A Second Chance

I don't want to be here

Jessica put Grayson down for a nap and grabbed a bottle of wine.

She was so confused.  Jessica has never had these thoughts before, she was sweating and pacing back and forth.

"I don't wanna be here anymore.. I know I sound horrible, but Sam I'm screwing everything up!  I'm a druggy and a drunk!  Sam, I'm so sorry I couldn't be a better mother.. Our boys deserve better than me.  I hope you understand.  I want to be with you, Sammy.  When you left me a part of me died with you.  I want us back, Sam, I want us back! 

My brother can keep Michael and Grayson.. My poor baby Grayson.. I feel horrible for leaving, but they're better off without me."

Jessica downed the rest of the bottle and past out on the couch.

Grayson had woken up and walked over to her.

"Mama!  Mama!" He hits her face trying to wake her up.

He starts fussing and throws himself on the ground.

"Mama!  Wake mama, wake!"

Jessica was so knocked out that she didn't even hear him.

Grayson wore himself out and calmed down a little.

He got up and started climbing on everything.

He climbed up on the couch and jumped up and down.

He started laughing and jumped higher.

He lost his balance and fell forward face first into the coffee table.

Jessica jumped up and heard a piercing scream.

"Oh baby!  What happened?!"

Jessica heard the doorbell and looked out the window.

"Shit!" She says holding Grayson.

It was her mother.

"I guess I don't have to worry about how I'm gonna do it, your grandmothers about to kill me, Gray."

"Just a second!" She yells hurting to the kitchen as best as she can to clean him up.

Dorothy grabbed her key and let herself in.

Grayson was screaming and had blood dripping from his nose.

"Mommy's so sorry!  You're gonna be okay, baby boy!" She kisses his head and continues cleaning him off.

Dorothy sees the empty bottle of wine and yanks it off the ground.

"Jessica!!"

"Not now!"

Dorothy walks over to her and makes a face.

"Jessie!  What the hell are you doing?!" She snatches Grayson away.

"Give him back to me!"

"Jessica!  My God, I am so disappointed in you!  What do you think you're doing?  Were you past out drunk not watching your son?  You don't even know where your other son is!  We've helped you so much, Jessica.  You're just throwing that away?!"

"Mom get out!  This is my son and I know how to take care of him!"

"Apparently not, Jessica." She says walking out.

Jessica follows her and stumbles a bit.

"Give him back to me!  He is MY son!  I'm his goddamn mother!" She slurs in a loud voice.

"You're not being much of a mother, Jessica." She walks out and slams the door.

Jessica throws herself on the ground and sobs.

"She's right.. Fuck you, Jessica!

How did you get here?  Look what you did to your son!"

Jessica went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.

"This is it, I'm ending it right now.  It's all gonna be over and they're all gonna be happy when I'm gone!"

Jessica grabs the knife and holds it facing her.

She sobs uncontrollably and can't get herself to do it.

"Do it!  DO IT YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!"

At that time Michael walked in and followed his mother's sobs.

"Mom!" He says shocked at the sight.

"Michael!  Oh honey, I'm so sorry! 

Please just go.  It'll all be over soon."

"Mom stop!  Why are you doing this?  Please don't do it!" He says with tears pouring done his face.

"Honey, I am so so sorry.. But I have to.. I'm not a good mom.. I'm not the mom you deserve.

When daddy left I became this completely different person and I hate that person.  I'm gonna go and be with daddy and you and your brothers will be okay.  You can live without me... You can live with your uncle.  That's what you want, right?"

"Mom no!  I don't want this!  I never wanted this!  You're not a bad mom!  You're the best mom ever!  Please PLEASE don't do this!"

"Baby I have to.. I'll only hurt you being here.  I'm too much of a problem and.. Well I just need to go.."

"Mom.. Drop the knife."

"No." She says grinding her teeth.

"You don't wanna do this, mom!  We love you!  We love you so so much!  Do you really want Grayson to grow up with a mom?  He needs you!  WE need you!"

Jessica cries hard and Michael keeps talking.

"We want you for a long long time.  We want to create more memories with you.  We want you here for Grayson's first day of school.  Want you here for birthday's and Christmas's and family vacations. We want to dance with you on our wedding day.  We want you to be there when our children are born, because we know you will be the best grandma ever!  We want to take care of you when you're old.. We.. We want you here!  Please don't do this!  Drop the knife, mom!" Michael screams and cries hysterically.

Jessica let's out a hard cry and drops the knife, making a loud noise on the linoleum floor.

Michael run to her and Jessica falls into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Michael!  I'm sorry!"

"Shh.. Don't.. Just close your eyes.. Relax.

Everything's gonna be okay.." He lays his head on hers and softly rubs her back.

"I need help, Michael.. I need help..."

"We'll help you, mom.  We are always here for you."

"Thank you, baby."

"I love you, mom.. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you too, Mikey." She says in a broken down voice.