Hey Soulmate! [(Bakugo Katsuki) Two-Month Hiatus]

Chapter Sixty-four

It's not related to the story, I just want someone to hold me like this before I finally settle in for the fact that I'll die single and still loving a fictional man.

Warning: panic attacks, mentions of suicide and depression
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*HIKARI'S POV*

I've never experienced insomnia. I've searched about it before because it was something that I thought I would never experience, but I didn't think I'd be this troubled by it. I thought I could distract myself with my cats, do my manga, or even just close my eyes and talk to Luci. Yet, I couldn't. And he's asleep.

I didn't know he can be asleep even when I'm awake. I can even hear him snoring like what the actual fuck. He fucking snores? And I can hear him? Does that mean I snore, too? Maybe I should ask Chako when we sleep over again. Maybe I do? Fuck if I do.

Everything felt so hard to do, and I didn't know why. Even just going back to my room seemed like a chore just earlier, adding the showering and changing of my clothes.

I just wanted to sleep, forget that Papa wasn't here to celebrate this event with me right here, right now.

It came back again. The effect, I mean. Just like everyone, I thought I had gotten over it. I thought I was done with it.

But now, realizing that he wouldn't be here at joyous times like this, it hurt more than it should. I'd be sad, I know. But the realization only made it worse for me. The realization that he's all that I had even as a child.

As a child, I was never that social. I was afraid of people. I tried my best to make friends, I eventually did, but they all went to different middle schools and never bothered to contact me. Then again, I could say the same to myself. My social anxiety got the best of me, stopped me from trying to talk with them once again. And so, I had only spent most of my life with Papa, being the only best friend I ever had.

Papa's my everything. He was there for me all the time. He was all I knew and all I had.

Tripping on a stone, he was there to treat my wound. First day of kindergarten, he encouraged me lots. I was sad, he always came in with Katsudon and candies in a bowl though it was a bad combination of foods. First time flying and being thrown off a building by him? He still came swooping down to save me when I wasn't flapping my wings.

And now that I thought about it, I'm not using my wings now. And he isn't here to swoop down and save me this time. Maybe it was because I was ready?

No, not yet.

I'm not ready.

Ready to fly? Yeah, I'm not ready.

Ready to be alone? Yeah.

I'm not ready.

I don't think I'll ever be.

Thinking about it just sent shivers down my spine. I kept thinking how lonely I'll be after everyone leaves me. Just like Papa did. And I wonder, how bad will I react if Papa was the first person I lost, then the others? Will they even stay with me? Would they get tired of me? When I grow up, are they gonna forget about me?

The creeping anxiety scared me.

It was scary.

I'm terrified.

I don't wanna be alone.

I don't wanna be left behind.

No.. no...

Push these thoughts away, girl. They're still here. They're still here, girl. You're not alone. You're not lonely. You got Chako. You got Esqueleto. You got Katsuki.