My diary 2

31.10.22⚰️💐🎃

i had a dream about me in bermuda with sandra, at night time with all of her friends surrounding us while we were sat on a bench

anyway i woke up, had my first ever macdonalds which was disappointing. the bacon roll was complete shit but the breakfast roll was somewhat better i suppose

i hastily washed my hair and shaved, dressed for the funeral and caught the bus to my grandmas house. we stayed there for an hour, playing with the dog. my grandma also showed me her new downstairs bathroom! it's very fancy. modern
when the time came, me, my mum and my grandparents all walked up to brian's house, my grandads brother who's funeral we are going to, to see where the funeral would start off from. we arrived first but at the same time as one of my aunties, my grandads sisters grand daughter

we walked towards the house and we could see melanie through the gate in the garden
though my grandad spotted the neighbour and went off on a conversation. anyway we walked down the side alley and i saw my auntie melanie for the first time! seeming as she lives in boston
she's very nice, smiley but slow with her words. i do suppose she has just lost her father though
i went into the house after my other auntie and stood behind the sofa. behind us auntie ruby came in. possibly my favourite auntie and sat down on the sofa. some random other people came into the small room too but some left when it was too crowded

it was very quiet at one point with just my side of the family in the room and melanie. she went through some cards and i could see her crying. she said
'what a sad day'
after a while i asked about dylan in america, her son who i've also never met and she said that we are around the same height
then we spoke about the garden and how it's becoming overgrown. i shared a memory with her about bryan when we used to use the binoculars to see out in the garden to look at birds. she asked how close i was to brian, i assume to see whether i was looking after him here. i said that i visited sometimes with my grandad
and said that i could do some garden work for her there when she needed

when it was time to go we all went down the alley and outside to the driveway. there was the funeral car and lots of people standing around
i immediately recognised an auntie who had added me on facebook but my mum always told me to delete her. hmmm
i know there has been family drama around something but i've never been told
i was introduced to some family members but i really don't remember who they were
there were also two lads there, maybe my age but taller and much smarter looking. i saw family i never knew existed
the auntie that arrived at the same time as us, then took me and my mum to the funeral while my grandparents went in the funeral car
in the car we were all trying to figure out who was who outside lol. also that auntie in the car had her husband with her too who was funny

we got to the funeral, walked along this pathway and waited outside for a while. to say it was a funeral we were all smiling and laughing about stuff
but eventually when the funeral car arrived they took the mini ash coffin, and everyone got out the funeral car and walked in after them
me and my mum sat on the third row back from the front
there was a lot of standing and sitting as hymns and songs were sang. as i think 'abide with me' was sang i looked through the pictures of the small programme you get from funerals. i saw an old picture of brian with his hair smart when he was a young man. i imagined him and my grandad being like that and i started to tear up
i never stand up straight and still with both legs on the ground. my left leg was fine but my right one got really stiff and i felt as if i could collapse on it almost. idk if it's maybe because i lean on my left leg but i know that's why i always slouch to one side now when standing. i try to avoid it though as it looks very feminine

when the ceremony had ended, everybody started to walk out. i saw my grandad crying he left and seeming as i'd never seen him cry before it struck me
they touched the coffin on the way out too, i suppose as a final goodbye
when we got outside i was crying as i shook the man that did the ceremony's hand
i was given a tissue and hugged my grandma as she came out. she told me to go after my grandad who had gone to the toilet on his own
so i went after him, waiting outside the door for a while. i gathered myself in that time
when he came out he seemed completely fine, even smiling. he's always smiling. it's so rare you don't see him smiling and today to see him cry was a first
we walked back to everyone else where i was introduced to a Mr Henshaw who was a very posh sounding man with a son who had a deformed hand i was later told. good job i didn't shake his hand as id shook his dads...
when everybody started to clear away to go to the wake we went over to my auntie ruby and some of her family where she introduced me to them very lovingly, arm in arm, gleefully
she didn't know most of her grandchildrens names there are that many. my mum was laughing a lot
as we walked back up the steps to get back into the cars i helped ruby up the steps instead of my grandma to which she wasn't best pleased about

we got into the aunties car again and after a short trip to morrisons to get money (as the pub where the wake was doesn't take card, only cash) and her husbands muscles? from in there, we found a place to park and walked down the hill and went into the pub. on the hill was my sister who had caught the bus from school to be there
i went in straight away looking for my grandparents and by them were some spaces to sit if they moved over. on the table was my grandparents, ruby and melanie. then the table across there was most of the other people
while i was bickering with ruby about the buffet, my mum and sister were talking to that auntie i added on facebook.. apparently my mum was looking for me to introduce me but ofc i wasn't there

eventually we all sat down with our food from the buffet. my mum asked me what drink i wanted so i said merlot
it was ofc illegal but the staff didn't see. she brought me back a glass of merlot (red wine) which i sipped occasionally throughout the evening. i suppose it loosened me up a bit
i'm not really sure how the time passed. everyone was just talking i guess
i spoke to ruby about how she used to be a travelling vet and how she treated a goldfish once. apparently that family treated that goldfish as if it were a dog
she was also asking me about what i'd want to be in the future. she asked me a few questions twice too seeming as she'd forgotten that she'd asked

when my dad arrived to pick up my grandparents and take them back, i walked them outside

when i came back to the table it was quieter. there was no conversation on my side of the table so it got awkward almost
when my dad arrived to take us back we got up and said goodbye to everyone. the aunt who took us in the cars husband shook my hand very tightly. one of ruby's sons was build like a body guard too. he was bald
i hugged melanie goodbye and said that i'd visit her in america
she said that i'd be more than welcome and that i'd just need to let her know

we walked to the car in the heavy rain and went home. to say it's raining there was still people out trick or treating

my mum told me the drama about that side of the family, i think it was all the drama anyway
but she told me that the auntie i added on facebook (who's my grandads brothers wife, not the one who died) has children who are related but dating. as it the children are datin, step brother and sister, same parents. also that on that side of the family they are really posh and rich maybe? when my mum was speaking to her as id left her to it, she was flaunting about her sons clothes brand. and someone on that side of the family also was on coronation street but left suddenly with no real explanation

my auntie melanie, who's been living in america for the last 30 years didn't really have an accent. but you could tell she'd been living over there from parts of her personality and how she'd respond to things

so yeah that was today. less halloween and more funeral
one of my managers rang me last night asking me to work today. so they obviously didn't communicate and haven't found a replacement for me

goodnight