if it were to happen.

I didn't know it would hurt so much when she accepted it. For that month i tried my hardest in watching over her in the thoughts of those around her. She loved her father. She was insisting in getting out of high school. I didn't understand why she wanted to rush out so bad. 

There was a change in her when she met her new friends. I didn't recognize them although i think I passed them on occasion in the hallway. They weren't in her classes. Nor where they in her friend group. But after meeting them she became a bit more aggressive in her sarcasm. A passing thought of Erik Yorkie made it clear that her sarcasm was coming on so thick that her sincerity has started being questioned. 

It made sense when i started paying attention to her new friends. Their heads were full of nonsense of my family. Comments on our beauty, day dreams of dates or a conversation, or a glance. Or the most offensive: sex with me. I tried not to dig in their minds so much and focused on their conversation. They were all a little vulgar, a bit aggressive, a bit too wrong for her. But she blend in like she had always belonged and she laughed with them much more than she laughed with her first friends.

Her continuous close ness to these new friends forced my hand. I needed to talk to her. I couldn't just stay away. I couldn't just not say hi. Sitting in Biology where she wouldn't even look my way... she made ignoring me look so easy and there I was struggling. How is that fair!

I spoke with her again. To my surprise she wasn't upset. Wasn't exactly excited either. Was she not thinking about me at all? She looked tired. Still i talked to her. Her voice is gentle even if her words were sharp.