What would you do? (A Bastille/ Dan Smith fanfic)

54. What's going on?

ALLY’S P.O.V.

“I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” I sat down on the chair next to Dan. He looked like crap. The one time that I will actually ever say that probably. His normally perfect gravity defying hair was greasy after being covered in sweat and stuck to his head. His skin was pale other than the dark circles that clung below his bloodshot eyes. At this moment in time it was hard to recognise the Dan that I knew and loved.

“Uh yeah.” Dan shuffled around in the bed awkwardly.

I leant forward and held his hand. “Whatever it is, just tell me what’s going on.” Dan shuffled around again. Stuff it, I’m tired of him sat there in silence whilst I’ve been out of my mind. “Oh just speak, Smith!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Uh so I guess you’ve realised that I took drugs. I used to rely on them quite a bit. Your usual cliché, it started out as a bit of fun every once in a while when I was at uni. Then to every night out. Then to every night. It made me act differently. It helped me lose weight. It helped me deal with the pressure of work. It got worse when I left uni though. You have no idea how much pressure I was under.” Dan began to shake and cry. “It made me write more and eased the nerves on stage. It made me more confident and feel like I'm actually okay at what I do. It was a way to deal with things. I’ve been in this situation before and I’ve tried bloody hard to stay away. I just thought it would help me again like it did before. I panicked.”

Fucking hell. Out of all the people I knew I did not have Daniel Smith down to be a drug addict. I didn’t really know what to say. I was shit at comforting people. Dan began to shuffle around some more and I looked at his eyes. He wasn’t telling me the complete truth. “Is that it?”

He slowly shook his head. “I suffer from depression and rely on medication. I…. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit before.” He nervously played with the wrists on his bracelet and I suddenly realised what he meant.

"Suicide." I spoke quietly. He focused his attention on his bracelets still but slowly nodded. “Why did you never tell me?” I sighed, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Embarrassment. I thought I had it under control. I would never go that far again. That was when I was ridiculously down and… I was scared.” He was still staring down, he had barely looked at me since I had entered the room.

“Well you’ve fucking scared me this week, especially last night.” He really did, I’ve never been as scared as I was when I saw him being carried into the ambulance last night. And this morning when he had a fit and had to be sedated. Watching it was horrible. At least we were in a hospital and help was right there.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered with tears flowing.

I stood up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. Dan leant forward and had his head on my shoulder and we both held each other in tears for a while. I finally understood what had been going on. How could this beautiful man ever think he wasn’t good enough? How could he ever go that far as to attempt to take his own life? I still needed to know more details but I wasn’t sure if it was the right time.

"I love you Dan." I said as I pulled away from him slightly. He finally looked at me and stared deep into my eyes. He wiped my cheek with his thumb and then placed a kiss on my lips.

"I love you too Ally. No matter what stupid shit I do, that stays the same. I love you and I'm sorry for putting you through this." He said whilst still holding onto my face.

I gave a little smile. It doesn't matter how many times I hear him say he loves me or how many times he kisses me or holds me or is even in the same room as me, I will always get butterflies. For a long time we sat there, staring into each others eyes and occasionally sharing kisses.

“Dan?" I finally spoke.

"Yes?"

"What did the police say?”

“They asked me where I got my supply from. They said the amount that I had I was lucky that I never gave it to anyone else otherwise that would have been counted as dealing and I could have got arrested. I got a warning and a fine for possession of drugs though.”

I took a few seconds before taking in a deep breath and asking my next question. “Has this ever happened before? I mean like, have you ever ended up in hospital before? Been arrested or anything because of this.”

“Yes.” He replied honestly. “The police have never been involved though. I’ve only ever been hospitalised because of prescription drugs, nothing illegal. I would take anything I could get my hands on. I just remembered the buzz I got and I crumbled. Then it made me feel at ease and so I did it again, and again.” He sobbed again, resting his head on my shoulder. “Fuck the press are going to have a fucking party, a new druggie band member that they can make shit up about.”

“It doesn’t matter what they say about you, you’re okay now.” I put my fingers through his hair and moved his head up off of my shoulder and rested our foreheads together and we were staring into each other’s eyes again. “Just don’t you fucking dare ever do that to me again.”

WILL’S P.O.V.

It was getting dark again now. Dan had been resting all day and only woken up about an hour ago, when we were shoved out of the room by the police. We were finally allowed in the room and we all agreed Ally should go in first; she deserved to know what Dan had already been through.

I shuffled around on the uncomfortable hospital chair. I’m going crazy in this place. These artificial lights were giving me a headache.

“Boys I’m going outside for a bit. I’ll give the others a call whilst I’m out.” I never got a response from them other than a small nod.

I stepped outside and felt relief as the cool air hit my face. I took a deep breathe in and enjoyed the freshness. We had all been cooped up inside for too long. I called our tour manager to see what the hell was going to happen with the tour.

He told me about everything that he had managed to sort out. The next few days of the UK tour had been cancelled to aid Dan’s recovery. They had been rescheduled to a few months away when we were meant to have a week off. The rest of the tour could be rearranged too, after all Dan’s health is much more important.

Me and the other boys were going to have to do some interviews without Dan tomorrow. We had to try and keep to the story that Dan had been dehydrated which is why he fainted, which I doubt anyone was ever going to believe. Anyone there that night with half a brain would have noticed that Dan was drunk and drugged up. And then apparantly we had to tell people that he had an allergic reaction to some medicine so they were keeping him in for a few days. People were going to see straight through it but I agreed to stick with that story.

Dan’s parents had been frantically calling management after hearing about Dan’s fainting through the media. Doesn’t that just show today’s society? When someone finds out about their kid being hospitalised through the Daily freaking Mail website before being informed about it through someone they knew.

I decided to call Dan’s mum and explained to her the made up story. She didn't seem convinced with what I had told her but it wasn’t my place to say what had really happened; I would leave that for Dan to explain. It took her a while to calm her down, and I assured her that there was no need for her to make the trip up to Newcastle, he would be out in a few days and be able to speak to her then.

After dealing with all of that I needed desperately to speak to my own girlfriend. She had been texting me all day asking what was going on but I really needed to hear her voice. I just broke down as soon as she picked up. I had been so strong all night and day and really needed to let it all out finally.

“Will mate, we can go in and see him now.” I barely noticed Woody walk up to me, but he was standing right in front of me. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and hung up the phone. I needed to at least pretend I was okay for Dan.