What would you do? (A Bastille/ Dan Smith fanfic)

50. First day of tour nerves

DAN’S P.O.V.

I always panic before shows but today it was ten times worse. It was the beginning of our UK leg of the tour. I was stood in a huge room in Scotland that would later be filled with thousands of people. People that would see me and see how crap I really am. I took in a deep breath and then left the stage feeling frustrated.

I walked out the back door and climbed back into the bus, searching for Ally. I felt bad for her, it was only day 1 of the tour but I had barely seen her. She told me this morning that she felt travel sick in the bus and so didn’t sleep at all last night. I really hope she doesn’t hate this next few weeks.

I entered the bedroom section of the bus and saw her tucked up in my bunk, fast asleep. I decided to go back into the venue and found the boys hanging around the backstage area, already drinking. I definitely needed a drink tonight, otherwise I might just pass out in fear.

“Steady on Dan, you want to pace yourself otherwise you won’t make it to the show!” Woody commented after I downed my first beer in a matter of minutes.

“Just nervous, you know.” I grumpily replied. I didn’t like it when people commented on my drinking. I never normally drink that much at home but when I’m on tour it’s a whole different matter. Drinking to get rid of the nerves, drinking to celebrate that I didn’t pass out on stage, drinking to get rid of the hangover, it was fair to say it was a lot of drinking. At least it wasn’t anything stronger any more, I haven’t done anything like that in years after everything that happened before. Maybe it would actually help.

“BLOODY HELL DAN LISTEN!” Will shouted, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Hmm.” I looked in his direction, bewildered.

“Nando’s or pizza express? We’re getting a take away.”

“Oh, either’s fine.” I shrugged, not really wanting to eat anything.

Everyone carried on with their conversations but I could feel Will’s eyes staring at me. I looked up and gave him a glare and when he didn’t look away I left the room.

“What the heck is wrong with you today?” Will asked, following me down the corridor.

“It doesn’t matter!” I snapped at him. Truth was, I didn’t completely know what was wrong, I was just having a down day.

“Jesus, Dan, don’t bite my fucking head off!”

I sighed. Will didn’t deserve to be snapped at like that, he was only trying to help. “Sorry, mate. Just one of those down days, you know..” Will looked at me sympathetically. I hate that.

“Have you taken your meds today?”

“Yep, as always.” I groaned, hating the fact that medication ruled my life in the way that it did.

“Okay, well just talk to us Dan. Talk to Ally too, she’s there for you.”

I turned my head quickly and snapped again. “She doesn’t know. And it’s staying that way, okay?”

Will looked confused. “She doesn’t know?” I shook my head. “Uh, okay, I guess that’s your call mate.” He answered and then went back in the room, leaving me on my own. I knew he was judging me for not being honest with Ally. But it’s not exactly a big secret. Just some parts of my past that I would rather she not know about. She would never love me if she knew how much of a fuck up I really am.

ALLY’S P.O.V.

I awoke, completely confused as to where I was. As my eyes adjusted to the light I rolled over and remembered I was in the bus. I grabbed my phone and saw it was 7pm. I was absolutely shattered but wanted to find the boys, surely they would be on in a bit. I climbed out of the claustrophobic bunk and changed into some nicer clothes, put a bit more make up on and sorted out my hair a bit.